When They Pull Away?

[NSY991]

If someone you are dating says they need some time apart or to "think" what is an approriate time frame to give them? A few weeks? A week? THe guy I have been dating has pulled away and even said in his last email"

Rest assured I think of you often and still most certainly have hopes for us, that's important for you to know". The following night I received an email

with him saying he hoped I was feeling better. (My father passed away almost two weeks ago) Nothing since, and though I have done nothing (as in contact him) I am a little hurt I haven't heard from him yet. Especially with V-day tomorrow.

 

Am I being unreasoanble or impatient?

Any thoughts on what I should or should not do?

Thx

[scaruff]

How long have you been dating?

 

A period of uncertaintly is actually normal. If I were you, I wouldn't contact him. I would wait for him to contact you. And when he does contact you, I wouldn't ask him any questions on why he went through this period of uncertainty. I would keep it light and breezy and be receptive.

 

I recommend John Gray's book, Mars and Venus on a Date, this book actually explains that in dating there are 5 distinct stages: attraction, uncertaintly, exclusiveness, intimacy and engagement. It sounds as though your guy has hit stage 2. Get the book and read it. You'll learn a lot from it.

[Batya33]

When someone asks me for space I give at least twice as much as they seem to have asked for. I know it's hard to wait but if you are willing to be patient and take the long term view, then you have to have the mind set that the ball is totally in his court and any move you make will just create more distance and "need for space."

[NSY991]

That's what I was thinking , and to be honest , me being able to NOT do anything makes me feel stronger. I guess my only fear is that he will decide he doesn't want to continue pursuing things, but I know I have no control over that.

[scaruff]

That's what I was thinking , and to be honest , me being able to NOT do anything makes me feel stronger. I guess my only fear is that he will decide he doesn't want to continue pursuing things, but I know I have no control over that.

 

You have a great understanding of this already. Very smart.

 

Hang in there.

[Batya33]

That's what I was thinking , and to be honest , me being able to NOT do anything makes me feel stronger. I guess my only fear is that he will decide he doesn't want to continue pursuing things, but I know I have no control over that.

 

Far greater risk of him deciding that if you don't give him the space he requested and let him come to you.

[NSY991]

I agree Batya...and am trying maintain my distance. Great advice. Thanks so much.

[Day_Walker]

The natural human reaction when someone pulls away is to follow them but you cannot do that. If they pull away then it is their choice to come back.

[coollady1957]

It is definitely easy to become impatient with the wait. I think you are doing the right thing by waiting it out and not contacting him.

 

How long have you two actually been dating and how long has his " think break " been going on?

[NSY991]

Coollady we have been "dating" for just over six months, but we see each other infrequesntly mostly because he travels for work. We had a big fight two weeks ago, right before my father passed away suddenly, and though he has been supportive about that, he said he is not ready to talk because

of the fight we had....and he wants to "think about" what direction he's heading in. His last contact was Friday evening.