hopefully, someday, it will get better.

[katman79]

Its been a month. I want to get better. I also want something I cant have. That makes things harder for me. I don't know if keeping on going will make things better. I want to feel better now.

 

I do feel like I am making headway at great speed in every phase of my life - my work has taken on bigger dimensions, and I feel surprisingly confident. I am also into public speaking and I won three speaking awards in three successive weeks. I bought a keyboard and I'm going to start taking piano lessons. Ive also met lots of new people in the past month, Ive done things Ive never done before - like go to the meetin group thing. I would've never done that before. I also listen only to rock. I know that sounds trivial, but it isn't for me. My music defines me to a great extent.

 

Yet, when I'm by myself, or when I'm looking out the window, theres a certain heaviness, a certain kind of pain, a certain discontent with life, that never seems to go away. When I look at the skyline at night from my apartment, I feel terribly alone. Its almost that fighting every step of the way tires me down so much, that during those few weak moments, I feel like I'm not going to make it. I'm scared of life and of a future without her in it. But yet, I fight. In the hope that someday, it might all get better, and that maybe ill truly smile again.

[friscodj]

Beautifully stated...beautifully stated...

 

You certainly have done a lot in one month! What a list there!

 

The other beautiful thing here besides what you wrote is the fact that in time, this pain, anguish, hopelessness, etc. will subside I absolutely guarantee that but all these other facets of your life won't. So ultimately, you will be better off...even more so than you are now but don't realize it...

[ironpumper]

Yet, when I'm by myself, or when I'm looking out the window, theres a certain heaviness, a certain kind of pain, a certain discontent with life, that never seems to go away. When I look at the skyline at night from my apartment, I feel terribly alone. Its almost that fighting every step of the way tires me down so much, that during those few weak moments, I feel like I'm not going to make it. I'm scared of life and of a future without her in it. But yet, I fight. In the hope that someday, it might all get better, and that maybe ill truly smile again.

 

I'm right there with ya, I'm scared too. I was so convinced that everything would work out and be fine. Now I find I have to break my "addiction", because I've come to realize that's what it was. I won't be getting any more "fixes" and it's terrifying to know I can't. One day at a time, that's all you can do...

[ruby19]

You're doing great Katman. This is how it goes unfortunately. The alone times are the worst, but staying busy and accomplishing new things will help so much. As fruitless as it seems now, keep on keepin' on as the saying goes and one day you will feel better instead of feeling like you are just going through the motions.

[AzureSkyes69]

Very well written (very poetic)...and very sad.

I have felt that way..like something is missing your pretty happy and all but there is like a ache inside that is missing either somebody or something.I know how it feels..it is not a great place to be.

Just try not to think of her and get involved with your friends..with work,with hobbies.

Just try not to dewll on her...

Yeah I know easier said than done...believe me I know.

But someday that discontentment and emptiness will be filled again..it takes time.You will be happy again and you will smile.There is always hope for tomorrow. no matter how much of a dark place you are in,your dark skies will get brighter someday.Don't loose hope.