Middle age crisis... is it for real, or is just a nasty cultural stereotype?

[Bijoux]

I've only heard about this middle age crisis thing. In movies, sitcoms and stuff like that. But I do wonder, does it really happens?

 

A common stereotype is that guys in their forties like to buy expensive cars and going out with young girls... How true is this?

 

Is it some kind of male menopause or something? I mean, in women I get it, there are hormonal trainwrecks that drive them nuts but... guys? What is it? Andropause perhaps? That they get to a point in life where... what? They realize they haven't achieved everything they thought they would? So they go mad and... LOL OK enough with the silly suppositions...

 

Tell me everything you know!!

 

*** I AM SPECIALLY INTERESTED IN HEARING THE MIDDLE AGED GUYS ***

[EvaGina]

Its real

my father had a bit of a breakdown and got writers block (not good for an art director) and only pulled himself together when my mother had a serious break down.... which was horrible and scary for all

[Bijoux]

Yeah but WHY?!?!?!?!!?

 

What triggers it?

 

Every guy has to go thru it, like women with menopause?

[shes2smart]

Yeah but WHY?!?!?!?!!?

 

What triggers it?

 

Every guy has to go thru it, like women with menopause?

 

I don't think every guy goes through it...just like some women go through menopause with minimal symptoms and some get every symptom ever known to medicine to the nth degree.

 

What triggers it? Maybe some physical/hormonal stuff...but more likely the realization of one's own mortality. At some point in their 40's most people make the realization that they don't have all the time in the world to do the things they want to do.

 

If we're talking about a person that has not accomplished what they expected to by a certain age or who has not followed a dream they really wanted to, they're probably more likely to freak out and attempt make up for lost time...perhaps in an effort to prove to themselves that they aren't that old.

 

For a longer, detailed discussion, you might want to look at Gail Sheehy's book "Passages: Predictable Crises of Adult Life" and "Understanding Men's Passages: Discovering a New Map of Men's Lives"

 

So, why are you asking? What's your interest in this?

[EvaGina]

facing ones mortality.

He got to 40, realised he was exactly where he was at 30, and freaked out

and Im sure if he hadnt had kids it wouldnt be as bad

 

He wants to leave us the world when he dies, but he wont be able to

He wants to do a lot of htings that he cant

He feels that he has disappointed us, when we are really proud of him for how far he has come

 

My mother was different, it wasnt menopause, it was hysteria.

[Cyprian]

There is even such a thing as a quarter-life crisis! At least I saw a book on it this afternoon at Barnes & Noble...

 

I almost bought it too, then I realized I am not having a quarter-life crisis: I am just wondering why my Ex cheated on me, if I will ever get HER back, if not - will I ever find love again, where do I start looking for it, why did I choose to go into this grad school that I have no interest in, how much money am I spending on something I don't want to do, what do I want to be when I grow up, what do I want to do with my life, how I am going to start changing things?...holy sh/*t! I am having a quarter-life crisis!!!

 

 

[kermit]

At some point you realize that 'this' is all there is, and if you're not happy with 'this' then some changes are in order. We tend to let our lives send us in whatever direction happens as life unfolds, sometimes people choose to stop accepting life as comes and rock the boat instead. Then you're considered to have 'changed', or gone through a crisis.

[Bijoux]

the realization of one's own mortality. At some point in their 40's most people make the realization that they don't have all the time in the world to do the things they want to do.

I feel like that and Im only 23. I don't see why it would hit you until you reach the fourth decade, it obviously can happen way before.

 

they're probably more likely to freak out and attempt make up for lost time...

That's me too. I'm desperate to make up for lost time. I do feel like I've wasted several years in nothing.

 

facing ones mortality.

I'm facing it right now. Why until 40 exclusively?

 

At some point you realize that 'this' is all there is, and if you're not happy with 'this' then some changes are in order. We tend to let our lives send us in whatever direction happens as life unfolds, sometimes people choose to stop accepting life as comes and rock the boat instead. Then you're considered to have 'changed', or gone through a crisis.

Again, not only until you reach 40. That sounds like ANY kind of crisis.

 

 

Perhaps it has to do with the times we're living? We feel jaded and depressed and useless much earlier in life?

 

And wazup with the sterotypes of the cool cars and young girlfriends? They are so annoying. How true is it?

[shes2smart]

I don't know that I can give you any better answer than something mentally shifts when you get past your 40th birthday. For most people, I think the natural tendency through one's 20's and 30's is to feel as if there's plenty of time to do all the things they want to do, so if they don't get to something right now, there's plenty of "later" in which to accomplish it.

 

While you might be well aware that you're not going to be around forever in your 20's, I don't know that the gravity of that thought is quite the same as when you've got more life experience under your belt.

 

I didn't have it so bad because I don't have kids...so, most days I still feel like I'm about 15 only with a car and more money. What really got me though, was when I realized I'd been working in the same business longer than ALL the part-time employees on my staff had been alive.

 

The older you get, there can be more of a sense of doors closing and limited options. F'rinstance, in your 20's you could easily quit your job and go back to school for training in a different career field. People would be generally supportive because that's what you are "supposed" to do at that time in your life.

 

Doing the same thing in your 40's can be a frightening prospect, especially if you have been working in the same field for most of your adult life. People may think you've gone a little crazy giving up what you'd spent most of your life working toward to go do something completely different. The idea of starting from scratch in a new field (and likely taking a huge pay cut), competing with all the younger ones...the mere IDEA of it makes me tired.

 

20 years ago, I never thought I'd be in my 40's....and certainly how I am in my 40's is vastly different than how my parents were in their 40's. While I did experience the deaths of a few people (relatives, friends) in my 20's and 30's...for the most part, it was something that was still distant for me. Now I routinely see obituaries where the person's age wasn't so far off from my own...and that feels a little weird.

 

When I was in my 20's, 50-something seemed old. Not too surprising when you'd see an obit of a 50-something person having a heart attack and dying. Now, I see an obit of a 50-something person dying from a heart attack and I want to swear off red meat and butter and start doing an hour of cardio 5 times a week.

 

It's different. And if some 40-something person told me that when I was in my 20's, I'd be skeptical as well. But it is different.

[BeStrongBeHappy]

why, are you checking to make sure if you take up with an older guy you'll get a cool car?

[BeStrongBeHappy]

...and the reverse can be said... life begins at 40... maturity gives you a lot of understanding that experience brings... some people feel liberated, some people, especially those who are shallow, try to hang onto youth because that is all they value.

[shes2smart]

...and the reverse can be said... life begins at 40... maturity gives you a lot of understanding that experience brings... some people feel liberated, some people, especially those who are shallow, try to hang onto youth because that is all they value.

 

You couldn't pay me enough to go back to my 20's.

 

Even for the odd aches and pains and knowing the ride is likely half over, now is good.

[EvaGina]

I feel like that and Im only 23. I don't see why it would hit you until you reach the fourth decade, it obviously can happen way before.

 

I'm facing it right now. Why until 40 exclusively?

 

its different

you are only a 1/4 of the way through your life, things will get easier for you for a while (in some ways)

things only get more difficult once you meet middle age

[Bijoux]

Dako don't do that!

 

I wanna know what it said in there!!!

 

things only get more difficult once you meet middle age

That's not a generality. And obviously not true for S2S... and she is 42:

 

Even for the odd aches and pains and knowing the ride is likely half over, now is good.

[Dako]

B

I'm just a bit opinionated on the subject, since I'm in a MLC at the moment. I'll check in when I return from getting my hair colored, but the Vette needs waxing...

 

The salon just canceled.

 

What would you do if you'd been going through life, and owned a house, a car, and had a retirment plan, career and everything was all set to cruise into old age. Would you sit tight and proceed with a plan made decades ago when you knew nothing about being middle aged?

 

Let's say you become single because your menopausal wife decides you're an idiot. It happens.

Would you rush out to find another woman like her, or would you look around for someone who doesn't roll her eyes when you tell a joke? What if she's south of 40?

 

Might you resent having given up things you loved and now seek them out?

Would you savor the arts, nature, food and life or bury yourself in a career that was tedious in the Carter years?

 

Notice all my questions? That's what it's like. A pantload of questions.

 

Shes2smart, as always, is way ahead of me and doing better.

Dang!

[Bijoux]

Dako,

 

I´m interested in your insight, even if you are opinionated or plain nuts, writing from some mental institution. I don´t care

 

I do notice all your questions, and I go back to the same idea: it seems that what society likes to label as "middle age crisis" is just one more dark night in human existence. They put it like all males around 45 snap, by default at some point and start doing all that sports car, lolita crap. Not necesarily.

 

Adolescence is also a pantload of questions. Early twenties, pantload of questions as well...

 

Guess it´s fair to say that EVERYBODY hurts, sometime.

 

The rest are just BS labels and clichés, that don´t even start describing it.