how to date 2 people at the same time?

[sleeplessdude]

first off, this is an awesome forum been reading all night and today.

 

my question is, i've heard that people casually date two or more people at the same time and just wondering how you go about doing it. In the past two weeks I've met 2 awesome girls ones older than me 25 and the other is younger 22. i have a date with the 25 yr old this weekend but also want to get to know the 22 yr old. Is this a good idea? I'm afraid if I start hanging out with both of them I will get attached and/or end up hurting one/or both of them.

 

What would you do? I can't get them off my mind, I guess I'm trying to protect myself so that I don't have all my eggs in one basket, you know?

 

sleeplessdude

[Batya33]

I dated more than one person at a time by seeing each person about once a week - no sex with either of them - and not letting it go much more than a few months before deciding. Often the decision will be made for you. I did not ever talk about who else I was seeing or if I was seeing anyone else - if we weren't exclusive it was none of his business and if I was busy with the other guy I would say "sorry I'm busy" and if he pried I would say "I have plans with a friend."

 

If you have some sort of myspace page where women can post comments I would definitely get rid of that or make it private/inaccessible to them.

[blender]

BE HONEST, it's okay to date more than one person, casually, but eventually you have to be honest with yourself and be aware of what vibe you are giving to the individual girl, and to make sure to be clear that if and when things get "closer" that you are completely honest and let the girl know that you are not exclusively dating her... and then she can let you know what her 'standards/values" are considering if she would be "okay" with continuing to date you, or would desire exclusivity and then you can decide who you want to be with, and "IF" you can make a commitment to be exclusive... it's all one step at a time, most important quality being that you know when to be "clear and honest" about where you stand, so that you do not knowingly deceive someone...

[rocio]

It depends what you define as "dating". If you're just seeing someone once a week or less, not physically intimate with them, and make it clear that you're just getting to know them on a casual basis, then this shouldn't be hard to pull off at all. Of course, be discreet about it. Don't tell them about each other or make knowledge of each other accessable (for instance, if they are in the same class or have mutual friends, then this is an accident waiting to happen). But don't lie or decieve.

 

This can be a great way to get to know people. It takes the pressure off and keeps you from smothering either girl.

[sidehop]

Just be honest and be up front about your intention. If they're getting an idea that you may be interested in a long term relationship (but you're not) it can hurt the other person as well as may cause problems for you in a long run

[rocio]

Just be honest and be up front about your intention. If they're getting an idea that you may be interested in a long term relationship (but you're not) it can hurt the other person as well as may cause problems for you in a long run

 

I got the impression that he was interested in a long term relationship if he found the right girl. But you have to do things in the right order.

 

1. spend a bit of time with the person

2. spend a bit more time with the person

3. start thinking about the long term

[Beec]

I agree with Batya33, in that there should be no sex. I would not let it go a few months. My limit is four to five dates, and even then that can be a bit long. A person might expect that after four or five dates they are in a relationship. You want things to not get that far when you end it with one of them. It's much easier to see her once, and then stop, and to see her again, than to have her getting hopes about about a long term thing when you dump her. If you find yourself picking one, pick soon.

 

Do not tell either that you are dating someone else. If asked flat out, don't lie. But when asked, set forth some bench marks so she can know when she will be the only one.

 

Do not talk to them often. Call to set up dates, end the calls, date them, talk to them on dates.

[sleeplessdude]

Wow thanks for all the replies. I do want to be in a long term relationship, all the above is great advice, many thanks

[Beec]

I've found that when I began by dating a few women and let them kind of naturally dwindle down to one, the one lasts longer. It makes for a slower entry into a relationship, but that seems to work in favor of it lasting.

[Beec]

Yes, I am all for competition, but I see it more as adding value. The more people want you, the more value you have. When you decide on one, she or he is getting lots of value.

 

I even went so far as to tell women I later got into relationships with that when we met, "I didn't have room for you in my rotation." And I made it clear that when we did begin dating, she was still part of a rotation. Has never hurt me yet. Indeed, it got her acting as if she was offended, and then the next day she seemed to love me more than ever.

[hosswhispra]

With horses it's usually one male horse to a herd of females. Maybe it should be like that for humans too. That way every girl would get a shot, right?