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So I am starting the NC challenge today.

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I kinda started a couple weeks ago but went into LC and messed up. I got drunk the other night, went on myspace and saw that the girl I have been seeing for the past 3 months who told me she didn't want to be in a relationship is online looking for a serious relationship, and would like to meet some non existent man and for that reason she is single. I pretty much lost it and sent a text telling her I really cared about her and that she just lost something great. Also sent a quick myspace message saying shes missing out and farewell. Well she sent 3 texts attacking me for not calling her and for deleting her off my friends and all of her comments. She then wrote and email telling me that I am a really great guy, that the time wasn't right for us, that shes just dreaming of a magical guy and that I take myspace too serious. Also that I must not be capable of having a friendship and that shes not going to sweat it.


Anyways I wrote back a 4 paragraph email stating that I thought she was contradicting herself by telling me one thing and putting the opposite up on her profile. That I cared about her and thought we made a special connection, and that I am not capable of being just friends since it wouldn't be fair to me to sit around with false hopes in the back of my mind while I have such strong feelings for her. Even though I wanna be there for her. I said that it was time for me to walk and let time or whatever else take control of the situation. Im really hurt but its time to move onto NC. Wish me luck.

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One of the rules of NC is not looking at the ex's Myspace. I made the mistake of looking at my ex's space this morning, effectively putting me back from 15 days NC.


My ex made a number of changes to his profile just today - changes that I am certain were for my "reading pleasure" alone. He still has "in a relationship" in his profile - but now his "interests" supposedly include AA, when the whole time we were together, he refused to go. I have a feeling he's trying to get me to contact him to see how he's doing. Part of me wants to contact him, but only as a childish April Fool's gag - this guy was an abusive creep and a huge waste of my time and energy. Checking his Myspace was just a further waste of my time and energy.




Oh, and join the NC challenge thread. I don't have the link, but it's in the Getting Back Together section on here.

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I know I shouldn't have visited and thats why I went ahead and deleted all of her comments and her off my page so I wouldn't be reminded and go looking to see whats shes doing. Im done, I said what I wanted, she knows what I have to offer and if she feels fine about giving that up then I have to move on.

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Good for you! I want to move on, too, and there's a lot of psychological trauma I'm allowing to hold me back, unfortunately. I never really got to say what I wanted, but I'm hoping with more time I'll stop caring at all.


My ex was so paranoid and abusive, I had to set my profile to private just so he wouldn't use anything on it against me! And I also had to block him as a friend, so he never left any public comments. I just removed the private setting yesterday. So his update coming today is a coincidence, or not. I'll never know. Truth be told, I don't think he's actually going to AA at all, but again, I'll never know.


Another suggestion: beware of drinking alcohol! Maybe if you hadn't been drunk the other night, you wouldn't have gone on her Myspace. Having said that, I went on my ex's this morning, and I'm stone cold sober - I have no excuse, aside from being a big idiot!

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NC is certainly good for healing, and you should do it when you can, but I wonder if you're really ready for it at this stage? Simple scenario: your ex sends an e-mail in reply to the one you sent. NC stipulates you wouldn't read it. Are you ready to do that?

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im not too sure. I think I really need to just go and get this 30 days behind me and see how I feel. If that means not reading the email and staying off myspace till next month than I might have to do that. That would stink though cuz I started talking to another girl I dated for a while who I had a falling out with and conversations are going good. what to do what to do.

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Well today is day#2. I came home from work and had a text message on my phone from her saying "glad your not upset, have a good day : )". I don't know where she gets off thinking that I am not upset. I was about to write one back but that would kill my NC so it aint worth it. Must of been meant for somebody else. If I wasn't upset then why would I delete her off my friends and tell her I'm walking away. Probably sent it just to mess with me.

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yeah, that sounds likely. Just as I think the sudden update on my ex's myspace was just meant as a manipulation. Surely there's a way you can block her from even texting you? I can't do that, the ex is in the UK. Thankfully, in my case, he stopped calling and texting after a period of downright harassment - my phone service provider told me to contact his, and his told me to contact my own.


NC is so very new to you, it will be so much harder on you if you have to deal with her incoming texts - see if you can do something to block them!

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Can I just say I HATE myspace.


What is the point of it? So you can post your banal existence for all to see? So you can collect "friends" like stamps that you will never see or talk to.


Dont pay any attention to myspace. Its easy to lie in cyberspace.


I completely agree, I HATE myspace. I never really got 'hurt' by my ex until I started to regualry check her page, then I would read too much into it. AND THATS WHILE WE WERE TOGETHER! Haha

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Day 4 is here. This girl is still on my mind. It doesn't help that all I do all day for work is drive around in a van going to job sites so all I seem to do is think all day. That and listen to the radio which seems to play the same 4 sad songs every 20 minutes. I never expected things to come to this. Not when everything seemed so right and then all of a sudden it was gone before my eyes. Im suppose to be going out with a girl "friend" of mine tonight who I have been going on occasional dates with over the past couple years but I might back out cuz I really ain't in the mood. This sucks

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Yeah, take a raincheck with this girl "friend" if you're not in the mood. Yes, my friend, this sucks - and I know exactly what you mean about having time to think while you're driving - you can at the very least be thankful it's not the Christmas season, with endless Christmas songs and "cheer." Keep it going, stay strong, lean on your friends. Hopefully, in a month's time, you'll feel much stronger. (I'm saying this for myself, too!)

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im in bad shape right now. I am kicking myself in the butt for deleting her as my friend and feel like that might have closed a door. I don't know why I made such a big deal of her wanting to take things slow and I should have just rolled with it and left it on the back burner but now I feel like I just closed doors to that. This sucks

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Don't kick yourself man. Get some space from her. Figure out how you feel in a few months. If you still have anything for her go back and see what's up. Right now she seems to still see you in a good light. Keep it that way.

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no, that's good strategy.. that one extra step usually helps. that's why i deleted my ex's number from my phone. i have it memorized, too, but having to dial out all 10 numbers made me realize it's a bad idea before i got there... just clicking on his name and hitting call was much too easy...

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Day 5 is killing me. I have been down all day fighting myself not to break down. I have all sorts of feelings overcoming me. All sorts of good thoughts about her, then I feel like I totally messed this all up. Like I am walking away from somebody I should be there for, then I feel like maybe she doesn't want me there. Ah this is rough

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So its Day 6, times are tough. I find myself overanalyzing everything that has happened. Can somebody please tell me if my email seemed pushy or mean. Here is the emails that were sent prior to NC.


This is the one I sent when I saw her profile:


"A man that's good-looking; irresistible in fact. One that is financially stable. He has to listen when I talk and keep things interesting. Must be fit and dress with some style. Has to be full of thoughtful surprises and be a romantic lover. Consequently, this is the reason I'm single!"


ouch thats pretty rough. def got the hint now. i thought it was you but i guess it was me. your missing out babe. farewell


This is the one she sent back:



This wasn't about you or directed at you. I'm not sure why you thought that. No man will ever measure up to that comment, can't a girl dream? I am single b/c I chose to be. Maybe I am missing out, but you know I have to look out for myself. I told you I wasn't over my ex and I couldn't treat you the way you should be treated. I thought I did the right thing. Neither of us are to blame it just wasn't working for us at that point in time and I'm sorry about how you feel. You are a great guy and if you don't want to speak to me anymore, I understand. That is your choice not mine. I wish you the best and feel bad you want things this way.


Then this is what I replied to that with:



I was drunk the other night and totally lost it when I saw that comment. I just feel like what u have up on your site totally contradicts what you have been telling me. Just put yourself in my shoes for a min and think about how you would feel. I know that your in no way ready to have a relationship, totally understandable. And I wouldn't want to be with you while your minds on some other dude.


You can say I don't care but thats totally untrue. I haven't not been calling out of lack of interest. I just felt that after our talk a couple weeks ago I needed to just back off and respect your space and give you time to heal over the other things without chasing you and calling and getting upset because you were busy or didn't want to see me.


I care about you alot and it just totally beats me up to see you hurting all the time, when I wanted nothing more than to put a smile on your face. A while back I asked to be brought somebody special and I was under the impression that you were that person, maybe you are and now just isn't the time, who knows?

I thought we had made a special connection even though we may be different in our ways.


I miss you like crazy and I have thought about you daily even though we haven't been talking. Its just tough thinkng bout that cute smiley face of yours and knowing that now isn't the time for us. I never expected to catch feelings for you so fast. Anyways I want to be your friend and I want you in my life, im just really not capable of being just friends while I have these feelings for you. It wouldn't be fair for me to just sit around and have these hopes in the back of my mind, even though I want to be a shoulder for you to lean on. Thats why I feel I need to walk right now and let time and whatever else take control of the situation. take care



Can someone please tell me what you take out of this ???????

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Hang in there man. Make sure to make plans with that girl another time. Take my word on this but you will not always feel the way you do right now. Focus on you. Heartbreak comes when we least expect it. Just know it happen for a reason. Man I was mess a few months ago. Was all I could think about. I hurt still but no where near the way I did. I probably kept myself in the pain more than I should. Give this a read.


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I think the line in her email says it all "I told you I wasn't over my ex".


Unfortunately you became the guy that every one in here is hoping our ex is with. The rebound guy.


Look I've been down that road many times, in fact I almost wrote the book. I hate to be harsh here but you have to move on now. I was the rebound more times than I care to admit and I never once got a call back from any of them once they said it was over, especially once they were done rebounding. Most found their way back for another heaping pile of ex-poop.

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I def understand that part of it. What I don't understand is how it can take a girl more than a year to get over someone who stalks her, cheated on her while they were engaged, blew all of her money on drugs(30K), and a whole lot more. This kid totally ruined this girls life and after all the crying she has done to her friends and family about this guy I think everyone would disown her if she went back to him for more. I just don't see why after all of that a year ago that you wouldn't want to move on and be with someone who is right in front of you who would treat you the way you should be treated.


Anyways its Day 8, things haven't gotten any better really. I have been trying to distance myself from drinking and stuff but last night I messed up and was out drinking and doing crap till 4am. I really need to get a grip of myself.

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