College..

[BBHFutureAllAmerican]

ok so I know this is very odd, we're both 16, but she's a year older ahead of me in high school, so she'll be graduating a year sooner. And by now you are all thinking, "Wow this kid is way too young to be worried about this stuff!" The truth is that I really do have her set on the rest of my life, I have met a lot of different people, gambled my chances with different girls, wasted time on different girls, and I'm sure this is the one I want to be with. If you're still thinking we're too young for this, college is only 2 and a half years away for me, n a year and a half for her.

 

Her mom wants her to go to her alum near Chicago (a good 5 hours from here) or to a college in Sioux City (about 6 1/2 hours from here.) She has told me that she wants to go some place close, like one in Cedar Falls, which is an hour and a half from here. She currently lives a half an hour away, but college is a heck of a lot different then high school.

 

I've told her I want her to go wherever she'll benefit most for her career, but the thing is she still doesn't know what she wants to do, but I would honestly rather her happy without me, and make a decent living, then be miserable with me. The thing that still gets me is that I've really invested a lot into our relationship and it does honestly worry me that she'll meet somebody knew, and with all that time and effort spent with her, will cease to be of any importance anymore.

 

I guess I'm just really ranting, but any advice on how to cope and/or deal with this would be much appreciated!

[Suesser Tod]

Yes, you are way too young, and if you think that at this point you've seen it all, hold on as you're in for a lot of surprises!

 

And what do you mean by "wasted time on different girls", you mean like being a couple for some years, or being a couple living together, or being married for 20+ years and then divorcing?

 

All I want to tell you is that at 16 you've got no idea of what your adult life will be like.

[BBHFutureAllAmerican]

indeed i don't, so you're saying i'm wasting my time with this one girl?

[keytwist]

This might be kind of cheesy, but your post immediately made me think of what is now referred to as the serenity prayer- God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

 

It sounds like you have a lot of thinking to do. It seems to me that there are some questions you and she should talk about. What would making a lifetime commitment to each other at your age really mean? What are the pros and cons of her going away to school?

 

I don't know, man, but I wish you a lot of luck however it turns out.

[Suesser Tod]

indeed i don't, so you're saying i'm wasting my time with this one girl?

 

No way! All these experiences you're having will shape you into an adult, and will also give you experience for when the times come for a real long term relationship.

 

Life is nothing but a learning experience, so in fact, you didn't wasted time with the past girls, as each one of them teached you something about relationships, yourself, and what you want in a partner, that will help make things better in the future.

[BBHFutureAllAmerican]

This might be kind of cheesy, but your post immediately made me think of what is now referred to as the serenity prayer- God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

 

It sounds like you have a lot of thinking to do. It seems to me that there are some questions you and she should talk about. What would making a lifetime commitment to each other at your age really mean? What are the pros and cons of her going away to school?

 

I don't know, man, but I wish you a lot of luck however it turns out.

 

i do definitley have a lot of thinking to do, and we do talk about a lot of these things already, and it's been really boggling my mind about it, that's why I came here cuz we've been talking about this for the past 3-4 months now, cuz it'll be here sooner then expected, but thank you.

 

No way! All these experiences you're having will shape you into an adult, and will also give you experience for when the times come for a real long term relationship.

 

Life is nothing but a learning experience, so in fact, you didn't wasted time with the past girls, as each one of them teached you something about relationships, yourself, and what you want in a partner, that will help make things better in the future.

 

 

and thank you, because i really do want her here, we've dealt with a lot different stuff in our fairly short time together, and i wanna be there for it all, simple and the struggle, but thank you so much!

[ORLY]

Hiya

 

I'm in a very similar situation- except she's a senior and I'm a junior. My suggestion to you is that you and her talk about it some time! I mean, even if one is going to a college far away you can always write to eachother and keep in touch and that's probably the best you could do for her if you can't go where she is going. And maybe you two could visit eachother during holiday breaks or something!

 

Make the best out of the situation, be her friend when she's away if nothing more

[ghost69]

i think you are doing the right thing by encouraging her to go where she feels comfortable. you should push her into her education at this point. a lot of people make the mistake of staying with someone when they are young, then they end up kicking themselves for the rest of their lives for not taking advantage of their education. if she meets someone, she meets someone. that doesn't mean you were a bad guy. when you are 16, you think you are in love most of the time when you are with someone. i used to think that when i was with my ex for 4.5 years. trust me, i'm so happy now. and her and i are still friends.

[Daligal83]

Right now there's not much you can do about the situation. It will all depend on where she gets into school and what she decides at that point. Since it's far away, try to enjoy your relationship now instead of worrying. When it comes to the time that she's applying to and hearing back from schools, then have more serious discussions about what is the best for each of you.

 

I think it's great that you are both mature enough to think ahead and try to plan for your futures, but really enjoy your time together now since you can't decide anything yet.

[ghost69]

you are still a ways away from college. live in the present for now. but think of your future when you aren't enjoying her company.