Do I send a letter after he broke up with me?

[erinj78]

I have previously posted my horrible break up story last week...but a quick recap, my boyfriend of 3 years (he's 41, I'm 28 ) broke up with me on Valentine's Day over the phone during my lunch break.

 

This was the second time, as the first he did it over i.m. last June and I took him back towards the end of July. Now, my roommate is a social worker..so she is all about getting your emotions out. So I wrote this letter basically telling him everything I was disappointed with and with him. It's a good letter as you never get a word in edgewise with him...cause he's always right and a complete and utter narcissist. So there is no way I have had the opportunity to say these things before.

 

So, most of my males friends say NO!! Most of the girls...say yes. So I am at a crossroad...

 

Do I send the letter or not?

[kermit]

I would, assuming you don't want him back. It will give you some closure, and you can move on with your life.

[confused25]

If you really think it will make you feel better about it, then I'd say go for it! I had the same dilemma as you a couple of months ago when my ex broke up with me out of the blue. I was so shocked that I didn't get a chance to say everything I wanted to say that night so I decided to send him an email. And you know what, it made me feel a lot better afterwards because I was able to get everything off my chest and I felt like that was MY closure. Just make sure your letter sounds calm, composed and professional, and not pathetic, sappy or angry. Because the last thing you want to do is make yourself look like a bitter and psychotic ex . . .

[Semid]

Why do not you keep it to yourself? . So you can read it over and over. You have already expressed your feellings there, which is a great move.

 

If you say he is a narcissist, do you think he will mind about that?.

[darkpumpkin]

If you need to send it to help you shut the door on this part of your life then do it. Because right now you just think of what you need. If you think he will think about things or realize what an {Mod Edit} he is then no it won't really help. If your doing it soley for you and just you go for it!

[Massari]

I am really sorry about what you are going through. I know its tough. I am sure if I don’t ask you this here someone else will. Are you looking for some kind of reaction from him? If that’s the case, I suggest that you don’t send it to him because if he doesn’t respond you will be left feeling not so good.

 

I Say write it but don’t sent it just to get it out of your system.

[Dako]

Maasari's right.

His reaction or lack of one may just add to your misery.

If he's arrogant, the best thing to show him is silence, since he probably craves attention.

[erinj78]

No, there is no one else...but if anyone has ever dealt with a narcissist before..knows they are irrational. That is what most of the guys are saying....about getting a respond out of him and I should just keep it to myself...most of the girls are saying closure.

 

So I really don't know what to do.

[Me and myself]

Erini 78, I'm sorry for what you're going through.

Let me tell you my own experience from my last relationship.

My gf broke with me befor Xmas, we had a couple of coffees together and, after, I decided to go into NC mode. I never contacted her during one month, and so as she.

At the 5th week, she text me invinting me to meet her at a bar where she was working as a DJ. I said no, I had other appointments (that was just an excuse for not going).

One week later she text me again asking if I was in my hometown, if we could go for a coffee. I said no, once again (I was not in my hometown but I would say no again).

A few days later (in fact it was yesterday), a sent her an e-mail which you can read if you want to (see my post called "Need your help with a letter").

During my NC I've analysed my relationship and there were a few things I would like to tell her. I just took the opportunity she gave me when she contacted me to tell these things. Even if I was the dumpee, I gave her another chance to come back to me, otherwise, just leave me alone.

 

Basically, what I'm trying to say is that I decided to send a letter only after she gave the opportunity to do that and, very important, because I analysed the relationship and was able to identify some issues why it din't worked.

If you send it soon, make it a polite letter, without angry accusations. Talk about your feelings and what caused them (his atittudes, for example).

[sallyusa]

i was somewhat kind of situation whether to send a letter to get things off my chest to say the things that i never got to say to my ex. but the more i think about it the more i backed out from it. its good to write stuff down to get things off your chest whether in an email or a plain simple letter. if your wanting to send the letter and see what his response his he's probably not gonna care after all he's probably moved on cause mine's did the same. if your looking for closure with this man if i were you i would give closure to myself and not look back at all, sometimes its best to leave things the way they are and when that time comes and the timeing is right you will get the closure that you need, you just broke up. even though i broke up with my ex 4 years ago after 6 years i got my closure. i hope this helps a little.

[erinj78]

someone told me that too...that if he is to contact me again, then give him the letter.

 

It is a well spoken and calm letter...surprisingly, since I wrote the night of the break up.