fnlyfrei Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 My fiance' and I are planning our low-budget, yet high quality wedding. Not an easy task. It will be small, intimate, his family and close friends...my sons and some close friends from work since I do not have any other family to speak of really. The conundrum is that his mother has a list of people she wishes to invite. He wants to tell her NO and have me back him up. I am uncomfortable with this because she has a daughter in law with whom she isn't speaking already....I do not wish to be targeted as a troublemaker and have a very tense relationship with her when it is only in it's early stages...and I really do not entirely care if she invites a few people...as long as it isn't a crazy amount. My fiance doesn't want to let her invite anyone. I really do not wish to be in the middle of their conflicts. Any of em'. I think it is just asking for trouble. I think I am better off letting them work it out since he is the one with the issue over the whole thing...am I wrong? I think if I step in and say "Yeah !" "I support him...because I LOVE him"...it might be construed by her as...this woman who is going to marry my son is influencing him against me !...bull droppings ! Is this fair of him to ask? Help !](*,) Link to comment
melrich Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 I agree with your approach totally. He should handle his family and he should do it at a time when they are not able to refer the issue to you ie when you are not there. It is unfair to ask you to be part of a potential conflict that in reality you are not going to have much influence over and is really nothing but downside for you. You should also strongly advise your fiance to take full responsibility for the decision ie, when talking to his mom there should be no "but it's what fnlyfrei wants." Link to comment
fnlyfrei Posted March 20, 2007 Author Share Posted March 20, 2007 Thank you for your response. There have been problems stemming from this sort of thing with her other son. Instead of talking directly with whomever you have the problem with in their family...they talk about each other and take sides...creating more drama than need be. Oh boy. I mailed him and told him that I refuse to be in the middle of their relationship. I will listen to him when he needs to vent, but I will not take sides...(fat lotta good it would do anyhow...its his MOM!) I told him if I have a problem with her, I will march right up to her and discuss it. I am not going to whine to him either. AND....I will further discuss with both of them that if he and I have conflicts....it is between US as well. I am not going to whine to her..and neither should he. If he really needs to vent he can call one of his buddies. Why create more problems the other way? Do you think this is a good thing to discuss before we marry? I think it will be paramountly important actually.... Link to comment
melrich Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 Do you think this is a good thing to discuss before we marry? Maybe, if you think it is potentially a big issue. My experience is a lot of these family "dynamics" tend to sort themselves out as everyone finds their place in the structure. But if you think you are going to constantly be caught in the middle of these things then maybe it is a good idea to raise it and set some ground rules. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted March 20, 2007 Share Posted March 20, 2007 he needs to tell her no. not you. Link to comment
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