Why do I feel it again?

[redpoppy99]

Hello again-

 

I know I may not have made the best first impression seeing how my first post was about my infidelity but I am starting to think I have a serious problem...

 

Once again there is "someone else" that I have been thinking about. This person is such a sweet person. They have already made an impression on me and I have only known them for a small amount of time. I like they way they look at me, the attention I get from them, the smiles I get from them. I've found myself wondering what it would feel like to be in their arms, to have just one kiss- I find myself not wanting a relationship from them, though. After thinking about all of this, I still don't want to lose my SO- the relationship I have with my SO is the only one I want. Why do I have these urges? Why do I think about other people this way? I did get to hang out with this "other" person at a small party the other night and all we did was talk. I kept myself from giving in to my urges... but I am still confused as to why I even have them. Any advice would be helpful. Please.

[Locke2121]

Everyone dreams! There is NOTHING wrong with that. You will always wonder if the grass is greener on the other side. But you've stated that the relationship your in is the one you want...good. Dream on, but make sure they stay dreams.

 

And for goodness sake, don't feel so guilty about a little harmless fantasy!

[agent1607307371]

You have a crush. You're a mammal, it's normal.

 

What's important is that you don't let fantasy become more important than reality - and your SO.

 

That said, what kind of attention does your SO give you?

[redpoppy99]

My SO is great to me- maybe not giving me all the attention I want but in some ways that's not bad. I yearn to be completely adored and showered with attention but when I get it, it's kind of smothering. We have a very good balance.

 

And as for feeling so guilty, I think it's because I once acted on a crush. I know it's probably not a realistic thing to think but I sometimes feel like if I am with the one I truly love, I wouldn't fantasize about another. You are right though, it's totally normal. I have no intention of acting on these urges- I made the mistake once and it won't happen ever again.

 

Thank you for the reassurance I really needed it!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

I think it is normal to feel attractions, but if your relationship is important to you, i would suggest that if you feel that way about any one person, it is better to minimize contact, even if it is innocent, because the fantasy can get out of hand and lead to a devastating affair that causes a breakup.

 

willpower is stronger some times than others, and when drinking etc. is involved, it is best to err on the side of caution and not indulge long conversations etc. with someone who brings out the 'animal' (i.e., instinctual attraction) in you.