Can't stop dwelling on the mistake I made & that he's gone..

[Scorpio8647]

How pathetic am I really? I mean it has been since November of 2006 since my ex broke up with me and cut off contact. Yet here I am still grieving. I can't forgive myself for losing trust in him & I went to extremes like snooping through his e-mail and etc. He found out and was furious and he broke up with me saying that he wanted nothing to do with me anymore.I lost his trust and he hates me for it. Being the stupid person I am, I had contacted him not too long ago apologizing and he basically gave me the cold shoulder. He yelled at me telling me that we have nothing to discuss and that he was officially through with me. He basically told me to move on with my life and I told him that I missed him deeply and all he could say was that he was sorry that he met me, that he could give a crap about how I feel, then he proceeded to hang up in my face. That made me feel even worse . That hit me so bad and it still does today, his words hurt me so much.

 

I can't seem to move on, I'm constantly thinking about him and I miss him so much. He was the only person there for me. He made me laugh and he made me happy.Some days I actually feel like I'm moving on and then I relapse back into depression. This cycle is really killing me. I keep thinking back to the past, I miss the good times. I also keep thinking about what if? What if I didn't do what I did, we'd probably still be together now. But because of my insecurities I lost him and I just can't seem to accept that I made a mistake and I need to move on. It's seriously not healthy for me and I know this. I also realize that I was ENTIRELY too dependent on my ex for happiness because now that he's gone, I have to make myself happy. I have to move on but everything seems so lonely now. It's nothing without him, don't get me wrong I have friends but they weren't like my boyfriend.He was very special to me and I could relate to him alot, he was my bestfriend.I miss the phone calls, the late night talks, I miss hanging out with him. It's been since November I should have been over this by now!

[caro33]

Grieving takes longer than you hope, but you do get past it. November was not that long ago, it's okay to still hurt and still miss him.

 

Maybe rather than beating yourself up you could spend more time looking at what went wrong and why you needed to check up on him. Maybe you can take some time now to address what it is within yourself that caused you to be afraid and to snoop. If you can get a handle on that maybe you will be in a better position for the next relationship.

 

Now maybe you were also right to snoop, do you think that at all? Did you just check some stuff because there was real doubt or did you go overboard? Some people react defensively because they know they'll be caught out. Not sure if I should have said that, sorry if it doesn't help.

 

Don't punish yourself, there's no point. You'll be okay Scorpio .

[mintblossom]

Aww....I know that I have been in that thinking pattern before where you go......he was so nice to me! what happened? why did i cause him to change? Except....I don't think we really cause any to change their behavior towards us. If anything, it was always there and we may have let it come to the surface but it was ALWAYS there.

 

I don't think you're pathetic.....I think it's sweet and natural for you to mourn and be sad.....breakups are really really hard!! While you were not supposed to poke around his email.....the way he reacted to you calling him is really horrible!! I mean, that is a really terrible way to react to another person. If he had any class or decency, he would be kind, accept your feelings but also be firm, clear, and gracious. There was no need to be such a jerk about it.

 

He sounds like he's defensive about something. But either way....that was really awful the way he reacted on the phone. Sometimes, we see who a person really is in how they react to an apology under a crisis. I have found that the best people are gracious and clear but firm while those that aren't can be total jerks. And you don't need that.....we all make mistakes. Whether he forgave you or not....he did not have to hang up on you and hurt your feelings. Don't completely blame yourself....look at him! EW!

[Spugly Fuglet]

Yeo like the other replys some thing dos not sound right here.

 

let me get this right, you had a bad vibe about you x, snooped his email, found nothing, he found out and lost the plot, dumbed you there and then and now treats you like dart, hummm that's over reacting with a capital O, it just dos not sound right, sounds more like some one with some thing to hide, who is sundanly given an out road from a relashonship, he could have been wonting to go for some time and pow into his lap come resean 101 and better still you feel giulty, he's off the huck and out, free of giult for the brake up as your willing to take it all,

 

its

"hay dude how ya gf,?"

"its over she snooped my email, yea had to dumb her for that"

"O man I'm sorry...."

he gets all the good vibes you get all the blame, that it not what good guys do,

 

good guys do this.

"Hay dube how's the relashonship?"

"Did not work out, we just did not see eye to eye on some things, I'm ok and I think xf doing well, it was hard you know but that's just the way things go, I hope shes ok and finds a good guy.

"o dube sorry to hear that, butbit happons"

 

him slaming the phone down on you just dos not feel right, it feels like some one running from or to a place not a person .

 

I would say if he has a new gf fast then he was looking to move, what sad is he's not mature enuf yet to do this the right way.

 

to be honest your better off with out some one who acts like this, dumb his sorry butt into NC.

 

hope any of my words help

spugly

[finalcloud13]

I'm feeling your pain. My ex gf dumped me also in November of 2006 because I neglected her by not calling her enough. Stupid little phase I went through hanging out with friends too much, phase ended as soon as it was too late, now I'm alone and blaming myself everyday and trying to find the smallest glimmer of hope for getting her back. I love her so much that I don't want to heal; all I want is to be back with her - forever. What is hope? Does having hope in the smallest way affect anything at all?

[numbhead]

LOL I too am part of the Nov 2006 club!

 

i cant get the hope out of my head.. i think its abad thing,, it subconsciously stops you from getting on with my life... i know she has,,, and all she has to do is tell me otherwise but she hasnt and i dont think she ever will....

 

when someone walks away like tht its hard b/c they think they can do better than "you",, they think youre not good enough for them... that hurts..

THIS IS THE MAIN REASON WHY WE ARE HURTING!

 

i dont know about you guys but im beginning to forget about how she looks how she was etc.... but the pain is still there and insane jealousy... but just like SUPERDAVE said in one of his posts,,,"you need to stop thinking about any hope of getting them back to get them back" lol catch 22!

 

i dont want to do this but what other alternatives do we have,,, this is the only way!

[finalcloud13]

I understand everyone's advice, but how do I move on if I know I'll be doing it to try to get her back? Because I already know I'll never love anybody else; not after my ex.

[numbhead]

mate, i dont have the answers but we have got to drum it into ours heads that this is the case,, maybe it could be a gd thing initially to think that she could come back,,,, concentrate on improving your own life,,, sorting your head out and rebiulding yourself,,, tht is what im doing...

 

i think if you do this.. (initially with the intention of getting them bk)

 

you can slowly - without realising, move on

[numbhead]

your doing the same as me... u dont want to move on so you cant!!

 

the worst thing for me to move on is the fact that she said to me bluntly the other month.."i have moved on with my life now im sure you will too!"

 

it makes me angry and wanting to do the opposite to what she says!!

[finalcloud13]

Yeah, and since my ex has a boyfriend right now, it kills me everyday wondering what she's up to with him, what they talk about, and how happy she is while I'm so sad. It would actually be easier to move on for me if she wasn't happier than me. Not saying that it should be that way, but just saying.

My ex told me before, "I really don't have any feelings left for you except guilt." (for dumping me) But somehow, knowing that she doesn't have any feelings doesn't help at all in moving on... ='(

[numbhead]

ye it stinks knowing tht they are happy,, god knows what they talk about... i dont even like to think about it,, tht is the worst bit,,, rite now i want her to realise and feel pain but i know she isnt and wont!!

 

i hope in time she is happy but right now i wish her all the worst luck in the world!

 

I WANT HER TO BE MISERABLE!

[finalcloud13]

I feel evil for saying it, but I agree with you. I don't want my ex to be happy... not without me... =( I want both of us to be happy only when we are together... though that is wishful thinking probably 3

[Scorpio8647]

I snooped because he gave me a reason to believe he was cheating. He stopped answering my phone calls when I would call him & he would always call when it was convenient for him. What's ironic was that he gave me his myspace password to check his mail one day & I figured his password would be the same as his yahoo account so I used it. Sure enough it worked and I began snooping through his things. What threw me off was he received an e-mail from someone named Ladybancock84. The message went like, you left something here and I would like for you to come and retrieve it, Thank you!The username sounds like the name of some wh*re. I confronted him about it and that's when he got on me for going through his e-mail.

 

When I think about it, I think about more of the good times than the bad times. Often he treated me like crap but I always seem to overlook that and dwell on the times he treated me good. Why I miss this guy I have no idea to begin with because obviously he moved on with his life and just treated me like a piece of trash. Now I want to move on but I'm so lonely and depressed without him..