Soul Mates

[EllieA]

I was not sure where to post this question, but here it is.

 

My soul mate are not together in the classical sense. I am married to a fine man whom I love dearly, and want to spend the rest of my life with.

 

The conflict here is that my soul mate is in pain, and I feel the need to show him the same kindness he showed me so many years ago. He risked everything to be there for me. I just can not decide if I should do the same in return.

 

help!

[Batya33]

You absolutely can show him kindness while keeping your marriage vows. Last time I checked, promising not to be friends with other people was not part of the marriage vows. If he is truly your soul mate he will of course understand if you can return the favor only in a way that is consistent with your marriage vows, right? Or, are you looking to justify cheating on your husband by claiming that you "have to" "help" your soul mate?

[EllieA]

This is not about cheating, it is about being there for someone who looked out for me.

 

thank you so much.

[Batya33]

Well, your post is confusing then. Why would it matter that you are married if all you want to do is be supportive to someone else?

[andyg]

I think it's a real problem that your married and calling someone other than your husband your "soulmate". That in itself qualifies as emotional cheating in my book, how would your husband feel about you saying that? And what do you mean this guy risked everything? did he risk a marriage? In my oppinion if you're keeping in touch with the man you view as your soul mate, you're playing with fire and it won't end good for your marriage.

[EllieA]

My husband knows about this whole situation, and has been supportive through it all. In writing that, I see that there is little risk on my part, and that I should respect the fact that my husband trusts me, and I should do what I can to help relieve the pain of a dying friend.

[ghost69]

so you aren't married to your soul mate?

[EllieA]

No ghost I am not married to my soulmate.

[Dako]

I understand.

Seems like a perfectly good thing to help your friend.

You husband sounds like a decent fellow.

 

Good luck.

[Batya33]

If your soulmate is dying, I hope you can be there for him in any way possible - is this a situation where perhaps you can involve your husband too so that you can both be there for him?

 

I am very sorry to hear this and I am sure your friend so appreciates your support.

 

One more thing - if for some reason you cannot be there for your soulmate can you be there to support his family because that would be indirectly helping him, too - ask them what they need for example - who knows - food, for you to make some calls, to help them with errands - however you can be there. It's a chain reaction when you support someone who is trying to support someone else who is dying.

 

Your heart is in the right place. I am sure your husband will see that shining through.

[Jetta]

So your soulmate is dying? Well be a friend to him, but nothing more. It's good that your husband knows about your relationship (obviously you're trustworthy because you've shared this with your husband). I know of a friend who met her soulmate after being married, they're close friends. If he left his marriage for you you may need to back off but if he's dying he really needs some support and you ought to be the one to offer it.

[Batya33]

I think it's a real problem that your married and calling someone other than your husband your "soulmate". That in itself qualifies as emotional cheating in my book, how would your husband feel about you saying that? And what do you mean this guy risked everything? did he risk a marriage? In my oppinion if you're keeping in touch with the man you view as your soul mate, you're playing with fire and it won't end good for your marriage.

 

Would you still jump to the conclusion that this was "emotional cheating" if the man was related to her or gay? Not sure why all of a sudden she is a cheater just because she feels more emotionally connected to someone who is not her husband? As long as she is faithful to her husband and not letting this other man interfere with her marriage vows I cannot see how simply referring to someone else as a soulmate automatically renders her a cheater.

[EllieA]

Batya, I wish that were the case, but they are not there for him, and that in itself is part of the problem. I think you are right, about involving my husband, I am sure, if nothing else the both of them would find a new friend.

 

Dako, thank you, and yes my husband is a wonderful man.

[FrancisHouseman]

I think it's a real problem that your married and calling someone other than your husband your "soulmate". That in itself qualifies as emotional cheating in my book, how would your husband feel about you saying that? And what do you mean this guy risked everything? did he risk a marriage? In my oppinion if you're keeping in touch with the man you view as your soul mate, you're playing with fire and it won't end good for your marriage.

 

 

At first i totally agreed with you and wa thinking the same thing.

 

however, by the time I reached the end of the thread, i thought 'who am i to judge how someone else lives their life' and i was filled with sadness for Ellie.

 

im so sorry for your impending loss

[EllieA]

Jetta,

 

He did not leave a marriage for me, He risked being abandonded by his parents and removed from his home when he was 17 years old. He did this to make sure I was safe when my mother locked me out on more than one occasion. I do not know of many teenagers who would ever be that selfless.

[Jetta]

Thanks for sharing. Be there for him without harming your marriage.

[ghost69]

how old are all of the people involved in this?

[EllieA]

I am 45, my husband is 42, and my friend and soul mate is 46.

[ghost69]

ok. if you would have said under 24 i would have cringed. anyways, if you husband is understanding why not assist your other. but if you tell your husband is your soulmate, i'm not sure he would feel too good.

[EllieA]

Ghost,

 

I think you and I differ on what a “soul mate” is. It seems to me that you believe that a soul mate is the person with whom you have significant other relationship with. To me a “soul mate” can be anyone. It can be a friend or a relative, there are twins who are soul mates. A soul mate may even be a person who you have never met and may never meet.

No, my husband and I are not soul mates, our relationship does not have the connection that soul mates do. He is however my best friend. I guess the people who do have a significant other that is also a soul mate are blessed. But I do not think that happens all that often, with all the divorce, and cheating. Look at the posts in this forum from people in a relationship, but not with soul mate.

[ghost69]

all i'm saying is that you told your husband he isn't your soul mate and he is cool with that? i know what a soul mate is. soul actually means 'sole'. but it is kindred spirits that are matched together and are bound in the stars. that is soul. all i'm asking is if your husband knows that you think this guy is your soul mate and that he isn't? and if so, how does he feel about that?

[EllieA]

My husband and I have spoken about soul mates in the past, it is an idea that he has never believed in. He has always known about how close I was with this other fellow, long before my husband and I ever met. My husband knows of the connection between us, but no, I have never labled it to him.

[andyg]

My only point is that your husband may take exception to the term "soulmate". If you don't want to be with him then it's not emotional cheating. I misunderstood. Most of the people on this board would use the term soulmate to describe a significant other. I thought your "soulmate" was what you view as "the one that got away" and you're still carrying romantic feelings. I was wrong. If you do carry any romantic feelings I think this is a mistake but it doesn't seem like you view him in a romantic way.

[ghost69]

you may want to refrain from telling him that you think this other guy is your soulmate. your husband might think you are his.

[Dako]

EllieA,

 

I gathered what you meant by your first post. Relationships don't always fall into standardized categories, nor should they.

 

Love is the bigger matter, and you're a lucky person.