Really confused

[Firequeen]

My ex and I were together for 2 years, we were inseperable and planned on spending our lives together. I'd been confused lately about whether I was happy with him - I would have never split up with him I just voiced my concerns that we were taking eachothers company for granted slightly and needed to shake it up a bit. Well he told me he'd been thinking about splitting up with me on Valentines day but promised we'd work hard at it and wouldn't. Right up til the last minute he told me he loved me, even Sunday morning then he split up with me last Sunday night.

 

Well I was heartbroken, I we promised we'd make it work. Honestly I thought he'd come back though because when he dropped me off after picking up my stuff from his house he kissed me and he said he was thinking about whether to take me back or not but he didn't come back so I spent last week getting over him ... until Fri and Sat when I saw him at work and just burst into tears. He didn't even seem to care at all, he wasn't sad or ignoring me, he just spoke to me like he would any other person so I asked him today why he didn't care and he said "Well I've been through it before" but he wasn't with his ex aslong as me and she cheated on him with his best friend so I can imagine he'd be glad to get rid of her but our relationship wasn't bad, although there was a bit of confusion, I still loved him up to the end and I believed he loved me too so I don't understand how he can claim to get over it so easy. I know Wed night he told his friend he missed me but that soon seemed to pass.

 

Well I don't know what to do, we've agreed to be friends for the sake of working together although I find it very hard. We also have a trip booked to London for the weekend that was too late to cancel, we decided to go still but I don't want to be miserable all weekend. Everytime I see him not caring it hurts more, I'm not crying over it anymore but I'm left very lonely and confused to whats going through his head. He said we'd stay best friends but he's been quite cold towards me. I'm really confused.

 

Anyone got any advice or support to help?

[emma34]

The whole idea of you working together and going on a trip and remaining 'best friends' just seems like a really rought situation! Is there any way you can get away from him for awhile? While its possible, i really think that staying close friends with him is not the right thing to do - it will just lead to more confusion.

[Firequeen]

Well we agreed to friends at first then I told him we should probably just cut ties because it was too hard for me but he insisted on friends and going out once every couple of weeks. I only gave in because I have to see him at work anyway.

[Locke2121]

Cold...maybe. Very often men mask their hurt very well. He could very well be screaming in pain inside, but it would be unmanly to show it. Please give it some time. Don't squall and beg him to come back, just be there for him and for yourself as well. Put a bit of distance between the two of you and make sure you start living your life for yourself as much as possible.

 

Going out every couple of weeks?? Why, if he wants you, it should be for everyday, not just when he feels like going out! Don't give in, EVER! Remember, you can be just as cold as he seems to be.

[Firequeen]

Well Friday at work I tried to act like I wasn't bothered and ignored gim but I noticed he looked all sad and kept staring at me with soppy eyes. He asked me to go on a break with him and I gave in. Then the tables turned and I got confused and a bit sad and he seemed to be happy and not bothered and thats how he's been ever since.

I can't understand him.

[Alexis_failure]

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but he isn't good enough for you if thats how he's going to be. You deserve someone who when they say that they will work on things, they do.

[Locke2121]

but I noticed he looked all sad and kept staring at me with soppy eyes.

 

Yep, he's hurting just as much as you are...but you gave in and made him feel better! He knows that he can still push a button and have you at his beck and call.

 

Time to change that!

[Firequeen]

Well that does make me feel better however he told his friend he's got a date in the week. I know the girl and as far as I know she has a boyfriend so I confronted him and he said it was just her and his friends going to the cinema but his exact words to his friend were "we're going on a date and if A = Moon and X = Steve, then A + X = X>A" (whatever that means)

 

I'm really confused

[kate111]

Hmmm. Sounds like he can't commit to you but likes having you around.

 

Are you happy to be his friend? If so then I would be nice to him and see him occasionally.

 

If it is hurting you I would suggest being cordial to him at work but nothing more. If he looks at you with puppy eyes don't give in. Ignore it. Be happy and positive but say you don't want to see him.

 

I'd go for the second option personally.

[Steve316]

Firequeen,

 

I don't think you can go on the trip. I should be in London with my gf right NOW, this very weekend...but obviously I'm not. I couldn't get a refund on anything either.

 

I must admit I toyed with the idea of asking her still to go, but it would have been a crazy idea. I don't think she would have agreed anyway but even if she had, going as friends would have ended in tears.

 

Write off the trip and try to go NC for a little bit, even a week. Then, see what happens, let him contact you.

[Firequeen]

Well I phoned him last night. I know, NC but we had to get things sorted out first. He said he wasn't even sure if he wanted to go anymore and shouted at me =\

[Steve316]

Well I phoned him last night. I know, NC but we had to get things sorted out first. He said he wasn't even sure if he wanted to go anymore and shouted at me =\

 

Seriously, I wouldn't go.

 

I know how you feel, I had been looking forward to the trip from the minute I booked it, and was gutted when I knew (for obvious reasons) we would never make that trip.