Depressed maybe? Love and Life missing.

[Boughs]

I think I'm a bit depressed right now. I'm like every other 20 year old.. thinking about whats after college, what kind of girl I'd like to date, do I even consider marriage in my future (obviously no time soon), do I want family? or do I want career/personal success first?

 

A lot of it seems to be stemming from my lack of good relationships with girls. Girls tend to think I'm a nice guy and thus are unafraid of pushing the envelope when we have fun one night. I always have the intentions of just kissing and petting, but I get carried away and girls tend to be lenient with me because I come off as a nice guy. I don't consider myself a nice guy, I can be a straight up jerk... and these girls learn afterwards what kind of guy I am... and it tends to backfire as girls talk. Simple as that.

 

I've taken a break from looking for girls, however... my mind is so hungry for a relationship... I've been in relationships for the past 3 years of my life... and I just enjoy them... so as a result I can't "take a break." How does one release their mind of girl hunting... maybe its just a guy thing to do, what a dangerous drug we have running through our heads.

 

I do a lot of things from working (which involves working with naked women, sigh), working on projects at school, having fun with friends... etc. So I have plenty to keep my mind off women (kind of), but then I'll meet a beautiful girl (at work or at a party), we'll end up doing something, kissing/sex, and then I get dissinterested because we just don't connect... I tend to feel like if I don't want to call a girl the day after we hookup/hangout... then there is something missing/something wrong.

 

Anyways, people have said "Hey you should try to date, not just hookup"... so I've tried that, gone out with women I've found attractive and interesting... but then we sit down at dinner. With me, I tend to lead things towards a philosophical situation... as that is what interests me so much, girls tend to get turned off by this, but it plagues my mind as its the beating force for how I think about EVERYTHING in this world. Also being atheist gets me in trouble with some women. Anyways, I've dated girls who fit this category I'm looking for... its just I can't find that type of person again. I'm aching to find someone who I can talk to, sleep next to, and enjoy life the way my past relationships gave me... but I want to do it with someone who isn't controlling but is still commanding.

 

Also, I get the "is he gay?" question a lot. I dress in what most might consider "gay" clothing. So people tend to question (and hell I would probably too), but I enjoy dressing up as its fun, makes me comfortable, and attracts the women I'm interested in. Interestingly though, the kind of guys I hang out with don't dress like me at all... in fact they are the opposite. So the way I dress excludes me from meeting more friends.

 

I guess I'm just impatient and want to find someone to love. Distanced from home and old friends for so long is slowly taking a toll on my thoughts and my overall mindset. I miss the beautiful girls from home, and I miss the attitude they had... but I need to finish school out here, and if I wish to succeed in my passion, I must stay in this area as its the best for the career I love. Such a hard choice.

 

I just want a girl that isn't into me just for my money. Someone interesting, good looking (all too often the good looking ones are jerks OBSERVATION .) and fun.

 

I suppose this is just a vent... I'm doing a lot of great things, enjoying my life, fighting the bad and raking in the good... but I'm losing in the girl dept. right now. One girl that I'm interested in, has a BF. boooo

[Considerate Empath]

but I enjoy dressing up as its fun, makes me comfortable, and attracts the women I'm interested in.

 

You just said yourself you have a lack of good relationships with girls - just how do you attract the women you're interested in?

 

I just want a girl that isn't into me just for my money. Someone interesting, good looking (all too often the good looking ones are jerks OBSERVATION .) and fun.

 

Well duh, who wouldn't want a girl like that?

 

My advice to you - speed dating or dating sites. You should also give girls at least a chance before you cross them off because of their looks. Who knows? Maybe she and you have much more in common than you think. If you're always going to be fixated by how the girls you date look, I doubt you'll ever get a real relationship.

 

 

//C.E.

[Alabama]

I suggest take a break...that's what I'm going to do. It seems that your heart has been broken too many times...take a break from things for a while and see where they go; you might enjoy the freedom...but as a white to stop worrying about girls, it's best to try to find something either to fill up your time (so your mind can't run away with thoughts of girls) or try to speed dating/dating webistes as the abover user suggested. I suggest take a break, though.