Help - This is bugging me..

[Clanger]

Hi everyone, my first post here, but ive been reading thro and seen some good advice so im hoping you guys can help me

 

Ok its a very long story, but ill try and make it shorter

Me and my hubby have been married just over 10 years together for 15 im now 35 hes 38

The last few years have been hard.. my husband has a life long illness (not life threatenin but very painfull) and this year i also have been ill bloated up like a balloon and felt terrible, fat and ugly and down

Anywaaayyy hubby runs his own business and mentioned he was going to get someone else in to help a few hours in the office, i said no worries, talked about an advert etcc.. we then had a horrible long weekend away in october i was very ill, and he seemed to not want to be with me and moaned about me being silly with my girlyfriend & her boyfriend who we stayed with.

then my granny died & i went into hospital, nothing major but was in for 2 weeks having copius tests getting very very down He popped into to tell me about the new lady at work that a friend had put him onto, and was doing nothing but praising her, i was off my head on tablets and just remember feeling like he was a little too excited about it, anyway hed been really sweet whilst he was in hospital (just before i went in id been having a conversation with a friend that he took me for granted at home & was a lazy stoner and i was gonna kick some * * * so i wasnt sure if she'd had a word)

Anyway then i came out of hospital and was totally drained - all my mates were worried about me but were sayin its ok he'll been running round after you, you just relax etcc..

So what does he do.. ive been home 2 days and he announces that hes off camping with his bro for a few days as his bros a bit down.. is that ok (in a if you say no im gonna sulk way) at this stage i was having to sit down after walking down the stairs i was so tired, but i just told him to go for a quiet life.... and then cried for the next day and i felt it was confirmed that he really didnt give a sh*t or fancy me anymore!

Anyway then his mobile bill turns up while he is away.. and while we were on holiday/while ive been ill hes been texting this number i dont recognize (we have the same friends) at all times up to 10 times a day and up to 2 in the morning! and calls for 1hr plus... so i decide to ring it cos its eating me up, and pretend ive got the wrong number but try and suss who it is...

Anyway it was the 'new girl' i pulled it off i think without her guessing i was fishing then i rang up a friend in tears, which was hard as i try and deal with everything myself normally but i was about to explode! and i wanted to check i wasnt being unresonable (i have NO problem with him having female friends, but doing things behind my back is a different matter, especially when its someone i dont know!)

Anyway i couldnt get through on his phone, so thought id call his brother to check he was actually with him.. no awnser at home none at the office, i do believe he was with him, as i have mentioned it since on the off chance and stories seem to tally up.

Anyway weather he was having ideas about this girl or what i dont know but boy did i fly when he got home...

The last few years of pent up frustration came flying out.. coupled with a lot of how dare you etccc and he just burst into tears..

Told me he knew it was out of order, admitted he lied about how he met her (she actually had just popped in the shop and theyd got chatting) but felt he needed an outsider to chat too as he wated to stop the smoking and stop being such an * * * *.. and nothing happened in 'that' way and he had stopped texting her recently anyway.. i even asked if hed been with her and not with his bro.. to which he said 'course not. i love you sooo much, i just need to sort myself out, why do you put up with me.. i treat you like sh*t and im a lazy stoned idiot' - to which i had the satisfaction of saying ' im beginning to wonder...'

so i laid down the law a bit.. that i was NOT going to take his lazy * * * * anymore, as much as i love him we are now in such a routine after all this time together that its easy to stay in it,but it would have to change or i would be walking.. and if i ever found out there was anything else to it.. he was a dead man!

But anyway things HAVE got so much better

Since then i have been back in hospital again.. but im much better now, lost 2 stone and feeling much better and feel attractive again which is fantastic and hes stopped smoking and wont leave me alone and gets on and does stuff without me having to ask and is being lovely.

The only problem now is (its normally when i have PMT lol) i keep wondering if she ever gets in touch, he used to be very protective of his phone, but now will leave it out and doesnt mind me using it.. so i dont think i need to worry, but i cant help but have a niggle and a part of me just wants to ask him .. but another big part tells me to let it lie, i know he has a lot to deal with himself being unwell and on so much medication all the time.. so i dont want to cause hassle for no reason!

 

On the flip side several years ago i had a male friend he didnt know about (who also had a girlfriend) that helped me through a hard time when my husband was ill, we chatted and flirted but never met up ( and would never had as we were both very in love with our other halves, just had fun chatting, and let off a bit of steam together) If he had known im sure this would have got the same reaction from him - but a guy 8 hours away accross the country is far different to a girl in the next village in my eyes.

 

It still bugs me that i dont know what she looks like.. arggghhhh

so the big question ( and thank you if you are still awake having read this far) is... do i bring it up and ask if shes ever been in touch again or let it lie?

[Locke2121]

Sounds like he was tempted...but he held strong...hang on to this one!

 

It still bugs me that i dont know what she looks like.. arggghhhh

 

Forget her. He leaves his phone out as a symbol of trust..his way of saying "See? She's outta here!"

 

Let it die off I say. You've landed a keeper, just hang on tight hun!

[sydny]

Temptation can strike anywhere, anytime - what counts is how you deal with it, how hard you (want to) 'fight' or resist..............

I think your hubby knows where he wants to be, and by leaving his phone around, he's underlining the fact that she's no longer 'around'....

Sounds like you guys will be OK - give him some space, don't bring it up and things should work out fine!

 

Be there for each other and hang in there!