help

[lovespell]

My friend recommended this site to me...I'm so lost, I need some serious help. I've discovered my husband of seven years, with whom I have one 3 year old son with and am now 7 months pregnant with his twin daughters has been so unfaithful to me all along. Last week he received a strange phone call on his cell where he got all nervous and couldn't look me in the eye. He ran out of the room and i tried to follow but it was quite obvious he did want me hearing. Later I went to check his phone but he had deleted the call from his log. So I questioned him on it and he said it was just a friend playing a prank... Yes he knew I didn't believe it but I shrugged it off not thinking it could ACTUALLY be somethng like this. So yesterday he got another phone call but it didn't have a name when it rang so I picked it up and it was another woman and she got all upset when I picked up saying "who is this? Why are you answering his phone?" and i said "i'm his wife... who is this?" and she hung up. (sorry i know the grammar of this is awful, i'm shaky and upset and i can't think straight). so i called him out on it, once again he got very nervous and didn't know how to act and couldn't give me a straight answer. so after a huge fight i called my best friend on her honeymoon, yes i probably ruined it for her, but i need to talk to someone. she told me to go to his computer and check things out. so i did and i found everything. emails, chats, pictures... three women that he's been seeing behind my back. Beautiful women much younger than me and obviously not as big and huge as i am now. i feel so horrible i'm so unnatractive right now and i'm carrying his BABIES. how could he do this????? i just want to die i'm in such a bad situation... i feel like this is the worst thing that could happen and i have nowhere to turn. how can i turn away from him when i'm two months away from delivering our children? i have no relatives anywhere near me, both my parents have passed. i have many friends but i can't stay with them they all have families and busy lives. he told me he's sorry and he knows how wrong what he did was but he's in love with one of them and he's promised to be with her. she's 24!!!!!!!! how is this fair? he gets to run around with young, beautiful girls and i am left alone. this isn't fair to me or my children. i'm sorry for rambling on i just have no one to turn to or anywhere to go. i feel like i've wasted my whole life with this man and now i'm stuck with what he's done while he gets to run around and be happy all over again

[melrich]

This is all very new to you. You are still in a state of shock and understandably so.

 

The key thing is not to panic. Give yourself time to absorb things before starting to work on what to do. I know it does not seem like it now but you will get through it, your son and your babies will be OK. Somehow this will work out for you.

 

Is there anywhere you can stay for a night or two? Or is it possible your husband can move out for a bit? You need some space to yourself to come to terms with things.

 

Have you told your family? They will be anxious to support you and at the moment you need someone with you that you can talk things through with.

[always123]

My siblings all live far away and as I said my best friend is on her honeymoon. I do have three other very close friends but I'd feel like such a burden staying there. They have offered but I just can't do it. I guess I could get a hotel nearby and stay with my son. My husband has already left. I didn't even have to tell him... he CHOSE to leave because he wanted to go stay with the girl. I have yet to tell my brothers and sisters... I'm just not ready to. Why do people do this to each other? I would never, ever have done something so horrible to my husband. I just cannot believe what's going on... he doesn't even care about our family

[emit_remmus]

I'm the son in a situation like this. My mom has been cheated on even to this day since I was a baby, but they stuck it out for me and they are still together. Things are good now I would say.

 

If you stick it out for the children, the children will have both parents, yeah. That might make things financially convenient for the children's future, but the children will also have a dysfunctional family life. But then no families are perfect, and it seems like its the norm for men to cheat on their mates in all societies.

[melrich]

I would never, ever have done something so horrible to my husband. I just cannot believe what's going on... he doesn't even care about our family

 

Try not to worry about him at the moment. He will one day receive his just desserts.

 

The main thing for you is to take time for yourself. I would strongly recommend you tell your family what is going on. It will be a huge weight off your shoulders and they will want to help and you need support at the moment.

[melrich]

BTW. You have changed user ID since the original post?

[always123]

He doesn't want to stick it out. He's the cheater and now he's leaving me. I didn't even get a chance to say whether I was willing to work it out or not. He's made up his mind. I don't matter to him anymore, he's just throwing it all away. It's really unfair, I feel like I'm getting the bad end of this and I hate that he has someone new and I'm still so in love with him.

[Rabican]

I think the best thing you can do is SUE SUE SUE SUE just sue the pants off of him. Make sure hes squeezing his relationship in with the new girl inbetween his 4 jobs that hes going to need for child support. Get a divorce. Get a lawyer, take everything he owns and sell it to provide for you and your children.

[always123]

ugh, i dont even want to think about going through a divorce. i'll be giving labor and he'll be asking me to sign. i dont understand why this girl would go along with this knowing i had three children with him? has she no sympathy for me? yes i switched names melrich, its my friends... long story short i told her to read my responses in private mail. i feel like a piece of dirt, i feel like this marriage meant nothing to him and it meant so much to me. how does it work out like that

[BeStrongBeHappy]

he was not cheating with just one person, but with three, regardless of who he ends up with... this has nothing to do with you, he is just a flagrant cheater who will not be loyal to anybody in the end...

 

so please try to see him for what he is, and not who you thought he might be... it helps to get over it is you realize what a jerk he is, to cheat with 3 women on a wife who is pregnant wtih twins and has a 3 year old! he's totally selfish, and you can have a better life without him.

 

you don't need to rush, but please make sure that you get a lawyer so that you can get temporary support and child support for your 3 children. he may be able to run off with someone else and you can't stop that, but he won't be running off to luxury when he is required to pay support for you and your children.

 

best of luck, and enjoy your new babies. it is hard, but you can still make a family with your children, and let the awful dog run off with anyone he wants, you don't need such a liar and cheater in your life.

[always123]

You're right bestrong.. he'll probably end up cheating on this woman as well. That is if she doesn't leave him after a little while... she's too young she'll probably get bored. I'm so angry! I know this sounds silly but I wish he wanted to work it out and then I could kick him to curb. It would give me so much satisfaction. My girlfriend took me out to lunch today and she helped me pack up somethings to take to a hotel... I can't bear staying in the house we shared. There's too many memories here. I called up my sister today too and she's flying in to visit. Having her will be nice, I'm just going to be sitting in a hotel all alone. I don't know what to do though, should I try and contact him and talk this through... figure out what we're both going to do? Or should I give it time? He hasn't made an effort to speak to me and I know he's with his girlfriend, but do you think I'd feel better if I told him how I felt and what I wanted to do?

[radioheader]

i am so sorry that you are dealing with this....what a crappy thing for him to do.

 

my husband has cheated on me twice and i have 2 kids...you are in total shock right now and need support and advice....do you go to a church? get a good therapist...ask your friends for names...you are going to need people around you who can help you get thru this...i did. they help so much! you are also going to be on rollercoaster ride of emotions so be ready for that and realize that no matter what you feel it is normal...you have been hurt in one of the worst ways a human being can be hurt.

 

you will get thru this in time....it won't be easy but you will. and he will have to pay for those precious children...i'd go ahead and consult an attorney too...just have a friend or someone go with you b/c you are so emotional now being pregnant and experiencing this...you'll need someone who can take notes and be there with you to recount what was all said..a good friend!

 

and i would hold tight if he has moved out...it is called abandonment (if you own a home) and i think in some states if will help you to stay put if he has left and you all end up divorced...but things can change...i thought i'd be divorced for sure this last time and we have gone thru counseling and he wants to work on our marriage...in the beginning (after i discovered the 2ns affair) this wasn't always true...so a few days of him being gone may change his mind about what he really wants out of life...my husband came around about a month after i asked him to leave...

 

hang in there and get support...and take care of yourself!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

please don't abandon your house for more than a few days... you want to make sure he doesn't move back into it again and claim you abandoned him.

 

 

i suggest your next contact with him be a legal order from the court demanding temporary support for you and your children. a judge will not look kindly on a man running off with someone else while his wife is pregnant, and will make sure you get enough monthly support to continue to pay for the house and expenses until you've settled the divorce and divided everything.

 

that might be a little of the reality therapy he needs. he can run off with someone else if he chooses, but he can't run off from responsibilities to his family.

 

best of luck, hang in there...

[always123]

Thank you all so much for the advice! I did not have a computer at the hotel but I am now back at home. Yes, my emotions are a complete rollercoaster. I've been missing him so much and then when I start missing him I get jealous that he's living with someone else and then I get mad at myself for even caring. Ugh! My sister is here and she's been helping me figure out my next step. I definitely need to get some financial support, especially when the babies come. I'm worried about caring for all three of them by myself. It's so much to take on and I wasn't planning on going back to work for a couple years. There's so many new things I have to think about now.

But the part that kills me is he hasn't even tried to call or talk or at least apologize. I really can't believe how quickly he was ready to up and go. I mean, the day before he left he seemed so happy. Everything was great and he was so sweet to me. And then all of a sudden he's gone? It's hard for me to believe that he's been faking his affection this whole time.