Advice from those who have been there ?

[4answers]

Hi guys, Some advice from those who have been there !

 

I have parted with an ex, about one month full no contact, she may be with another, I suspect she is. But that is not the issue. We fell out, took two people, faults on both sides, but I cannot rid myself of the guilt, because 1. I tret her badly and 2. I did the needy obsesive ex, which lowered my value to her and drove her away.

 

How do you deal with the sense of failure, guilt over actions and loss of the emotional interest / friendship of a significant other.

 

Its just gone ! like it never happened, but the painfull memories are still there, the regret is still there and the longing for her ! I still feel like contacting her on msn, but I wont. How can I have been so wrong in my level of attraction to her compared to her level of attraction to me ?

 

People talk about moving on ! But I always regret when a relationship fails, how can someone else not feel the same way ?

 

(I mean a once loving relationship).

[Stu147]

Hi 4answers,

 

You admit yourself that you did the 'needy/obsessive' thing, so I don't think contacting her would be the best idea.

 

What you need to do is to move on, and you can start by forgiving yourself. Ok, you are not proud of how you behaved. Fine, so learn from that and prevent it happening again. Bear in mind that you were undoubtedly under a lot of emotional strain at the time which prompted your irrational behaviour. Don't let these few irrational actions define how you see yourself as a person. You are much more than that. You just lost control for a time.

 

Work on your self respect, work on your insecurity, and give yourself a break. Move forward, don't look back. The pain will go in time (as glib as that may sound). And who knows, maybe one day in the future your paths will cross again. But right now you are not ready to be with her again, and she is most likely not ready to have you back.

 

You will get past this and be a far better person for it, believe me. Take care, and wish you all the best...

[Pegasus]

Hi 4answers,

 

There is no magic formula to get rid of regrets and guilt. I know it very well because I was and still am fighting with something like that. I guess the time should pass and that is the only thing. My only advice to you is - learn from that experience. Learn that if you don't treat people the way you should, they would leave. And that is pretty good point for the future. Just don't make the same mistake twice. That would be really really bad thing.

[Orlander]

How do you deal with the sense of failure, guilt over actions and loss of the emotional interest / friendship of a significant other.

 

Some good advice by okie and superior. Dont concern yourself with what your ex is doing or thinking . Time to focus on you now. Forgive yourself and learn from your mistakes. Take a little time to reflect and then get back out there again.

 

 

Orlander

[Iceman26]

I found that learning from the experience and forgiveness of yourself were the two key things that helped me get over bad relationships.