Fear of the same thing happening again

[insofar]

A while back I posted that a couple people on OkCupid had pretty much stopped talking to me after a while and it was frustrating. As it turned out, one of the women was just getting away for a while, and we started talking again. I've since found out that we have a lot of things in common (which I could tell from talking to her originally but even more so now). We're talking just about every day now through MSN and IRC (one of the interests she shares with me) and I'm really starting to like her.

 

The only problem? She's in Ohio, I'm in Ontario.

 

Now, this sort of thing was never planned on my end; Lord knows that I wanted to avoid long distance relationships like the plague after my previous one. But such is the issue with the internet (and for the record, she initially messaged me). I don't want to close off my mind from anything, and we're in such an early stage right now that I don't imagine this will come up for a while. That said, I'm a bit nervous. I put so much into my last relationship only to have the distance (among other things) simply be too much for her. I certainly don't think this new person is anything like my ex and I don't want to compare them, but I do know the huge issues faced if we do get into a relationship and want to get together... border crossings, problems with customs, you name it.

 

Am I just overthinking this? I just find that this sort of thinking is preventing me from opening up to her. If she was in my city, I would have asked her out a while ago.

[Batya33]

I think it is perfectly reasonable to have long distance be a dealbreaker -not everyone is cut out for it.

[confused25]

I don't want to sound to pessimistic but if you're having doubts already then I would say that LDR is probably not for you. I went through the same thing a couple of years ago with my ex-bf and I ended up breaking up with him (we lived 6 hours apart). Maintaining a LDR is serious hardwork and not to mention that it can be a drain on your bank account if you are planning on visiting each other often.

[insofar]

I'm not pessimistic. My last relationship was an LDR (much longer distance than this, actually) and it lasted a year and a half. I'm certainly not averse to the idea, but my last one has certainly made me a lot more cautious. And I'm certainly aware of the bank account-draining effect it can have (as was my credit card). I know that I personally am strong enough for it.

 

There is also a local woman who seems interested in me. I like them both, but I feel more of a connection with the one from Ohio (of course, I've also talked with her a lot more). Dah well, I guess I'll just see how things go. I just like to talk about my frustration sometimes. Someone invent the teleporter already!

[paully_slag]

My wife and I were about a 10 hour drive apart when we first started getting serious. Of course we were both in the same country but it was still hard.

 

My point is you can make a LDR work, it just takes a lot more work and the person has to be well worth it.

[ten]

Well like you said, your LDR is still at an early stage. Has it turned romantic yet? If not I think you should keep it strictly platonic while you still have the chance... Spend more time with the local girl, I'm sure you'll find that special connection with her if you just try.

 

Personally speaking, you went through so much with your LDR. You and me, we both gave it everything we had and all the commitment in the world couldn't keep the LDR together.. so I really don't want you to put yourself through something like that again. I know I won't. And like you mentioned.. you'll save a lot of money avoiding a LDR! I have 1400 to blow since my gf broke up and we're no longer going to cali for spring break. Clothes shopping for me!! see it really does work out. =)