Unusual Marriage Conflict

[joyceinok]

This may be a new one for most of you.

 

I'm a 67yo woman, my husband is 69, very active and still working. We have friends of all age groups. Recently at a social event, we were seated near a 30-something couple we have become rather good friends with. The wife teaches journalism part-time at a nearby institution of higher learning. She was telling a group of us about their (she and her husband's) plans to do a photo essay on the subject "The Mature American Man", which will be distributed by internet and other means. They plan to do a photo shoot in the lake country region of our state in a vintage black & white theme.

 

The problem arose when she invited my husband to join several men she was planning to feature in the layout. Sounds OK, but she then asked him if he would be comfortable appearing standing in the doorway of an old cabin on the property in "au naturel" state. We first thought she was joking, but realized she was serious. This made me uncomfortable since there were several couples present joining in on the conversation. Also, he appeared to actually be interested in doing this, asking several questions of the woman and her husband. In ending the conversation, he stated something like "It sounds like you want to include an old guy with farmer's tan, pot belly, appendectomy scar and everything else". He is supposed to give them his final answer later. I asked a couple of the older ladies how they would react if in my shoes, and both stated they wouldn't mind it in an "artistic scenario" such as this. On the way home, he and I both concluded that, from the conversation this particular photo might very well possibly show all of him. I judged that didn't bother him, from what I could tell. He said he doesn't think there's anything wrong with it, and that there's nothing sexual or obscene about a 69yo man appearing naked. He went on to point out similar appearances by older men in "Schlindler's List" and other places.

 

My problem with this is that I don't want any other women, particularly ones I socialize with to see my husband without any clothes on. I may be in the minority on this, but that's just the way I am.

 

I can't imagine meeting them later after they (and countless others) have seen him in his birthday suit.

 

Am I overreacting? Do any other women feel this way? This could potentially cause some conflict, although I haven't said much at this point. I did mention at one point that I'd prefer to be the only woman who sees him naked.

 

I would like the opinions of some other women and men alike on this. How would you women react? Would you men do it (why or why not?)and how would your mate react?

 

Do I need to try to just lighten up and go along???????

[Locke2121]

Your not really overreacting. Many people are a bit possesive with their SO's bodies. If it really bothers you, ask him not to do it. But if this is a truly artistic shoot, there are ways to cover the more...ahem...delicate areas. I'm sure alot of people have seen your hubby shirtless and in shorts before? A covered crotch would be about the same.

 

You should know, that professional artists are very understanding about situations like this and will work with you and your husband to find the shot that pleases everyone.

[Hayles]

I think you should be open with him about how this makes you feel, it is not at all selfish to let him know it makes you uncomfortable - after all, how would he feel if you were shedding your attire to do a nude photo shoot? I think it's something that should be discussed and agreed upon as a couple.

Perhaps if it is tastefully done, and certain parts are kept fromplain view by the door frame etc. and you were there to assist with this side of things (removing his towel once he is into position and hidden from anyone else - you might find it a little easier.

But rest assured - you are not alone in this - there's no way I'd be happy about my man doing it!

[joyceinok]

We're not totally sure that everything would be shown, but we surmised that it could be. It disturbs me that he seemingly wouldn't mind, considering how many women will see it. This brings a question to mind, if it were done with certain parts covered or maybe a bare bottom angle, would this make you ladies comfortable with it? Has this ever come up for any of you? If so, how did you handle it? I'm really at a loss for what to do.

 

Overall, is this type thing appropriate? I was amazed at how casually everyone at this event seemed to view the whole idea.

[agent1607307371]

If it makes you feel uncomfortable, then speak to him. I'm sure he'd hate to make you feel upset over something like this. Sexuality can be a touchy subject, and it's not something you can just "lighten up" over. Either it's in your comfort zone or it's out of it.

 

If he really wants to do it though, see if there is a compromise that could be reached - such as only partial nudity and clever shadows It possible that he wants to do this to feel sexy, and I don't think he needs to be doing a full frontal for that. Sexy and tasteful can be done very easily, especially if the artists are good.

 

As for appropriate, only you and your husband can decide what that is, really.

 

Talk some more to this couple and have them tell you exaclty what they have planned for the content. I know I tend to work things up in my head only to have them end up nowhere as extreme as I feared.

 

And I'd definitely be uncomfortable about friends and acquaintances seeing my hubby in the buff. A nice artistic shot just giving them a sneak peak of what I have all to myself... may be a different story.

[Hayles]

This type of thing is becoming more and more acceptable - really! All sorts of businesses do quirky nude calendars etc. all the time. I would be annoyed if my partner decided to do something like this - as he would if I chose to, however, it's something we would discuss openly.

But perhaps at your husband's age he just wants to get out and try something different... talk with him, work out what angle he's coming from, maybe that will help you understand better?

[Dako]

If this woman is a professional, take a look at her past work.

A picture's worth a thousand words.

 

Your husband may find this really flattering, and it may mean something to him in a nonsexual way.

[Locke2121]

Joyceinok, there's nothing bad about showing off the human body. Its simply one more degree of comfort that people have. Does Renor's Bathers seem bad? Of course not, its art. The main problem here is that the art is so much more real.

[annie24]

hm. ok, i know this will sound strange, but who wants to see a 70 year old man naked? (besides his wife, of course ) I mean, I don't know, i certainly wouldn't be in line to buy such a book or calendar, but that is just me. and probably most other 20 something women.

 

I don't know, I think (and of course, don't know!) but when you hit that age, you just don't care anymore. meaning, you aren't as self-conscious as you were when you were in your teens, 20s, and 30s, feeling self-conscious at the beach or pool. you just kind of get over it and accept your body for what it is. and i think that is a wonderful way to be. our bodies are works of art, wrinkles, fat, lumps, hair, and all.

 

And yeah, I bet he is more than flattered that this photographer is interested in taking his photo. I don't know, what does your husband want? I'm sure if he requested, the photographer can cover up certain body parts.

 

I don't blame you for feeling a bit uncomfortable, but at the same time, what a compliment that your husband is still handsome enough to consider taking naked photos of!