can love just dissapear??

[amarene]

i dated this guy for nearly a year, and i know that's not long. but its my fault it ended so soon, i was a huge jerk to him half the time and never even realized it until near the end when amends couldnt be made. when we met everything clicked and we were perfect, and soon fell in love. looking back at everything i know he loved me so much. the problem was that we were both so immature and not ready for such a serious relationship. i broke up with him over somehing stupid, then many months later he broke up with me, then shortly we got back together, broke up again for good a couple months later though. i and the people who knew him immediately noticed drastic changes in his character, he became, arrogant, did stupid things, immature, and was soon dating other people. he once told me he was over me when he really wasnt (as i later discovered). he'd get angry at me over the stupidest things too, a while later he told my friend that he was over me and said it was ok if she told me. And i knkow i should just let it go, but i have a strong feeling that hes either fooling himself or me. Ive had this feeling before and am not often wrong, just intuition. we never talk, even though i see him every day. i have grown so much as a person though, and he doesnt know, but im sure that if he did know who i really am he would want to come back. and another thing, my friend who regularly talks to him has the tendency to lie and twist words to get what she wants. great friend, i knkow. can such a strong love just disappear like that?? maybe he just shut away the part of him that loves me. because even after all this time, hes still arrogant and immature, where he used to be sweet and dependable when we were together.

[Mavis VDSande]

I would look again at your history together and see whether he harbours some resentment towards you, for the way you treated him in the past, or for breaking things off with him.

 

With regards to your mutual friends -> you know what, just don't listen to them. Friends can be supportive and great sometimes, but then they are be like busy bees working against you.

 

You need to cut them out of the emotional picture and figure out what it is HE wants and what YOU really want. Even if you guys aren't talking right now.

 

If he is resentful towards you, then you really need to have a long talk about how you can remove that feeling from his side and work on your rels. But it's something you both must discuss face-to-face.

 

If he is not willing, then the answer is that love hasn't just disappeared, but it disappeared long ago and the best thing for you both is to move on. I know it's painful to hear, but you deserve to be around someone who doesn't snipe at you, and you loves you loads.

[Me and myself]

So, basically what you are telling us is that you feel regret for breaking up with him? Are you also telling us that you are thinking is feeling resentfull towards you because of the way how you've treated him? And are you telling us that "If he could see how mature I became, he would understand that today I wouldn't break up for the same reason I did before."

But you are not telling us what you want....do you know? Are you feeling upset because he's resentfull towards you because of the way how you treated him? Are you feeling guilty? Or are you still feeling in love with him? Do you want to ease your guilt or do you really want to go back to that relationship?

That's something you must know before you do anything...otherwise you might increase his resentment, if that's what he's feeling.

 

About friends...Friends...just like Mavis said, they can be a great help or work against you....

Let me tell you what happened between me and my friend, because of my ex...

He was my best friend...while I was with my ex I used to talk a lot with him when things went wrong...I felt strange but he almost never gave me any advise or oppinion. "At least I have someone to talk about it!", I was thinking.

When she broke up with me, and it started to become clear that she will never comes back, he started to tell me he will invite her to go out for a coffee, send her an e-mail to ask her out and stuff like that.

Today I feel betrayed by him 'cause I feel he never gave me any advise 'cause he was knowing her by what I was telling him about her. And now he might be using that "precious" information to meet her and do whatever he thinks she might like. So, don't tell anything to that friend you are talking about...regarding that person, your feelings are yours, and yours only. Don't trust in that person regarding this issue.

[amarene]

i know that the main reason why he broke up with me was because of the past, and even then i was still doing things wrong. and i cant blame him either because i would do the same thing. i would break up with him, but i wouldnt destroy myself just to get over him. i tried to talk to him before, but he just wont listen to me. he lies to himself about me, the way i am. i wish i could talk to him, but its been so long. too long for something like that.

[devast]

If it was really "love" for the whole sense of it.... Then it doesn't just disappear... I would say it will take years to kill such kind of love...

 

At any rate, the kind of love you are referring to must have taken awhile before it disappeared... or maybe not.. you are not sure about what your ex is feeling right now...

 

In most cases, it will take some time and they sure have reasons why... sometimes they are just kind enough not to tell you their real reasons for leaving you...

 

But surely it took them sometime to leave their "love for you" (if that's what you call it) behind.. It must be while you were still in a relationship with your ex... There must be something that, or worst there must be someone who gave them the strength to stop loving you... if they did love you afterall..

 

But it would help YOURSELF.. if you try to stop thinking about his reasons for leaving you... and myabe start thinking for reasons why you will not wait for him to come... HE will come back if he did really loved you...

[amarene]

yes, i do feel guilty. i felt guilty every day for the longest time, because i put him through hell for no reason. then he did the same to me, only he had a reason. but i miss him too, and when i see his face he's not the same, hes someone else.