Excessive Porn!!

[sanns677]

i'm still confused as to where this guy lied. it just sounds like he left some things out about his past.

 

That is probably more accurate. It was just the fact that I was worried about STDs and he told me I had nothing to worry about because he had only been with the one virgin girl, when in fact I did have cause to worry. I was mad because he knowingly put my health at risk so that he would not have to reveal something embarrassing. That was a while back though and we worked through it....I am mostly over it but it was hurtful when it happened.

 

 

F.Y.I....I really hate telling this stuff without mentioning how wonderful is is besides these things. everyone messes up now and then, I know I sure do.....so yeah he is amazingly kind and loving to me besides the few things I mentioned.

[ghost69]

well, on that note, have him tested. then his past should mean nothing to you.

 

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[sanns677]

He went and got tested and everything is ok. His past really doesn't mean much to me exept on the one occasion.

[ghost69]

why does this bother you so much? it is his past. you are his present. 3 more letters in the word present, so you mean more to him at this time. you should let it go. maybe he made a mistake. he can't fix it so quit being upset about it.

 

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[TheFoglifter]

I've gone through probably hundreds of porn discussions and I've noticed some things in your post that need more clarification.

 

1) With him choosing magazines over you when you were lying on the bed. Were you already on the bed, in the mood when he got up and went into the bathroom, or did you come into bed without him knowing you were even out there. You saw he was erect, but would you have tried to initiate sex if he wasn't?

 

If he was already in there before you got there, then you can't blame him. If he had just cum, most guys need a few moments to recharge.

 

2) Although I'd agree in a heartbeat that a real girl is better than porn, I have been on way too many boards to believe that everyone feels that way. My jaw dropped when I saw how many girls out there are frustrated because their men want sex once a month -- these are hot hot hot girls who are always in the mood and are adventurous. It is entirely possible that he just wanted to take care of himself and be done with it.

 

3) You say you have sex "often enough". I have found that people can have DRASTICALLY different views on what constitutes "often" and "enough". My gf feels pressured and she only puts out once every 2 months or so. Needless to say, no matter HOW she feels, I would use neither "often" nor "enough" to describe our frequency of sex.

 

I'll echo all the things that were said earlier about men loving porn, and its better to pick your battles. I don't think you should mention the computer file -- you saw that it was innocent.

 

Best of luck.

[Rabican]

My view on porn is that as long as it does not interfere with your sex life.. ie it is not replacing you then dont complain. Sounds like he does watch a lot of porn... If I were a girl I would not care about that. I dont care when my girl watches it.

 

The erection thing... may or may not have been something to be concerned about. Sometimes Ill get hard for no reason, the wind blows to the left instead of the right... bam, hard. See a victorias secret commercial, bam hard again. my girl shows some cleve, bam hard again. Sometimes I am hard and not even remotely horny also. Like it just does it for no reason. So he could have been playing... or not.

[sanns677]

why does this bother you so much? it is his past. you are his present. 3 more letters in the word present, so you mean more to him at this time. you should let it go. maybe he made a mistake. he can't fix it so quit being upset about it.

 

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I am not upset, but it was a big deal when it happened is all I am saying. Im over it now!

[sanns677]

Well I talked to him. It was a very adult conversation, no fighting, thank god!I left out that I had acctually seen the porn. I wanted to spare both of us the embarrassment. Instead I told him that he did not seem very interested in me all of the sudden and I was assuming that he either lost his sex drive or was using other means.

However, I did mention the night when I was on the bed and all that. Here is what he said happened: He said that I had been reading a book (which is true but I had also been really flirty with him) and I guess he was getting mixed signals so he went in the bathroom and did it himself, but I was the one who got him going. He just was not sure if I wanted to read or have sex so... I wish he would have said something to imply what HE wanted because I did want the same thing. But I guess I could have done that too. Anyway...Mixed signals on that one.

As for the rest he says that he has just been exhasted from work, they have upped his work load a little recently. He said that he has been "doing it himself" occasionally but it is because he is too exhasted for the real thing.

That all sounds pretty reasonable to me and we were having sex probably 5 times a week which is a lot, so I don't think that cutting back will hurt us lol. I understand that he has a high sex drive so I told him that it does not bother me if he does it now and then especially if he is too tired.

I don't expect him to be all over me all the time, I just thought it was strange that he was for a year and a half then within a short period he had seemed to lose interest. I explained that to him and we agreed to go easy for a while until work slows down.

I am glad we talked and everything is worked out. Thanks for all of yall's advice.

[ScreenagerX]

Thats awesome sanns!!!!! You sound alot more positive about it all now. Different people react differently to stress (especially work related stress) and deal with it in different ways.

 

Again communication in a relationship goes along way, I applaud you for taking the necessary steps to keep those channels open rather than just sulking or making accusations. Well done!!!!!

[sanns677]

Thanks, I feel much better now that he and I talked. thanks yall!!!!\\

[TheFoglifter]

... were having sex probably 5 times a week which is a lot, so I don't think that cutting back will hurt us lol."

 

You are so lucky! I don't think my girl will give me sex 5 times this year.

[ghost69]

look at it this way. pros are in pornos. they can teach him new ideas too. more happiness for you.

 

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