More down than I've ever been

[samross]

It's Monday morning and I'm sitting here trying to concentrate on things I need to but I can't focus. I go to bed at night thinking about her with tears in my eyes and wake up in the morning thinking about her with tears in my eyes. I'm quitting the band. I can't sleep or eat. I know this is old hat to everyone. I feel so numb. And so foolish. I laid in bed last night replaying every moment, every look she gave him, every laugh. If anyone would just say a prayer for me today I would be so grateful.

[majord23]

It will be cold comfort to you sam - but I, and numerous, others have been exactly where you are right now mate...and have made it through. It will get better - you have to believe that.

 

I know how it feels to feel sick to your stomach, totally consumed by the thoughts of what 'might have been' and what is currently happening now. There is no easy way through it, you really do have to tough it out and stay strong pal.

As an old Irish woman used to say to me: "When you're in a hole, look up."

 

I think time away from the band is probably the best thing for you at the moment mate. Keep posting...and I will say a prayer for you buddy.

[samross]

dear ellie2006,

Thank you for checking on me. I'm trying to keep myself busy. My depression has kicked in full and I feel pretty miserable. I woke up this morning feeling so alone. Throughout the day I have meetings to go to and work to do but I am really struggling trying to stay focused. I picked up my guitar last night but had to put it down because I couldn't stop the tears. I can't understand how someone that supposedly loved me can be so heartless and just completely ignore my obvious pain. Thank you again...

[papalazarou]

Samross,

 

 

Oh and one more thing: just bc you're walking away from the band right now, please do NOT walk away from those who care about you. This is NOT the time to isolate yourself; turn to your friends and let them be your support system.

 

This is so important Samross. I truly feel for you.

 

This is why NC is advocated to avoid any of these types of scenarios.

 

You were not to know and had to find out the hard way which is quite frankly sh1t.

[GoSox07]

Sam,

Focusing on work during a time like this can be brutal - I was pretty much worthless for a two week span (where, ironically enough, I was promoted ). I did nothing but stare blankly at my computer screen and tried not to break down.

 

I learned that doing little things (read: not in-depth projects or anything that involves heavy mental lifting) like busy-work, as awful as it sounds, is enough to take your mind off of "her" for a while. Whenever I felt that I couldn't do it anymore, I'd open up MS Word and type my journal entries to email to myself for when I got home.

 

I also began to consistently work out after work. Some of my worst moments came when I got home from work and realized that I had nothing to do that didn't involve copious amounts of alcohol. Sometimes it's easier to begin your "internal" healing by starting with your outside - this will slowly bring your confidence back around. I've since started mountain biking again, which I haven't done in over 10 years! It's a good time to pick up some constructive hobbies and activities.

 

I'm about 6 weeks in to the end of a 3-year relationship. Obviously, it hasn't all been rosy, and I still feel pain and miss her. However, my emotional well-being is exponentially improved from the first 3 weeks, and hopefully the next 3 will bring even more healing. Just remember, there are 6 billion people on this planet, and 95% of them have gone through EXACTLY what you are going through right now - that includes actors, rock stars, and professional athletes. Nobody is immune, and it is a part of growing. We're all here for you - keep us posted on your progress!

[samross]

I appreciate all of you reaching out to me. It just cuts deep knowing it was my best friend. I feel like they were laughing at me in my pain the other night. And it hurts even more knowing that they're singing songs I wrote and having a great time with each other. I don't know that I will ever trust someone again with my heart.

[mariab.]

Sam,

You will get through it you will!! I know this sounds cliche, but things happen for a reason, something better will come out of it. Hang in there!

[samross]

I hope something better does happen. I am so tired. Just so tired.

[celene]

Hope you are feeling better. She doesnt know what she has lost. Its her loss and not yours. Dont quit the band! Take care of yourself. Go shopping, go bar hopping and pull some hot chicks.(Not for a rebound though but just to boost your ego) Show her that you can live without her and then eventually someday soon you will have a hot chick on your side and she will regret that she ever let you go...but then it will be too late...for her!!!

[Locke2121]

Sam, we can't pick the ones we love. Don't blame them, just move on.

 

Oh, and as per original request.

 

 

"May the Gods bless you and keep you in your time of need. May the Father give you the courage to face each new day with pride and boldness. May the Mother shine her blessed light on you each night to grace your dreams with peace. Walk the way of love and light, and you will find your way to the end of the path."

[samross]

Thank you to everyone. I realize this is something I will have to accept. I feel foolish because just a few days ago I was giving what I thought was good advice to others here. I can't even get my own life straight so who am I to suggest to people what to do, right? For the past several days all I have thought about was taking my guitar, laying down in a field of grass somewhere, listening to the wind and watching the clouds go by and then just go to sleep and not wake up. I know it is not the thing to do and I would only hurt those that do love me, even if I know that she isn't one of them. My Christian faith won't let me do that so I know I must find a way through the pain. All of your words have helped me.

[This is Horrible]

Sam-

 

Keep your head up. the beginning is the worst it is so agonozing its not even fair for someone to have to go through it. It will get better. I promise it will get better.

 

I was in the same seat as you two months ago. I thought I would never feel better and that I had just lost the greatest person in the world, but, in time, you will begin to get your life back and be happy.

 

we are here for you. put your thoughts down here. there are many good people here who have gone through and are going through the same thing you are.

 

God Bless.

[istillluvu06]

i was in your shoes this whole last summer and part of the fall. I really understand how you feel. it hurts like hell and affects everything in your life. theres no quick fix or cure for the gut wrenching feeling of heartbreak, i used to say i would rather have 2 broken legs then go through the pain one more day!!! You are not alone, even though you feel like it. Never forget that. Keep posting on here and reading other peoples experiences. It does help a little. Its gonna be ok.......you'll see

[lady00]

Sorry you're going through this. Try not to get caught up in the cycle of negative thought. It's hard at first especially when your emotions are raw. Only you have ultimate control over how you feel. Right now it seems like they are dictating how you feel. They have no right to that control. You are the only one who has the right to affect your emotional state. Take a moment to take back control over yourself and the way you feel. Put on a good song. Better yet, the next chance you get, take your music with you to the gym and go for a rigorous workout. Practice minimal contact with your ex. You need to get back to a mental state where you really believe that you a hot commodity your time is valuable and that you have a lot ot contribute to the world. So, spending your time doing anything that is not productive is a waste of your valuable, precious, time. Plan constructive things to fill your time. Instead of thinking of your ex, come up with a thought plan of something that you can think about that makes you feel (some goal you have, some positive fantasy) and then hopefully you will be able to stop the negative thoughts. Continue giving others constructive advice. I guarantee it will make you feel better to feel that you are helping someone. It's all about thinking positive thoughts and putting yourself to good use. That is where you confidence will start to creep back in. It can start with a song that makes you feel good and then it can grow from there into an entire worldview which makes you feel positive, confident and goal-oriented.

 

It's not a path without relapses. Expect relapses. I think one of the biggest lessons I've learned from breaking up and from hearing about others dealing with breakups is that you can't just sit and wait for time to pass and the feelings to diminish. You have to do something about those negative thoughts and feelings to get yourself to a positive mental place. That takes working on the outside as well as the inside. Plan, make goals, figure out how to achieve them. This applies to how you feel emotionally as well as to career, family, etc. Good luck.

[samross]

Thank you. I will try to take your advice (lady00). I need to make some positive changes in my life. I guess for now music isn't it because it brings on painful reminders of what was and what could have been. Writing music with someone you love is as intimate as anything else two people in love do together, sometimes even moreso. A song together becomes like a child you've had together. It's like it has always been there. That helps make it painful when you see that perhaps you were the only one truly speaking with your heart. What is ironic is almost all of the music the band plays are songs I wrote so they will lose that element but as I have described I guess that doesn't matter to my ex and my 'friend'. I know I need to quit thinking about them. I am trying... I do feel a little better from all of the response I've gotten so far. I sincerely appreciate everyone's concern and comments.