Ex emailed me - NEED MASSIVE HELP OMG!!!!

[SnowYs]

AGHHH; My ex emailed me today.

 

As if things couldnt get more complicated in my life. I knew eventually he would email me. I didnt think it would be this soon. I totally just want to go call him. Or email him back. WHAT DO I DO *freaking out* ACK!

 

His email:

 

Hi E,

 

I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for the way things ended between us. I am not angry with you. You are a wonderful person and I feel very fourtunate to have known you. You are one of kind and have a heart of gold.

 

I want you to know that I think of you often and miss you. I hope all is well with you and you will always have a place in my heart.

 

Take care of yourself,

 

((HIS NAME))

 

HELP ACK!! Need advice....

[Sephiroth_FF7]

well, email him back if you want to...If you want my opinion don't email him back and continue your life if you want it to be over...

 

Hope that helped, later

~sephiroth

 

 

PM me if you have more questions.

[SnowYs]

Hi,

 

Yes I do want to email him very badly. I just dont want to repeat the same mistake(s) I did before. I love this man very dearly....

 

Ughhh What to do what to do...

 

E

[hurtntime]

Your leaving out alot if you want help, why did you break up? who broke up with who etc. That could just be his idea of closure to let you know he wont forget, but he knows that it wont work and he's sorry he hurt you that kind of thing I dont know.

[SnowYs]

Hey

 

I was the affair. He is living with a guy. He is bisexual. We broke up when I called his boyfriend and told him what was going on. I basically said "We are f-ing." He was hecka pissed and hasnt spoken to me in 3 + weeks.

 

Okay, my friend read the email as well and said it might be his way of closure too. But the thing I dont get is why tell me he thinks of me and misses me. That, wasnt really pertinent information. It doesnt make sense to me.

 

Maybe Im reading into it to much.....*screams*

[SnowYs]

Ughh, Im so completely confused. I dont think my first post came out correctly, and this one may not either. But its wasnt written in while I felt like a deer in front of headlights. Tonight my ex emailed me. This is

(to recap from those who dont know the situation), the man I was

having an affair with. I basicall called his boyfriend (he is bi),

and told him we were "doing it." Well, he got hecka pissed off, told

me to never talk/write with him etc. What I did was unforgiveable.

 

Thats was 3 almost 4 weeks ago. Tonight I checked my email, and there

was a letter from him.

 

This is his email:

 

Hi E,

 

I just wanted to let you know how sorry I am for the way things ended

between us. I am not angry with you. You are a wonderful person and I

feel very fourtunate to have known you. You are one of kind and have

a heart of gold.

 

I want you to know that I think of you often and miss you. I hope all

is well with you and you will always have a place in my heart.

 

Take care of yourself,

 

[[insert His Name Here]]

 

My friend had me write this reply...

 

Hey [[insert His Name Here]];

 

Well its good to know that you are not angry with me anymore... Im

still very sorry about what happened. I hope things are going good

for you in your life to.

 

Things are lookin' up for me.

 

Good to hear from you,

E

 

My friend at first thought it might be a closure letter. Like him

saying "bye" to me. But then later tonight she said she thinks he

will email me back again.

 

I am so confused. I am madly in love with this man. Im still probably

way to vulnerable to be talking to him. I still cry over him at

night. I still pray for him.... I still want him. I still want to be

with him. I am very very confused. I want to distance myself until I

feel like I can be friends with him. But I dont want to lose him

completely from my life.

 

Why would he have even emailed? Why did he tell me he misses me and

thinks of me?

 

Im in need of any advice and input.

Thanks so much for any & all support....

Erin

 

The song that makes me think of him:

 

How the hell did we wind up like this

Why weren't we able

To see the signs that we missed

And try to turn the tables

 

I wish you'd unclench your fists

And unpack your suitcase

Lately there's been too much of this

Dont think its too late

 

Nothin's wrong

just as long as

you know that someday I will

 

Someday, somehow

gonna make it allright but not right now

I know you're wondering when

(You're the only one who knows that)

Someday, somehow

gonna make it allright but not right now

I know you're wondering when

 

Well i hoped that since we're here anyway

We could end up saying

Things we've always needed to say

So we could end up stringing

Now the story's played out like this

Just like a paperback novel

Lets rewrite an ending that fits

Instead of a hollywood horror

[Dreng3333]

if you love him, he obviously loves you too, call him. chat it up. however he was very good to leave the door open, if you dont want to go out with him again, he seems to be ok with that too.

[babushka]

hi. i'm a guy who's been in the same situation.

 

that email basically shows that he's guilty. it also shows that if you are "okay" with it all (it seems like he broke up with you), it'll help him ease this guilt. he doesn't seem like he wants you back.

 

if you still want him back, do the following.

 

write back to him. don't write about him. DON'T tell him "it's okay" etc or that you forgive him. tell him how you're doing. that you're meeting new people. that you're getting on with your life. don't say you miss him or anything else. be nice, but let him feel like everything's going okay, even if you have to make it up.

 

tell him you're writing back to him, but you don't think the "friendship" option is a practical one, because friendships progress, whereas what you guys are doing is going back a step.

 

don't let him have what he wants -- he wants to NOT be with you and be friends with you too. i KNOW you're going to feel like "well, if i'm friends with him, he might start liking me again..."

 

that's not true. if you're friends with him, he'll feel less guilty, he'll have a friendship, and he'll feel no need to get back into a relationship. it'll REINFORCE his decision to stay separate.

 

the only way he will ever want you back, if that happens, is if he feels your COMPLETE absense.

 

so, after you write back to him, back off. if he gets pissed, or writes back etc, just let it be. don't give him the reaction he's looking for. i know you love him a lot, but you're not getting everything your way either, right? take him back ONLY the way you want him -- i'm assuming that's with a relationship.

 

then, do something to occupy yourself, and know in your heart that if he ever really loved you, he'll return. if he doesn't return, then at least you'll know.

 

i just got out of a 3 and a half year relationship that ended in a broken engagement. this is what i've learned. it's the old cliche: if you love somebody set them free. if they come back, they're yours. if they don't, they never were.

 

good luck.

[reborn]

Hi SnowYs,

First of you, I agree with you, you still seem very vulnerable as far as this situation to interpret things from an clearer point of view.

The whole situation from the onset is very complicated. Him being bi yet it not being ok with his boyfriend that he experiences his other side is a really hard situation to be in. It seems they have a commited relationship beyond the gender thing, right now you are in that head over heels irrational stage, but really consider if you are able to deal with this situation. Lets say he could get commited to you down the line, he will still probably have parallel relationships with other men as he is doing now with you. I am sure you have had time to think about this. However, I wonder how ready you are to really deal with it.

 

If you called his boyfriend you obviously had a possesive/jealousy issue with the situation. If you are dating an actively bisexual person it sort of comes with the territory that they will be going out with both men and women. We usually want what we can´t have. It is a trick that the mind plays on us. Beware of this, and really look long term as if you really want to deal with the situation or not. This guy will never be yours alone. And as is the case with many bisexual men, bisexuality is in most cases a step to become completely gay. I have many gay friends, and some where bisexual before completely becoming gay.

 

But right now I think you are focusing on something else. That desperation and craziness one feels when who we want seems to be ok with not being with us.

I think it is easy to read a lot into things. And looking at this from a totally objective perspective from someone just reading the email he sent you, I am afraid you are looking too much into it.

The email it self is nice and the words miss you, etc. do leave room for interpretation. All I can tell you is that it is a very decent email, but still it leaves room for interpretation. You can get over encouraged and act too eager or assume he wants something when he may not. He also did make it sound like a goodbey though. That you always will have a place in my heart, sort of contradicts a bit the i miss you.

If I were you I would act cool but not forced cool. Your email was good, nice and casual.

Babuska´s advice was really great about the friendship thing. However, in this case I do think you would have more power by being friends with the guy. And if I were you for a while I would act in a really cool way, totally non intimidating in the sense of just hanging out as friends. It seems he thinks highly of you so is still there.

Again, I think Babuska´s advice is really marvelous. I should apply it to my own situation. But in your case, I think it will be sort of like making you choose between being with you romantically or not. And I think you have already put him there before, and actually lost. As soon as the other guy heard you were his lover, you were cut out of the picture. If I was you I wouldn´t be putting that type of ultimatum. You are not in a strong enough position for that here and may end up with nothing.

Again, the whole situation long term seemst o hold little prospective in the sense that there is this other person there--his bf. That is a big obstacle you have as it seems that what he says goes. Also that your object of desire is bi and you really must know if you can share this man.

About what your friend says that will write another email, it is good to be hopeful, however no one can predict the future with precision. He may he may not.

If I were you and you decide you want to deal with this situation of being with someone unavailable (cause he is hon, for the most part) I would wait a lets say 2 -3 weeks and write to him anyway, wether he writes or not. Ask him about something or just invite him for a coffee. Don´t talk about you but as friends and take it from there.

Hope this wasn´t too repetitive and helpful. I think most of all I put things you already know.

-Reborn