Marriage/mate questionnairre

[MiaLeah]

I'm currently doing some research on marriage and mate selection. If anyone is willing to answer my questions, it would be greatly appreciated.

 

1)How long have you been married?

2)What important things did you know about your mate before marriage?

3)What would you have liked to know about your mate before marriage, even though it probably would not have made any difference?

4)What qualities does your mate have that are important to you?

5)Did anyone make suggestions on how to fund the best mate before you were married?

6)What were those suggestions?

6)What were you looking for in a mate? Did you have any clear idea what you wanted in a mate that you would spend the rest of your life with?

7)What advice would you give your children and grandchildren about finding the right mate?

8 )What are the most important qualities the right mate has to have?

9)f you were 17 again, what would you look for in a lifetime partner?

10)Is there anything about your partner that you did not know before marriage that would have prevented you from marrying him or her had you known before?

 

Thanks

[Dako]

I'm not married anymore, but what the hey.

 

1) 25 years

2) She was smart, kind and talented.

3) Nothing.

4) She's decent even after the divorce.

5) Sure, but I declined their assistance, and my marriage outlasted theirs.

6) Sleep around.

6) I wasn't looking for a mate, and it just happened.

7) I'd recommend finding someone who shares your viewpoints, in my case, not wanting children or grandchildren.

8] the maturity and intelligence to deal with life as it comes without anger and drama.

9) At 17, It's quite rare to know what life offers, so it's best to wait another 10 years.

10) Nothing at all, but I doubt I'll marry again.

[fnlyfrei]

I was married for 19 years. I married at 19. Bad thing to do for ANYONE. I really believe a person should be in their mid to late 20's if possible. I do not believe you are a fully formed person at 19...much less ready for such a life long commitment. I have a 20 year old son,...and I can't even picture him being ready for quite some time. I am engaged again now...and I am pretty sure that this time I chose someone a bazillion times more compatible. Nothing is ever perfect, it is hard work to be married or to be in a long term relationship. No fairy tales exist. And you have to be happy with who you are as a person individually before you can be happy with someone else.

[caro33]

1)How long have you been married?

 

Four months.

 

2)What important things did you know about your mate before marriage?

 

His outlook on life generally.

His integrity, his values. He values fidelity, he values prioritising family and love and his values match mine (generally - we have an issue with plasma TVs ).

He manages money and makes adult decisions.

He has a good work ethic.

He wants children.

We share a sense of humour.

He loves me very much and is committed to me.

 

3)What would you have liked to know about your mate before marriage, even though it probably would not have made any difference?

 

If he'd been to prostitutes, if he'd taken loads of drugs, if he had major depressions, if he'd hurt people. Actually that stuff would have made a difference. I'd certainly want to understand why.

 

4)What qualities does your mate have that are important to you?

 

See 2 above.

 

5)Did anyone make suggestions on how to fund the best mate before you were married?

 

I assume you mean "find" not "fund" but it may still be relevant for some people.

 

Not really. Or rather, the suggestions never seemed to help.

 

6)What were those suggestions?

 

The biggest one is "get out there". That's it. Oh so true, but not really a plan for action. But there is no plan for how to find the perfect one as far as I'm concerned; it's a crapshoot. I tend to think you'll find one eventually, just not when you think you need it most.

 

6)What were you looking for in a mate? Did you have any clear idea what you wanted in a mate that you would spend the rest of your life with?

 

It really comes down to nbr 2 above. But the following things made it easy to recognise he was my mate. After dating guys who got queasy if I was too intense or not girly enough it was a pleasure to find: he's funny, he's non PC and he's fine with me swearing and being myself. He notices the same things as me at the same time. When I try and gross him out he goes one better. He's cool with me cutting my own hair and not being too girly. He's affectionate and he's sexy. He loves women and he's feminist. He loves animals and he's a dog person. I could go on and on.

 

7)What advice would you give your children and grandchildren about finding the right mate?

 

Don't compromise yourself too much. Never compromise on basic values around how they treat you, like reliablity and honesty. They know how to find you: if they don't call assume the worst and move on. There are plenty of fish in the sea etc. But I fully expect that if I say this there will be rolling of teary eyes and "but mum/grandma you just don't understand!"

 

8 )What are the most important qualities the right mate has to have?

 

Um, see above.

 

9)f you were 17 again, what would you look for in a lifetime partner?

 

I hope I would not be looking for a lifetime partner at that age. I wouldn't have a clue who I was let alone how to judge someone else. Your frontal lobe doesn't even stop growing until you're in your early 20s.

 

10)Is there anything about your partner that you did not know before marriage that would have prevented you from marrying him or her had you known before?

 

Are we assuming I know now and it's okay, or does this question relate to potential dealbreakers? There's nothing I have found out subsequent to marriage, but hey, it's early days. Hypothetical dealbreakers for me relate to lying mostly, and cheating. His ex was an issue - if I had found out he'd been with her or had lied to me about the chain of events in 2005 I would have run for the hills.

[MiaLeah]

Thanks guys, theses responses will help me out.

Oh, and thanks for catching my mistake there caro33.

[ScreenagerX]

I am separated now but.................

 

1)How long have you been married?

We were married 4 years (have been separated 1 year now)

 

2)What important things did you know about your mate before marriage?

She was intelligent, had a good sense of humour, was well travelled & well educated

 

3)What would you have liked to know about your mate before marriage, even though it probably would not have made any difference?

There was nothing really, I knew her so well by then anyway & I loved her as she was

 

4)What qualities does your mate have that are important to you?

That she was able to forgive me & sees me as a close friend again

 

5)Did anyone make suggestions on how to fund the best mate before you were married?

I was actually introduced to her by a fellow student but no one told me how to 'find' a mate. I didn't really have much trouble in that department

 

6)What were those suggestions?

See Above

 

6)What were you looking for in a mate? Did you have any clear idea what you wanted in a mate that you would spend the rest of your life with?

Wasn't really looking as such, it just kind of happened. I think if your intentionally looking then you never find what you want. What you do need to remember is not settle for second best. I guess when it comes down to it, someone that I can laugh with, have a wine with, a cry with & snore next to.

 

7)What advice would you give your children and grandchildren about finding the right mate?

Be patient, whats the rush, you have your whole life. Don't mistake love for lust. And if he chooses her over you, he was never good enough for you in the first place. Your choices/ideals are just as important as your partners, don't just give them up.

 

8 )What are the most important qualities the right mate has to have?

See Number 6

 

9)f you were 17 again, what would you look for in a lifetime partner?

I don't think its possible for a 17 year old to look for a lifetime partner. Wheres the life experience? Get out there; travel, see the world or at least see some of your own country.

 

10)Is there anything about your partner that you did not know before marriage that would have prevented you from marrying him or her had you known before?

No. I loved her that much that even if something bad had come out we could have worked it out I'm certain.

[justpaisley]

1. 6 years on March 15th

2. Basically everything. We were very close friends, best friends, for 2 years before we started dating. It naturally and quickly progressed into marriage.

3. I wish I had known his medical issues, which have just been discovered. I won't go into detail, but it would have been nice to know about so we could have worked on it earlier.

4. Christianity, intelligence, a sense of humor, confidence, security, ambition, nice butt

5. Yes.

6. Everyone said that once you stop looking for "the one," that's when you'll find him. I think that's ridiculous - if you want a mate, you never stop looking.

6.2. Quite honestly, I was looking for anyone that would date me. I knew I wanted to marry a Christian man, but until I met my husband, I didn't have any further qualifications.

7. Find yourself, and the right mate will find you.

8. See #4. I also wouldn't be with someone with drug or alcohol problems, or a history of abuse or incarceration.

9. 17's not a real good time to look for a lifetime partner. At 17, I would have dated anything, and often did. Life experiences are more important than a lifetime partner at the age of 17. (Sorry if that's not the answer you wanted.)

10. No. There are things my husband does that drive me nuts, and a few things that make me angry, but doing a benefit analysis helped me realize that those things are far outweighed by the things about my husband that are absolutely wonderful. I honestly wish I could make more of him to pass out to some of my girlfriends.

[ghost69]

you are 18, you shouldn't be getting married.

 

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[jasminebose]

1)Nearly 5 years

 

2)that he loved me, that he was kind, that he took care of his family, that we shared hobbies and ideas

 

3)Background on his family/religion/upbringing and some of the negative characterisitics he has!

 

4)He is very responsible, he is funny, he is sweet, he is handsome (!)

 

5) Yes

 

6) A lot of people said going out with someone who was a friend first was a good idea

 

7)Yes had a clear idea although I didn't follow it completley! Was a bit taken in by his looks and the thrill of the new relp. Personality wise I wanted someone kind, friendly, warm, etc.

 

7)Not to marry too young!! to take time in the relp before marrying to really get to know the person and see if you can get on in good times and bad. To make a strong commitment and think of it as forever when they do marry

 

8 )To be honest and trustworthy, to be able to compromise and put the others need's before their own at times, to be compassionate and above all else be a good friend.

 

9)If i was 17 I would go by looks (as I did at 22!!)

 

10) Yes- past history of drug taking and family issues (that only emerged 1 year into marriage). Having said that we married after only 5 months together so can't blame him entirely, and we are still together and have worked these issues out.