when you start talking to a girl.....

[cingularity83]

When you've clearly showed signs that you would like to be more than just friends with a girl you just started talking to, would it be a good idea to just say

 

" hey I would like to be more than just friends with you and see where things go...if you're interested..."

 

or just keep dropping hints. I just want to be upfoint and honest with her so that whatever her reply is I know where I stand...if her reply is positive then I know how to proceed, if her reply is negative then I know not to waste time and energy on her and just move on.....I'm at the stage where playing games is not an option, thats what I have my playstation and x-box for. Is this type of conversation wussy to have on the phone or will it be better if done face to face.

[Batya33]

"Would you like to go see a play on Saturday night?"

typically when you invite someone out one on one on a saturday night, they assume it is a date.

[cingularity83]

yeah but I forgot to mention that she works on saturday nights. We are on spring break right now for a week. When school started in januray I had got an e-mail from her saying that if I decided to stay around in the city during spring break instead of going back to my city, we can hangout and do something...to which I sent back a reply saying

 

" damn, now I wish next week was spring break lol "........

 

now that spring break is here I want to see if she would follow up on her suggestion. I don't want to bring it up and say..hey remember what you siad awhile ago about us going out....

[Batya33]

what you do is simple - you look at your calendar and pick a day. Call her and ask her out for a date - not to "hang out" - that's what you do with your buddies. give her some alternative days/evenings but plan it now. Tell her that you will plan a day or evening of activities but that if she has suggestions that's fine too. Do not do this by e-mail - do it face to face or by phone.

[heloladies21]

When I'm interested in a girl, I assume that she's also interested until I hear otherwise and act accordingly. With my current gf, we hung out a few times, I made out with her one night. We hung out a few more times and things just kept proceeding physically. There was no option for friends, either she was interested in the same or we stopped talking.

 

The way you want to do it makes it seem like you want to negotiate a contrat with her. It takes all of the emotion out of you the situation and girls are turned off by this.

[cingularity83]

so Helloladies...you're basically suggesting that I mention nothing to her and just continue to talk to her like I'm doing right now? also I don't know if she meant this playfully or if she really felt this way...but on friday night while I was visiting her at her job...she said we don't have anything in common....but yet the past 4 times we've talked on the phone...the conversations lasted 2-3 hours...and I hate talking on the phone, and I don't think she's much of a talker either.

True enough, she smokes, and I don't, she's a vegetarian and I'm not, but is that really that big of a deal.

[heloladies21]

It depends on what you've done and what you're doing. How long you've been talking to her. Need more details on the two of you in general. Tell me what you two have been up to.

[cingularity83]

well, we had the same class last semester when she asked me if I wanted a job because they were hiring. Right before thanksgiving I sent her an e-mail asking about the job, but really I used it as an oppurtunity to ask here out also because I thought I was going to be around...

 

she replies and says yes and gives me her phone # to give her a call. I ended up going home by the time I got her reply. So we never we went out, but she suggested that maybe after finals were done we could go out, finals gets done and I never here from her..but I didn't care much, so I went home for christmas break and just forgot about her.

 

A month ago I get an e-mail from her saying sorry she got busy with work during the christmas break and that's why I didn't here from her, and thats when she suggested that we might be able to go out during spring break. So we've been e-mailing each other back and forth with a few calls in between...and I've sort of let her know that I really like her..but nothing said in concrete words, mostly by actions.

[heloladies21]

You need to proceed much more decisive and aggressive with chicks or they'll forget about you and think that you're not interested. Your way of letting her know your interest is way too subtle and this is taking way too long.

 

Next time you talk toher, try and set up a get together and see how things proceed.

[Batya33]

It sounds like she is either not that interested or is waiting for you to step up to the plate and make real plans for a date. When I get emails from friends even that say "yes, maybe we'll go out [in a few weeks/months] from now" it barely makes it to my radar - maybe I'll write back and say "ok, what day are you free?" and unless I get a specific response, they are off my radar. when I was dating, if I got some vague invitation to "hang out sometime" I would reply "sure, that would be nice" and it was up to the man to write back and suggest a specific time and place.

 

When I started dating my boyfriend - we had dated before, years ago. We met for dinner to catch up after not having seen or spoken to each other for a few years - and only once in 8 years. We had dinner. We emailed a little bit over the next week. 10 days after the first dinner he called and said "would you like to go to dinner and theater on Saturday." I was curious since he had said he had a girlfriend. I went. It was platonic. Two weeks later, he called me on a Tuesday for that Saturday for dinner and theater. On that night he asked me if I would consider dating him again. I said yes. He was going out of town so right then and there he said "let's plan to get together two weeks from today."

 

Obviously it doesn't always have to work that way - but there is an example of two people who started out as just friends where the man stepped up to the plate and made it very clear that he wanted to see me on a specific day for a specific activity that he planned in advance. When he was again 'single" he made it very clear that he was interested in dating me by saying simply "would you like to start dating again." I respected his behavior throughout very much.

 

It is really that simple - if you have the courage to go for it.

[cingularity83]

I have no problem asking her out or anything like that...., it's not like I'm scared of her. If I ask her out on a real "date", there's only the possibility of two things happening - she either says yes OR says no and make up an excuse thats work related. Last time I talked to her was Friday....I'll call her up tomorrow and try to set up date for wednesday or thursday and see what her reply is.....

[Batya33]

If you call on Monday it's better to ask for thursday and if she says she has to work ask her when is the next time she is free.

[cingularity83]

I'll let you guys know how it works out when I call her tomorrow..thanks for all the input and advice guys....

[cingularity83]

Damn,

 

I'm battling two different thoughts here....., one voice is telling me to say to hell with her and not even call at her or contact her again, and hopefully by the time it's been a week and she hasn't heard from me she'll get the message....on the other hand I have another voice telling me to give her ONE more chance and call her tomorrow to set up a date......decisions ..decisions... lol. well I have a day to decide, I'll see which voice speaks louder by the time I get up tomorrow.

[heloladies21]

Dude, why would you pass up this opportunity to at least get the experience? You can always change your mind later if you get to know her more and don't like what you see, but at this point you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

[cingularity83]

I am just kinda surprised that she didn't even make an attempt to call the past two days. I know she was working yesterday and today but I also feel like if she really was interested she would've called or something...

[heloladies21]

You can't put this kind of expectation on her yet, you haven't gotten her to the point where she will call you out of the blue like that. This is the way females work, you have to learn how to operate within the system cause you ain't gonna change it no matter how hard you try.

 

You are the guy, it's up to you to get things going and do the work upfront. But things get easier from then on once you learn how to do it right.

[Batya33]

I am just kinda surprised that she didn't even make an attempt to call the past two days. I know she was working yesterday and today but I also feel like if she really was interested she would've called or something...

 

I only call men I am interested in dating if we have a date planned and I need to confirm or change the plan or to return his call. I call just to say hello once we have been out on a date a few times at least.

[Dating Coach]

"Would you like to go see a play on Saturday night?"

typically when you invite someone out one on one on a saturday night, they assume it is a date.

 

This is the answer, except for perhaps choosing a day other than Saturday or Friday since those are days that usually have plans already made with their friends, and you don't want to try to compete with that so soon. Sunday-Thursdays are best in the beginning.

[cingularity83]

I hate using that word "date" to ask a girl out...is their that much a difference between saying

 

I want to ask you out AND I want to ask you out on date

 

On a date people tend to get nervous where as if you're just going out with somebody you tend to be more relaxed and concentrate on having fun instead of trying to impress the other person.

[heloladies21]

I personally rarely formalize the event as a date. If you have a problem getting friendzoned a lot, then this can be a defense, but it's much better to set the romantic tone through the way you act. It's more natural. Plus you avoid the pressure of the expectation that this is a romantic encounter.

[cingularity83]

Dude, why would you pass up this opportunity to at least get the experience? You can always change your mind later if you get to know her more and don't like what you see, but at this point you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

 

 

Hey Heloladies,

I followed your advice and gave her call, sure enough she didn't pick up like I had predicted was gonna happen LOL.....anyway I left her a message on her answering machine saying I wanted to see if she had a day off this week where we can go out, and that she should give me a call back so we can set up day/time.

 

Another thing, I'm feeling like going home since spring break is only until sunday and I hate this city so much ( there's nothing to do here ). The only reason I would stay here was if she wanted to go out.... I'm hoping she calls back tonight or tomorrow before 1:00 pm since thats when the last bus leaves for my city.

 

I'm weighing out the options and going home feels like the much better choice than staying here and ending up wasting money taking her out. At home at least I'll get to hang out with friends, go play basketball, and do fun things.

[cingularity83]

I personally rarely formalize the event as a date. If you have a problem getting friendzoned a lot, then this can be a defense, but it's much better to set the romantic tone through the way you act. It's more natural. Plus you avoid the pressure of the expectation that this is a romantic encounter.

 

 

But thats the thing, she knows I like her in a romantic way and I think she's trying to play with my emotions or something. I like people being straight to the point instead of dancing around situations....I want her to tell me how she feels so I either keep pursuing or leave her alone, why make a complicated thing hard, I don't understand honeys sometimes...

[ghost69]

i've never said "want to take it to another level" or "let's be more than friends". just sounds weird to me. i've always just let it happen.

[Batya33]

It depends on the circumstances. When my boyfriend and I met up again after 8 years of rarely being in contact, we went out three times platonically - the first time he had a girlfriend. On the third such evening he asked what I thought about dating again. If he hadn't asked, it would have been very awkward because he was recently out of a relationship and about to move away. Also, he wanted to know if I was dating others and wanted to make sure that if we started dating it would be with serious intentions.