What is happening! Does he really love me!

[Helplessinlove]

Hi,

I was dating my boyfriend for about 3 months and fell totally head of heels in love with him. You see I was told by his friend that he plays the field and I was not the only one and due to insecurities I believed him. We work together and travel for work and 90% of the males who work with him are unfaithful to their wives or girlfriends. Knowing what they are like it made it pretty easy to believe this story. Plus the fact that he was having problems with work and while he was dealing with this I felt like he was pushing me away. He told me he loved me and didn't want to hurt me but had issues to deal with and told me he does tend to become distant at times like this. Anyway I blew off the handle so to speak after talking to his friend and acused him of being unfaithful and basically told him he was messing with the wrong girl and I would not put up it. I did say some pretty nasty things and told him it was over. He tried to tell me it wasn't true but I was hurt and angy and wouldn't listen to him. I have since found out that his mate was lying to me and have apologised profusely to no avail. (I still can't understand why his mate would lie to me) When I apologised he became really angry with me because I didn't trust him - rightly so - and told me he never wanted to see me again. Anyway after giving him time to cool off I finally tried to apologise again. He said he was still angry with me and couldn't forgive me for what happened. I sent him quite a few texts after that telling him how much I love him and miss him and that I was sorry from the bottom of my heart. He didn't reply to the texts at first and after a couple of weeks he did start to reply telling me he was hurt and angry still. Now when I send him a text instead of replying by text he actually rings me. He still says he's angry and hurt but is becoming a lot more civil with me. Sometimes he rings me about stupid things and I'm starting to believe he is making up excuses to just speak to me. He talks to me about everyday life things and I try not to push the us issue with him and hope he will bring it up himself. Last time I did bring it up and he told me he's not quite as angry but can't stop thinking about what happened and how it hurts.

What I want to know is does he still have feelings for me or is he just being civil. If he was just being civil wouldn't he just reply to me by text. Is there possibly a chance for us to get back together or have I destroyed things totally. I would love your opinion.

Does anybody have any ideas as to how I make him understand that I truly am sorry and that I really do love him. I would do anything to make it up to him.

[honeyspur]

Oh he definitely still cares.

He's just mega-scared it will happen again.

 

Time is best and faith in yourself to be different - even if he pushes your buttons.

Also consider the trigger that set you of in the first place and how that may need some consideration. He got distant and it started a whole string of events.

You may have issues with distance that you could investigate further.

Also put a time limit on how long you are going to apologize. Do it for as long as you can handle and move on. He may also need to get a grip on his forgiveness skills and not put you through the ringer when you make a mistake. Good luck to you.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

If his friend lied to you about him cheating, then he should be a little more understanding about why you got so upset... i don't know too many people who would be unmoved if someone's friend said they were cheating!

 

i think you should try to tell him that you apologize for reacting so strongly, but how would he feel if one of your friends said you were cheating on him? he would definitely be upset. So it's not like you just spontaneously decided not to trust him (and will do that again), but you had a reason to believe it was true, which you later found was based on his friend lying.

 

you can also tell him that in the future you will always come to him first if someone says something before assuming he is being unfaithful... he may indeed be realizing that BOTH of you were betrayed by that friend of his, and that you should not give up a relationship that is otherwise good because someone else (his friend) was a terrible person who lied.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

btw, his mate's motivation could be anything... maybe he wanted a chance with you, or maybe he was jealous of your relationship with his mate taking time away from their buddying around together... or maybe the mate is a weirdo... if you truly believe his mate was lying, then you need to focus on that when talking with your guy, and how the two of you need to work on not letting others interfere with your relationship.