i'm really trying

[Venga]

but everytime a breakdown someone has to help me back up.

 

i'm not comfortable around anyone...just my boyfriend. and people seem to think i'm mean because of that.

someone always has to be there for me. i'm always uncomfortable with my body or my clothes or my looks or how i don't know how to do things... i don't even know how to act around people

 

sometimes i just don't see a reason.

if i can't enjoy life and i'm a burden to everyone i know... its hard to go on.

 

but really i'm trying.

[isidore]

I'm happy that you're trying. Compared to many who've given up it's a wonderful thing that you're still moving forward. Don't be ashamed if you need others to help you to your feet when you've been knocked low. What kind of stone-hearted robot can do it all by herself every time?

 

The issue with people thinking you're mean: I'm still trying to get over that big obstacle (caring what others think). In the end it doesn't matter what little thoughts are flitting around like mosquitoes in their heads. You be you.

[Hope75]

Hi Venga,

 

I know you posted the other day about cutting when you were really stressed out too.

 

Have you ever been to therapy? I wonder if it might help to be able to talk to an objective, non-judgemental professional about what's going on.

[Newo Ikkin]

Angel, the first thing I see when I read this is self-esteem issues. As Hope75 has suggested, a professional may give you a non-biased outlook on the situation. They are trained in everything from confidence to psychotic episodes - so there's bound to be help in there somewhere!

 

As for people thinking you're mean: So long as YOU feel comfortable with SOMETHING, screw the others.

 

Underneath it all, you sound like a determined young lady. As you say, you're trying. Just don't give up. The grass isn't greener.

[mgirl]

Keep trying! That is the secret to life. If you ask, you shall receive and i honestly believe that those who ask are the ones that are saved. Believe me!

[CrystalDawn]

It's okay to feel that way. I feel the same way. Don't be afraid to ask for help and try not to let other people get to you expecially if you don't know them. Be yourself and people will come to love you for who you are shyness and all.

[zanya13]

Venga,

 

I know it's been a while since your post, but I just came accross this site on the web and happened to read this exact thread. I wanted to comment so i joined. Lately, I've been feeling the same way and have also just really been trying to hold on. I've realized that it's not a bad thing to need others for help...that's what makes us all human. And the people who are there for you when you fall are your true friends. For me, that's just my immediate family--i don't have a boyfriend or any true friends. But what keeps me going...keeps me waking up every day is the fact that i still have my family, i still have my life, and i am still me. I may not fully know who "me" is, but that's the journey i agree to take every day i wake up. I've also learned to focus on what's going good in my life. And i know that sounds easy to say and like it's a simple concept. But instead of focusing on why i have to burden myself to get up every morning, i think about the people who physically can't get up in the morning--whether they are too weak, too old, or in tremendous physical pain.

 

I guess what it boils down to for me is that I'm struggling with a lot of things in my life--and you are too--but i get up every morning because i can. and sometimes, that's the only reason. I don't think you're a burden to everyone else around you. If your mind is filled with unhappy clouded thoughts, fill it with whatever happy memories you can...however long ago they may have been--that's what i do sometimes. Never stop being who you are...do and be the kind of person that makes you happy. I once wrote a list of character traits i wanted to possess (happiness, etc) on paper...and now, i try every day to do at least one thing that would hep me get closer to being that kind of person--the best person I can be...no matter what anyone says.

 

I'm really glad you're hanging on. You've given me inspiration at a time i've needed it the most--a time when i was about ready to let go. Thank you for your post and just keep hanging on...things will get better.

 

P.S. I watched an incredible DVD a few weeks ago. It's called "the secret." (There was a special on the Oprah show about it.) It was very inspirational and helped me hang on a little longer. Maybe it can help you, too.

[Diggitydave]

you have the right idea, keep moving forward even when the mud at your feet seems like hardening cement, the sadness can never stop you only slow you down, the depression can never chop off your legs, only slow you down, and the hope of happiness that you seek will strengthen your emotions and put you above the mud and cement. Keep going!

[Miriverwoman]

How would you like to be 94 and feeling the same way? My dad is legally blind & can't hear completely in one ear & little in the other. My mom died in 2001 & dad talks to me about killing himself every time I talk to him, which is often. He calls sometimes over 53 times a day until he can talk to me. I am only child. I wish I was 20 years old again. I now have 4 children. If you don't have any, please go to your local college & talk to someone there about enrolling. There is ways to go to college & help. You need to get more education. It will keep your mind off yourself. You will meet more people & see that your boyfriend was not the one that was forever for you. A psychic woman had to tell me to forget mine forever. That phrase still rings in my ear and hurts, but she was right. Forget him forever & go on. You need to think about your future. Especially if you are healthy you are blessed. Think of all your age that are really dying & have health problems & many other problems. YOU ARE YOUNG & so much is ahead of you. Keep an open mind & have faith. Believe in the power of prayer. I hope this helps. It sure helped me & I am more than twice your age & wish I knew what I knew now when I was your age & everyone my age will tell you that. So, listen to what us elders have to say!!!

[Spugly Fuglet]

"but really i'm trying." Thats any one can ask of you, that each and every day you try soon trying will change to being and being to walk and life is that walking step by step taking small joys on the path.

 

I would say stop trying to live your life all at once, see Lifes just to bug to work at all at once no one can do it, all any of us can do is face that part of life thats in front of us here and now, with a smile and secne of wunder

[Pegasus]

but everytime a breakdown someone has to help me back up.

 

i'm not comfortable around anyone...just my boyfriend. and people seem to think i'm mean because of that.

someone always has to be there for me. i'm always uncomfortable with my body or my clothes or my looks or how i don't know how to do things... i don't even know how to act around people

 

sometimes i just don't see a reason.

if i can't enjoy life and i'm a burden to everyone i know... its hard to go on.

 

but really i'm trying.

 

Hi Venga,

 

I totally understand what you ment by this post. I'm going through it for more than a year now and I even thing I'm stupid for not giving up but I'm still trying even if things are actually not getting better. It must get better sometime, don't you think? It can't be just all bad for us. Let's just keep trying...