He is slipping into depression....

[olena]

Hi all,

 

Five weeks ago I left my partner of 6 1/2 years to give him space to figure out life...

He's always said that he wanted to be with me, and even after we started this 'break' he tells me that the only thing he knows if that he does not want to lose me, and that he would like to be with me again.

 

I can't do NC. He does not have any friends because all of them moved back home and it's a bit of a catch 22 for him and he can not leave england and go back home...He is in the process of buying his first flat, but his heart is not in it...He wants new job, something NEW in his life, to change his mood. He is slipping into depression as he sees negative things in every aspect of his life....

I cant' do no contact because I simply realise now that he does love me and that preventing the break up from happening was beyond his control as he could not have done things differently...

I met him on Friday evening and he was well upset...He has no motivation, to keep him going...And I am so deeply upset...

I don't know what to say or what to do to help him. I really love him and it upsets me even more to see him suffering and feeling that nothing is working out for him...There are positive things in his life, but he simply can not see them...

 

Any advice? I made it clear to him that I will support him and be there for him without any pressure or expectations for the relationship.

But I don't know what more to do to help him....

 

Any ideas?

 

Olena

[BeStrongBeHappy]

if you really think he has slipped into clinical depression, then the thing you can do to help him is to get him to a doctor to get treated. Depression colors everything, and nothing in his life will look good to him until the fog of depression lifts.

 

You can also help him by trying to stop him from making big decisions when depressed that will affect the course of his life, since he is not thinking clearly.

 

But at the same time, you don't want to become his 'mommy' who takes care of all his problems since that is not a healthy dynamic. He is an adult, and he needs to take responsbility for getting better, with you helping to get him to understand that. My best suggestion is to get him into professional treatment, while continuing to be his friend and a support system while he is working on his depression with a professional.

[kiama]

Olena,

 

i think you should get back together, and work through it. your being understanding and you still love him...

 

so dont lose him. i am in the same situation as your ex, and i want my ex to come back to me and help me through the depression... so maybe he thinks the same, all i ever wanted was for him to talk... i sent you a private message too...

 

life is just so unfair, but if two people love eachothere they should stay together and work at any problems,

 

i just dont think my ex loves me and im finding it so hard to accept.

 

good luck girl.

[Hope75]

Olena,

 

You say you left your ex to let him 'figure out his life'- but I'm wondering if there is more to it than that?

 

It seems an odd reason to leave someone.

 

If you do not want to be with him, don't take him back simply because he's suffering from depression. You'd be doing him and yourself a disservice if you take him back out of pity and not out of love and a desire to be in a relationship with him.

[olena]

Hope,

 

I left him on his request, because he is at a stage in his life that he has not friends and no interest on a day to day basis...and he asked me for time to figure out life...so, the whole getting back together in the future has nothing to do with pitty-just love...

 

I spoke to him today to check on him....

 

I will keep an eye on him to make sure that he does not make any radical decision with his current state of mind...and I sent him a link where he can meet people from his country....hopefully he will use it sensibly...

 

It's always a very sensitive situation to tell someone that they need to see someone as they are depressed...

 

But in my heart I want to believe that he will get out of it...things are not really that bad, but sometimes our mind make them a lot worse...

And we just need to see something different to snap out of it...

 

It's a very delicate situation, because I must keep the balances....

 

I do love him, and I know he loves me...

 

Olena

[Hope75]

Olena,

 

So what exactly does he expect of you?

 

He is the one that pushed you away, and yet... he expects you to stick around and support him while he's feeling depressed?

 

It seems that he's taking advantage of your feelings here.

[kiama]

urm... i think i hav to agree with above, i was under the impression you had left him, to let him figure things out.......im wrong apparently....

 

if he dont want you then you have to leave him.... and hope that he finds it in himself that he can ask for you to be there for him.... otherwese, hes said he dont want you....

 

you may think that he loves you, and fair enough think what you must, only you know what the situation is like.... just know this.... if hes not certain about you.... then that means hes definitely not certain about you.... are you just justifying his depression...... are you manipulating the fact that hes depressed, and is so needy right now, that you INSIST that youre there for him, even though he may not want that.....

 

are you using his depression, as a reason, to justify that you want HIM back????? are you taking advantage of this dudes instability? dont mean to be harsh however.... im not like that, im just thinking.... of u. and how u and him are...