what's happening?

[daisy1104]

hi folks. i've got some worries about my ex-bf and his new gf and was hoping f/ some advice/insight...

 

THE BREAK-UP:

my ex-bf, todd, and i were together 20 months when i broke up with him because i felt that he was distant and not all there for me... the distance had been going on for some 5 months about. he agreed that we should probably break up although he still loved me and doubted he could ever stop (Same with me) yet he thought we had issues ~ namely i wanted to get married and he wanted to have "FUN" (we're both 22) and I'm a christian (meaning we stopped having sex 1/2 way into our relationship b/c of my moral conscience and i don't think he ever got over that)... so we broke up and i did the stupid ex-gf moves of asking f/ a second chance, etc. during the first month. he told me that "for now" he was happier w/o me. OUCH.

 

THE NEW GIRL:

fast forward to 1 month after we broke up. i found out on myspace and through a mutual friend/his ex-gf before me, amanda, that he was seeing another girl - a classmate from uni. OUCH AGAIN. she according to amanda and his co-workers was plain in the looks category, a skank, and manipulated his time 100%.

 

i tried to be happy for him because if she made him happy than although i wouldn't be GLEEFUL i'd at least be happy knowing he was... however then some weird stuff started happening on myspace. for instance i got emails on there from his account saying things like "you're a f**king b*tch". he denied them when amanda (in person) and i (via email) confronted him. acc. to amanda he got rather mad but NEVER apologized. and always made sure to make it crystal clear in his e-mail to me that it was not an apology.

 

I started strict NC b/c of the crazed new gf and the changes i saw in him that scared/worried me. i kept tabs on him (lightly) through amanda.

 

Fast forward to this week... almost 4 months since the b/u and 2 months since todd started dating officially his new gf... Amanda has been receiving harassing e-mails on myspace from the ex's account with his new gf's initials (aka - from her). She's calling amanda a {Mod Edit} and accusing her of trying to get todd back (whcih is the last thing on amanda's mind), etc.

 

Amanda confronted todd about this the other night (monday) and he got heated denying it was his gf who did it and saying he'd delete his myspace. well it's been 2 days now and he hasn't... Amanda is devastated that he's letting this girl get between their long-standing friendship. I'm devastated that she's changing him not for the best {or so it would appear}.

 

Can anyone explain this? it just doesn't make any sense to us girls... we both dated him (me: 20 months, amanda: 2 months) and have never seen him like this before. please tell me this is is going to end soon... i'm worried about him. we both are.

[lady00]

Why are you worried about him? He's your ex and if he wants to change who he is, it's up to him. Try to go back to NC. If you don't like the person he's becoming then there is no room for even a friendship. Are you trying to get back with him? (since you're posting in the getting back together forum).

 

He chose his path. Even if she is bad for him (which she may or may not be, it's almost impossible for you to know that and it may be that they have a good relationship or that for some reason he likes her even if his reasons are totally irrational) it's really up to him. There's really nothing that can explain the change in him other than maybe he's on the rebound from your relationship or maybe he just genuinly likes her. But monitoring him in any way is not healthy for you as it will only lead you to feel more pain over how you're perceiving the changes in him and over his relationship.

 

You two had a lot of incompatibilities in the relationship (sex and level of commitment were points of disagreement for you) so it would be hard to go back even if there was a chance or if he were single.

[Wandering_Sword]

I agree with lady00. Since you guys are no longer together (and yes I do recognize your good intentions) there is no point in wondering or trying to figure out your ex. He's a grown man that can make his own choices. For good or bad, he will have to learn from them, even it is a hard lesson.

Step back take a breather and go about your own business. Besides you might learn something new about yourself with time away from him.