Breaking Down

[seanx]

I'd like to apologize in advance, this is really just a longwinded invitation to my pity party, so if you don't wanna come don't bother reading on. There's a lot of different subjects in here, so I didn't know quite where to put this. Sorry if it's in the wrong place.

 

I'm 19 years old and in college. For a while I've been pretty depressed.

 

Physically I'm not very attractive. I'm 19 and losing my hair so I wear a hat every day to hide it, got acne still, and am starting to get fat.

 

I think I might have a case of social anxiety disorder. Whenever I'm out in public I get really nervous. I feel like whenever I hear someone laugh, they're laughing at me, or whenever someone whispers they're whispering at me. This has been going on for a long time, since about middle school.

 

My personality is bad too. In public I'm pretty shy so it doesn't shine through, and when I do meet people I put on a happy facade just so they get at least a little comfortable or ignore me. Under that though, as you guys can tell by now, I'm a whiney loser. I don't talk about my personal problems a lot, but when I get sad (which is a lot) I don't bother hiding it, and I just depress people. I get to thinking that there are so many people with bigger problems than me, and I'm just annoying people with my trivial ones.

 

I've never had a girlfriend, been on a date before, or kissed a girl. When I try to get up the confidence to go out somewhere or talk to a girl I like, self-consciousness butts in, mostly regarding how ugly I think I am, and how the girl probably wouldn't want to go out with me anyway. I think about improving myself for this sake, or at least to get some more confidence and feel better about myself, but I end up thinking it's pointless. Mainly because I've got a small penis, and I think no matter how "ripped" I get, how good my personality is (it isn't), the relationship would get nowhere because of that. What girl would settle for a guy with a good personality and a horrible sex life?

 

It's just an endless cycle. I try to better myself, but then I just think it'll be worthless in the long run. I'm so tired all the time, and it's making me lose focus in school. The only real meaningful socializing I do is on the internet.

 

Since I'm so scared of talking about my problems too, I'm scared of going to a therapist. I think I'll just waste their time, they're probably tired of whiners like me coming around anyway.

 

I'm even afraid to talk to my parents about these things, although I think they know. They're not bad parents, I love them, but I just don't know why I'm so scared of talking to them about it. Maybe it's because I think they'll start treating me differently if they know I feel this way.

 

Anyway, sorry for the long rant. I just needed to get this off my chest, since I've been holding it in for so long. Thanks for listening.

[Honey Pumpkin]

Hi Sean!

 

Okay, your post was quite long, and there were a LOT of things that you wanted to get off your chest, which was good.

 

 

I'm 19 years old and in college. For a while I've been pretty depressed.

 

What's a while? Since you started, or has this come on gradually? A LOT of young people at university for the first time feel like this, and there are places on campus that can help you with this. Have you checked any of them out? It's a common feeling, and while I know that you think you're alone, you're really not. Loads of people (the majority?) feel scared and stupid and anxious at times. You're honestly not alone.

 

Physically I'm not very attractive. I'm 19 and losing my hair so I wear a hat every day to hide it, got acne still, and am starting to get fat.

 

I bet you're a nice looking guy, and that it's lack of confidence in yourself thats holding you back. Hair - I know it's sensitive for you, but women honestly don't care. Shave it off and have done with it! Acne clears up (get advice), and starting to get fat? Well if you're just STARTING, that's easy - a bit of exercise and healthy eating will sort that out for you in a couple of weeks.

 

I think I might have a case of social anxiety disorder. Whenever I'm out in public I get really nervous. I feel like whenever I hear someone laugh, they're laughing at me, or whenever someone whispers they're whispering at me. This has been going on for a long time, since about middle school.

 

Hmmm, sounds like it's tied in with the depression and the anxiety that you've described - and the lack of self-confidence. I think that this would ease with trying to get out there and build self-esteem, but I'm really no expert. It might be worth while talking to your doctor about this? Or a counsellor on campus.

 

My personality is bad too. In public I'm pretty shy so it doesn't shine through, and when I do meet people I put on a happy facade just so they get at least a little comfortable or ignore me. Under that though, as you guys can tell by now, I'm a whiney loser.

 

Your personality seems just fine to me - you're articulate and self aware, and not a whiner. I bet that you don't come accross as whiney or a loser, but possibly a bit shy and quiet - which are not bad traits AT ALL!

 

I've never had a girlfriend, been on a date before, or kissed a girl. When I try to get up the confidence to go out somewhere or talk to a girl I like, self-consciousness butts in, mostly regarding how ugly I think I am, and how the girl probably wouldn't want to go out with me anyway.

 

You're 19 - half the people around you haven't been out with anyone or scored yet. Honestly, most people lie about this anyway, trust me. You get to thirty and eveyrone fesses up that they weren't at it until they were in their twenties! I think you need to get out there and socialise, not to meet girls as such, but just to get to know more people. Find out what interests you, and take risks. It gets easier with each step.

 

I think you need to consider talkign to someone about this, but also realise that you're just fine and need to work on building your self-esteem and confidence, and things will just fall into place. There are some great sites out there about how to do this.

 

link removed isn't too bad. But there is loads of material available

 

Keep posting - and don't be so hard on yourself!!

[terk2021]

Sean,

 

Welcome to enotalone. Half of the battle is positive thinking. I had acne years ago, and nothing seemed to help. I took acutane, and it got rid of it. I was shy through my 1st couple of years of high school before I transitioned myself out of that mode. You need to be happy with yourself 1st, before you can really be in a relationship and make someone else happy.

 

Write down some goals for yourself. The good news is everything you are going through can be fixed. Do you have friends that you can talk to about how you feel? I knew someone with social anxiety. She felt very uncomfortable in groups. Her doctor gave her meds for it, and she did so much better after that.

 

You are 19, and have many great years ahead of you. It's ok to have those feelings, and you are not a bad person for having them. It's just time to do something about it.

[Locke2121]

Listen to a fellow baldy dude, shave the hair down! You don't have to take it down all the way. Military crop is fine. You may think I'm crazy, but alot of women like bald men. Did you know it actually means we're loaded with more testosterone?!

[Jetta]

There are solutions to all of your problems. Try Rogain, it really helps. Go to a dermatologist or try some over the counter remedies that are proven to heal your acne. And yes you sound like you struggle with depression. You can try affirmations, positive thinking, therapy, and meds. Check out link removed Get the book and read it. It's helped me in life greatly.

[Boughs]

By setting down and achieving goals, you have stories to tell... with stories you can get people's interest... with holding interest, comes confidence, with confidence comes girls.

 

Set goals, achieve them, and then look.