He says he loves me...actions speak louder then words..right?

[ghost69]

you can't even say for sure if you can set your feelings aside. are you reading what you are typing at all? what if you meet another guy? you gonna bring him around this guy? you don't think he would flip out?

[luvmykids]

yes i do know what ive typed....

I would like to TRY and be friends...

and my ex told me if i end up finding someone and he doesnt like then he had only himself to blame for not being there for me..

besides, i would like to think that if he or i started seeing anyone else that we would have the respect to tell the other one so they had a heads up that i/him might run into each other with the new person.

neither one of us are jumping into another relationship right away anyway,

we both still care for each other and moving on to someone esle is not in the near future...we both need to heal and are grown enough to realize that rebound relationships dont work.

i dont know..maybe this is not the right way to go aobut it but that what we are doing.

[ghost69]

well, i wish you the best in this.

[ImThatGirl]

Luv - I don't think there is any "right" way to do it.

 

Let's entertain the idea of you holing up in the house so that you never run into him at the same place with your mutual friends.

What would that do for you? Kind of take your support group away or at least distance them. It'd take your structure / normalcy away. And then what would happen? You'd feel lonely and maybe have a more difficult time with moving on.

 

I must say though, it is very, very difficult to move on when you often see the person. And if I truly wanted to move on, I'd avoid that at all costs. I think.

 

Hugs to ya, Sista! There is no rule book. And you will do what is right for you. Right?

[luvmykids]

well, i wish you the best in this.

 

I know you disagree with my choices ghost.

maybe they are the wrong ones...i just know it would hurt him if i was a b***h to him. i wouldnt like it if he didnt talk to me if we were out at hte same place. i saw him sunday and we didnt talk at all..that made me feel worse and things were tense.

after talking to him yesterday and then running in to him, things were fun and upbeat. we both needed to get things off our chest, it was nice to be able to sit with friends and laugh and not have tension.

maybe im more over him then i think i am?

[luvmykids]

all this has happened in the last day or two.

its pretty fresh..dont know whats going to happen with my feelings or his, all i know was i was able to relax finally and sleep good for once.

its not my nature to hurt anyone.....my god, my ex husband cheated on me and i still try and be friends with him, i forgive people. to not forgivve and hang on the anger and hurt only kills you slowly..its no way to live!

accepting the fact (with current ex) he is not able or dosent want to put the effert needed to maintain a relationship is what im dealing with and that is his choice......there is nothing i can do about it and false hopes are as bad as hanging on to anger and hurt.

[luvmykids]

Luv - I don't think there is any "right" way to do it.

 

Let's entertain the idea of you holing up in the house so that you never run into him at the same place with your mutual friends.

What would that do for you? Kind of take your support group away or at least distance them. It'd take your structure / normalcy away. And then what would happen? You'd feel lonely and maybe have a more difficult time with moving on.

 

I must say though, it is very, very difficult to move on when you often see the person. And if I truly wanted to move on, I'd avoid that at all costs. I think.

 

Hugs to ya, Sista! There is no rule book. And you will do what is right for you. Right?

i agree... i shouldnt have to change my life.

if in fact i truly cant handle seeing him then i will avoid it. but so far so good.

i really dont think im going to be running into him all that much.

[annalise23]

I am having major missing him issues today.

I am feeling so there are problems at home with my parents and its all starting to get too much. I am missing him because I want comfort. And I know its for all the wrong reasons. But I feel so alone at the moment. This is so hard. I am trying to stay strong aadn will.

 

You can be friends with your ex, just be careful you dont have feelings for him and that it could end up hurting you. I would like to be friends with mine, but I know for now I cant because I would want to get back with him.

[ImThatGirl]

Annalise - I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult day and about your parents! Are any of your friends available for comforting you today?

 

Hugs~

[luvmykids]

anna,

i saw your other post about you family problems....im sorry you have this to deal with on top of everything else..

all of this is going to make you stronger in the end.

I do think you need to tell your dad that you are in a position that is unfair and hurtful to you and see if he steps up to the plate.

i dont think that you should be in the middle...its not healthy for you and your dad is being selfish to keep you in the middle. i know you love him but he needs to take care of this.

[annalise23]

Unfortunately not. Just having a very bad day.

[annalise23]

Thanks Luv

To be honest Im so confused and upset. I was doing so well, I was moving on and now I feel I have took massive steps back.

I have to keep going but its hard. I know how I feel about my ex is because I am upset and just need someone to comfort me, not as a friend but as my boyfriend. But thats wrong.

I guess it will make me stronger. Just at the moment everything seems to be going wrong! I am from the UK but in the US at the moment, just looking at flights home because I feel I need some time with my friends. All I seem to do here is wallow at the moment! A fresh scene and old friends will probably help alot!

[luvmykids]

maybe thats the best thing to do.

it will give you space from your ex and your dad.

[luvmykids]

anna,

of course you are going to feel as though you took steps back..nobody can take blows like you are and not stumble backwards, stay strong and have faith!

[ghost69]

you think we can all make it to 50 pages? by tomorrow? lol

 

yeah luv, you are right, i don't approve of this. you need time away from him to heal up at least before hanging out.

[luvmykids]

ghost,

i think i have healed..(somewhat) yes i miss him, but we have been back and forth so many times in the last couple months, that i think ive finally let go of any hope that we can be together. i wont be the only one trying, he only tried when it was what he wanted. i told him this. i never really had the chance to tell him everything i was having issues with because i was afraid of losing him and i have had that chance with the converstion yesterday.

he is a great guy..he just has commitment issues and ive done/ given enough.

i know this wont be easy.........but my self respect is coming back and that is powerful in healing completely.

i have adopted the "whatever" attitude.

there are plenty of men interested in dating me..im just not ready.

i didnt date anyone serious for 2 yrs after leaving my ex husband. i was too bitter and i didnt want to ruin any chance of finding someone.

i took a risk with this man and it didnt turn out. i have to accept that and move on eventually, i just dont think it would be fair to start seeing anyone else..it wouldnt be fair to them, as i have feelings to sort through about my ex.

[ghost69]

that sounds good.

[annalise23]

How is it going ladies?

I am doing better, I actually manage to wake up wihtout feeling sick!

 

Its his bday today. Debating if i should wish him happy bday. Not spoke since sunday.

[ghost69]

don't say anything to him. you aren't linked to him. b-days should be out of the picture too.

[annalise23]

Yeah I have come to the conclusion not to get in touch. All that will happen is he will reply, and it will start getting confusing again. Im doing ok and getting on with things now, I was just unsure if i should say happy birthday.

 

But Im silently thinking it!

 

Having NC has done wonders for me, and i dont want to break that!

[ghost69]

he will probably end up inviting you out and expecting you to stay over with him or something. not good for your emotions.

[annalise23]

Very true. At the moment I am happy and know I am still doing the right thing. That wont change, I just don't want him texting me again trying to work things out. And I think by me saying happy birthday it gives him that window to start talking to me about it.

 

Thanks Ghost

[ghost69]

no problem. i think there are some ways to block numbers from calling or texting you.

[luvmykids]

HI guys,

 

glad to see your doing better anna.

i agree with ghost...dont call him just because its his b-day.

it might cause trouble that you are not ready for emotionally.

 

ghost, how are you?

[annalise23]

Hey Luv

 

Hows things with you? Any more contact ?