Pls help need a guys point of view

[justme07]

Hi.

[this was previously in the 'relationships' section.

 

Two days ago my boyfriend broke up with me. I'm very confused as to why he did it as we were literally perfect together. I have barely slept, and i've completely lost my appetite.

I have a couple of possibilities so please any help would be appreciated GREATLY.

We had basically everything in common, we laughed all the time and we were just overall really happy with eachother. The only thing we didn't have in common was the fact that he loved being with the boys and drinking excessive amounts of alcohol, whereas im more of a stay at home, movie night kind of girl. Hence, i didn't go out clubbing etc with him much. See, we are quite young, he's 20 and im 18. We first met a week after he had broken up with his gf that had cheated on him. They had been together previously for a year an half, then she cheated on him...then they got together again 3 months later, an she cheated again. So he's been hurt and he has trouble trusting people i guess. He also said that during this relationship they used to fight all the time because of his jealousy and insecurities.

 

Which brings me to my next possibility..

I have alot of male friends, CLOSE male friends. That i see all the time, an just hang out with. He always found this really weird, and said he's never had a gf that has so many guy friends. [He doesnt have close girl friends] A week before he broke up with me, i told him about a guy i met on the bus on the way home from university, we exchanged numbers as i felt sorry for him because he had just moved here and had no friends. I thought it was a nice thing to do...but my bf got REALLY angry at me, and thought it was really weird. And didn't want me to be friends with him. So i didn't contact him. The next night we went out clubbing and he acted very strangely towards me, like he didn't want me there. I ignored him all the next day, while him constantly calling me apologising telling me how much he loved me, and how he needs a cuddle and to please not hate him, that he was just still mad about the 'bus boy'. This is when things started to change.

 

I asked him if it was the jealousy issue, an if he thought i was going to hurt him etc. And he said , 'no that wasn't it at all' and got really defensive. He said that he knew i would never hurt him, he said his feelings had just changed towards me in this week and that he just wants to be independent and not have a girlfriend. To not have to worry about seeing me, or worry what i'll think about what he does, having to consider me all the time, whether im going to go out with him or not, an where im going and what im going to do then. And he said for instance, if he wanted to go away with his friends, he said he knew i would be like , 'yea goo have fun' , but he said then he'd be like, aww but i want you to come, should i gooo...'' etc etc.

 

I said to him , 'is this something that you'll regret'' and he kept shaking his head looking really upset and going, 'i really dont know'. The day before breaking up with me kept sending me msgs saying , 'im so sorry, you dont deserve this x0x0x0x0x0x0x'' and kept saying im an amazing girl, but hes just so confused about things , but it has nothing to do with me. Apparently. He said he thought we rushed things and we should've hung out more before we got together.

Im really unsure of the whole situation, everyone is really confused by it and did not see this coming as we were seen as the 'perfect couple'. We have alot of mutual friends and now its going to be really weird when i see him. He really wants to be friends...but i dont know.

Do u think maybe i was a rebound girl..

i asked him if i was and he said 'No that he had REALLY strong feelings for me, that all he could ever think about was me and how much he loved me''. Which is why i think it was so strange his feelings changed in a week. His friends always told me that he always talks about me that he's literally obsessed with me. Im really confused...i don't get what went wrong.

He said hes had a girlfriend since he was in yr 9..so yeah..

 

I guess what im asking is do you think jealousy was the cause of the break up, and if so..is it normal for him to deny it and get really defensive when i kept insisting i thought that was reason...??

 

Please help..ask any questions, give any suggestions, advice whatever

[im sorry its so long]

[Boughs]

How long did you two date.

 

He is probably concerned that you are the one... and is scared. He needs his time to discover himself more. I'd suggest giving it to him. Say hi every 2 months or so (don't let it be prolonged, just a hi hope all is well kind of thing... like an e-mail or something). He needs to enjoy his time alone for a while it seems..

 

He of course feels bad, but you should be happy he is doing what he feels... rather than supressing it.

[Boughs]

jealousy could have been a factor of the breakup, it was probably an excuse to fuel his small fire. It doesn't seem like he is 100% certain. Just be careful if he asks for you back. Take it easy back in

[justme07]

We dated for around 4 months [i know, not a very long time...but yea]

He insisted though that jealousy had nothing to do with it...do u think he may have been lying to me? As it's a pretty silly reason to me. But then again, his ex did cheat on him twice. I'm really unsure.

 

He always used to make comments like 'wow look how many more guy friends you have on ur msn than u do girls' and then sort of go all quiet and drop it. And i tend to get alot of comments on myspace from a few of my close guy friends where they say they love me etc, but in a friendly way. I'm not sure...maybe he's just not comfortable with it, and didn't want to say cos he knows i would disagree with this as a reason for breaking up? And plus, maybe he's embarrassed by his silliness?

 

But then again, i think its silly, cos i don't see i was doing anything wrong...but maybe i was? I'm only young, so im kind of new to the whole love relationship thing , i've only had two past serious relationships, so maybe i was doing something that's unacceptable.

 

Do you think that its likely he'll miss me and want me back?

Even if he said he doesn't feel the same way? Or was the change in feelings caused by his jealousy?

im sorry, i know i may not make much sense...but any advice and/or ideas would be so helpful

[spirits]

justme07, seriously, some guys just don't understand there can be guy/girl friendship. I've had such an experience with my female friend's boyfriend. My female friend sent him my contact because he wants it so we talked. EVERY TIME I Log in, there he is, messaging me about what i did, when did i go out, did i talk to his girlfriend etc etc... that was so annoying i just give up talking to both of them in the end because the guy was so freaken annoying. I don't want to have anything to do with it. Be careful of jealous boyfriends.

 

If he doesn't trust you, that means they believe that guys only befriend girls because they have intention towards them. That is a very poor belief system.

But the thing you shouldn't do is go out with those guys like 12 o'clock at night drinking. There are some things you shouldn't do as a girlfriend. If you do something similar to that, then it's natural he'll be jealous.

 

If you really didn't do anything like what i've just described above, and he breaks up with you, then he BELIEVES that you cheated on him already OR that he believes YOU WILL cheat on him.

 

If you are completely innocent, then he's an idiot.

If you are not completely innocent, then he did the right thing.

 

He broke up with you because he perceives that you are disloyal. Whether that's true or not doesn't matter in this forum, but that's the train of thought he's experiencing.