Denying LGBT Status

[robowar]

So I'm 17, male, bisexual, and co-captain of my school's wrestling team. In practice, I work with this blond, blue-eyed, muscular eighth grader whom I find immensely attractive, but no one knows this. There is a part of the eighth grade class who knows I'm bi and so I've had a few of these sort of these conversations with my hot wrestling partner:

 

Me: There are these kids in your class who whisper things like "fag" and "gay" whenever I walk by, when they're freshmen next year I'm gonna make their lives hell.

Him: Yeah I know, they say you're bisexual...

Me: I know, what's up with that?

Him: Yeah, I know that's not true anyway.

 

And everytime I have one of those I mentally kick myself because I hate the situation. It's ironic because he has no idea that I think he's incredibly hot. He's a nice kid who I don't think would actively make fun of me but it would make things incredibly awkward for us when we wrestle. I doubt it'd ever be the same. Also, I wouldn't be surprised if other, less mature people on the team found out and that would make it uncomfortable for everyone.

 

I hate denying what I am but unfortunately I don't see any other way in this situation. The issue here is having people on the wrestling team know I'm bi... is this one of those time when it's best to remain closeted for the sake of the team? Has anyone else faced similar circumstances?

[Drizown]

Well i think people would have a problem with the age difference. Unless you knew he was bi as well putting yourself out there will only give you un-necessary grief and anguish.

[robowar]

Well i think people would have a problem with the age difference. Unless you knew he was bi as well putting yourself out there will only give you un-necessary grief and anguish.

 

He's definitely straight. I have no illusions about being able to get with him. The issue is the guilt I feel when denying my sexuality.

[Caterina]

Just tell him that you're bisexual. Why lie? Yeah, and he's kind of young for you so I do think that its a little weird you are so attracted to a kid considering the age difference.

[robowar]

Just tell him that you're bisexual. Why lie? Yeah, and he's kind of young for you so I do think that its a little weird you are so attracted to a kid considering the age difference.

 

Why lie? Because I'm on a wrestling team that involves lots of male-male contact. That's gonna be awkward for the straight ones. And what's three years? He looks older anyway. But my attraction to this kid really isn't the point here.

[Steven1607307306]

Have that IJDGAF attitude towards ignorant kids.

Life is gravy, don't let a simple convo kill you thoughts about this hot guy. Keep it to yourself but if you're asked about it say, "Yeah...and? Wanna wrestle?"

[jas56]

I agree with Driz. Please be careful with this situation because even though you think the 3 yr diff is no big deal now in a year (for you) it can turn into a huge deal. Don't be ashamed of who you are. Remember "think" before you act on things. You don't want to put yourself in a situation where you hate going to school everyday because of certain people and what they say. I know i sound like a mom but.......be careful.

[robowar]

Thanks for the advice everyone. I would never come on to a straight guy anyway so the issue about the age difference is moot. However, I do think that most straight guys would have a problem wrestling someone they knew liked boys in practice... think about how awkward that'd be for them. I know they're ignorant but that's the way of the world, unfortunately. So is it still a good idea to stop denying it?

[HOLLISTERBOI_CALI]

well im 14 and of course if a 17 yearold told me oh your hott and ect,i would be alittle tripped out,but i know he told me for a reason

just dont hate it for what you are,im gay and proud,

im a freshman .. and yes people at school do yell out fag and all those stupid things. just be friends with him right now,later on if you think he hits on you or even might flirt i dont know,tell him,you will never know unless you ask him

goodluck

[fredv3b]

The way I see it you have a choice. Either you don't 'come out' within your wrestling team and you live with your guilt about that or you do 'come out' and you have to deal with the awkwardness (or worse) that results. You are going to have to decide which is the least bad option.

 

Also you say that some people know that you are bi already, do you think that members of your wrestling team might hear about it (and believe it). In which case it might have been better to have told them yourself, on the other hand that might not ever happen.

 

At the end of the day there is no perfect solution to your dilemma. You are going to have to choose which downside you least dislike.

 

Just my thoughts

[robowar]

We were driving home from the state tournament today and we were talking about my teammate Austin (everyone wonders about his sexuality) so I threw out the question, "Would what you guys do if Austin came out as gay?" and my two teammates who were in the car replied, "Uhh find someone else to wrestle." Coming out isn't looking good.

[coffeeformylover]

robowar: I can see the reason why you would not want to come out as gay/bi. Ultimately the decision is up to you. You should eventually be out to everyone including them but if you find that the situation could be dangerous or that it's not the right time then don't do it. Only you can assess that situation.