seanx Posted March 5, 2007 Share Posted March 5, 2007 I'd like to apologize in advance, this is really just a longwinded invitation to my pity party, so if you don't wanna come don't bother reading on. There's a lot of different subjects in here, so I didn't know quite where to put this. Sorry if it's in the wrong place. I'm 19 years old and in college. For a while I've been pretty depressed. Physically I'm not very attractive. I'm 19 and losing my hair so I wear a hat every day to hide it, got acne still, and am starting to get fat. I think I might have a case of social anxiety disorder. Whenever I'm out in public I get really nervous. I feel like whenever I hear someone laugh, they're laughing at me, or whenever someone whispers they're whispering at me. This has been going on for a long time, since about middle school. My personality is bad too. In public I'm pretty shy so it doesn't shine through, and when I do meet people I put on a happy facade just so they get at least a little comfortable or ignore me. Under that though, as you guys can tell by now, I'm a whiney loser. I don't talk about my personal problems a lot, but when I get sad (which is a lot) I don't bother hiding it, and I just depress people. I get to thinking that there are so many people with bigger problems than me, and I'm just annoying people with my trivial ones. I've never had a girlfriend, been on a date before, or kissed a girl. When I try to get up the confidence to go out somewhere or talk to a girl I like, self-consciousness butts in, mostly regarding how ugly I think I am, and how the girl probably wouldn't want to go out with me anyway. I think about improving myself for this sake, or at least to get some more confidence and feel better about myself, but I end up thinking it's pointless. Mainly because I've got a small penis, and I think no matter how "ripped" I get, how good my personality is (it isn't), the relationship would get nowhere because of that. What girl would settle for a guy with a good personality and a horrible sex life? It's just an endless cycle. I try to better myself, but then I just think it'll be worthless in the long run. I'm so tired all the time, and it's making me lose focus in school. The only real meaningful socializing I do is on the internet. Since I'm so scared of talking about my problems too, I'm scared of going to a therapist. I think I'll just waste their time, they're probably tired of whiners like me coming around anyway. I'm even afraid to talk to my parents about these things, although I think they know. They're not bad parents, I love them, but I just don't know why I'm so scared of talking to them about it. Maybe it's because I think they'll start treating me differently if they know I feel this way. Anyway, sorry for the long rant. I just needed to get this off my chest, since I've been holding it in for so long. Thanks for listening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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