So I am starting the NC challenge today.

[bigthings46]

so I just woke up from a nap and had a bad dream that I had called her and tried to talk to her again. What is wrong with me.

[thelonelydoll]

Don't beat yourself up over things that happen in your dreams! There's nothing "wrong" with you, you're just trying to get over her and it's not easy. You will feel better if you keep up the NC for another three weeks or more - and keeping yourself away from drinking wil help, too.

[Dubb]

Some girls just have to keep getting hurt till they figure it out. I know it makes no sense to you but in her head somewhere it does. Worry about you and everything will work out. I know it's hard to see that now but trust me in time this will get better. IF you take steps to help yourself along it will only be that much easier.

[bigthings46]

Day 9, I had a breakdown @ work today and found myself crying in my company van for about 1/2 an hour. I need this stuff out of my head, its consuming me. All I keep thinking about is calling her. Then I feel like she will think I am weak after sending the email that I am taking a walk. So its been 9 days of NC, I am fighting myself right now. I keep trying to tell myself just to give her some time and space to get over her ex and that she will def miss me, but then I feel like if she isn't over her ex and is still thinking about him she isn't even thinking about me @ all. I really wish I just kept my damn mouth shut last week and didn't blow up the spot and delete her from my myspace and my phone. I soooooooooooo want to hear her voice say my name.

[Puckdog27]

I hate to keep telling you this because I know your hurting, but if she was hung up on her ex while she was dating you, she didn't shift gears, forget him and start being hung up on you.

 

You really need to stick with the NC and let her go. Why would you want someone who wants someone else, who doesn't even want them?!?!?!?

[bigthings46]

Thats the problem, I don't think she wants him back, everytime he was around she told him to leave her alone, he just wouldn't stop the crap.

 

Anyways its Day 10. Im really hurt. So many mixed emotions running through my head like I messed up bad. I can't take it.

[bigthings46]

[bigthings46]

Day 11, I haven't broke yet but I have a feeling its coming. I really want to clear the air with this girl and let her know how I really feel about the situation. I want to apologize for my actions bad.

[thelonelydoll]

To be honest, I don't really understand what you want to apologize for, and yes, I've read your posts. Just hold tight, don't break, and let it sit. In a couple of weeks, you might feel not feel such a strong urge to apologize or to clear the air. Let time pass and let healing take its course. You can always clear the air later if you still feel the need.

 

I nearly broke today, too. But I know it would've just set me back, and I've not even progressed very far yet.

[bigthings46]

I just want to apologize for my childish behavior of deleting her from my friends like a high schooler and sending the messages telling her she just lost something great like I was trying to hurt her. I have been thinking about things way too much and feel like I should have just not reacted @ all to that comment , afterall she told me she wanted me around and wanted to just take things really slow because everything had moved way too fast. I should have just played it cool and looked forward instead of making a scene and totally pushing things away. Especially since I spoke to her on the phone for the first time in 2 weeks the night prior to making a stink. The phone convo was good, no relationship talk and cut short but I should have left things alone. I messed up.

[LBP]

Big, you can beat yourself up about this... Or you can realize that there was nothing you could do that would cause her to stay or really do anything that would help you, personally. All you could be, at this point, is her crutch. And what do people do with crutches when they are healed? They throw them the hell away.

 

You were in a lose-lose situation, my friend. I know you don't see that now but the sooner you accept it the sooner you'll be able to move past it. She put you in an impossible spot and expected you to act like a gentleman. Don't hold yourself accountable for her ridiculous expectations.

[bigthings46]

Well I broke last night. I am so weak. Around 930 I sent a text saying "sorry for my actions, I let my emotions get the best of me. I hope one day we can reconcile on a new path". No reply which I guess is fine and pretty much expected. I really wish I had the strength that some of you people attain. Anyways its back to the dreaded NC. I feel like a 27 y/o trainwreck. Atleast I haven't begged @ all and made myself look needy.