When people ask about your Ex how do you keep your cool?

[digitaldiva]

My Ex and I used to do everything together. All of my friends and co-workers knew him. He and I have been broken up for over a month now.

 

I agreed to go with some of my co-workers to the comedy club tonight...I don't have friend to take with me. I know the first thing they are going to ask me is "where is [put Ex's name HERE]..." Then I'm going to say we're not together anymore. Then they're going to ask "what happened?" then I'll say, "It didn't work out" Then they'll say, you two seemed so close... by this time I'm so mad because a lot of old feelings are resurfacing from me talking about this hurtful topic... Because of this I usually end up saying very sarcatically "He decided to leave me for his Ex Girlfriend".

 

Then I'm mad because they brought it up and they're embarrassed for asking... Is there any way to avoid this topic or tell them it's not their business without being rude or seeming bitter?

 

I would just not go but our seats are being held via credit card...

 

 

 

[crookster_man]

Yea I hate when people bring up the Ex. Just role with it, remember they don't know the situation. They don't intend to embarrass you or cause you pain. In fact their inquiry could be seen as a good thing. They are taking an interest in your life and what's happening.

 

Don't forget this isn't personal, this isn't an attack just a question. If you want to deal with it quickly and without any drama then simply say. "We are no longer together it just didn't work out, it's how it is sometimes." Leave it at that. Change the subject or continue on with whatever you are doing. No one will make it a big deal unless you do.

 

If they don't get the hint and persist just say "We were in different places, wanted different things. Simple as that." Most people will leave you alone, if they still inquire clearly they don't have a sense of common decency.

 

At this point you can be a little more blunt "I don't want to talk about it, it's done and over with okay?" I really doubt it will get to this point, but if it does. They are asking for it anyways.

 

Hope you have a good time out, remember you are going out to have fun… Not to jump into a mind field, don't sweat it.

[bryan]

Just tell them you and your boyfriend are taking some time/space from each other. That is all they need to know! If they ask why tell them you dont want to talk about it.

[secret_agent_man]

Wow, great response crookster!

 

I know it almost seems like common sense, but he's dead on in every word there. Your friends asking only means they care, and if they're true friends they wouldn't put you in that situation on purpose.

 

Just keep in mind that your personal life is your personal life, nobody else's... so if you don't want to talk about it, don't feel pressured to. You have every right to say "I'm not getting into it."

 

Good luck, and have fun out and about, Diva!

S.A.M.

[charmed]

Hey There !

 

I agree with Crookster and would like to add this.

 

When I split from one ex, I was quite resentful and I was never quite comfortable talking about her at all. Over time as I learnt to deal with the ending of our relationship, I found myself able to talk more freely but more importantly, comfortably, as it is the feeling in your chest that we are talking about here. That is why you don't want to discuss it I suspect - and that is because you are still hurting from this breakup. By throwing in the final comment at the end of your conversation, you are showing the group that he is to blame, because you are still at a point of blaming. You should know that in a years time, you will not really care how it happened as you will have come to terms with the end of the relationship.

 

You need to let go and accept that you have had a great experience in a relationship - good times, and bad times, yet all memories that have shaped you into the person you are today. Embrace this, and learn to be comfortable with your past experiences. Moving on is sure to unvail many more experiences to keep you busy !

 

Good luck,

 

Hope this helps you some,

 

~Charmed~