Need to be happy and single!!

[j201714]

Hi All,

 

I am steadly healing now it has been 7 weeks (on thurs!) However i dont seem to be able to do it without drinking. I know i am drinking to much but i feel at the moment its the only thing i can look forward to, although its not making me feel any better as i say and do stupid things when drunk(although no drunken late night calls as of yet!)

 

I go to my local pub which i enjoy however, i met this really nice lad in there thought he really liked me etc. but no he dosent he doesnt think he isnt right "for my needs" This has made me feel really despraste and sad. I dont think i can be strong enough to be on my own and happy. I despratly want to be, but i keep finding myself looking for someone else,beacause maybe i think it will take away the pain of losing C. I think i need to be accepted and liked by men which proves i have no self essteem. How can i be happy again. Any help would be great.

[JoeWho]

I think a lot of people place too much of their own happiness on their relationship or attention they are getting or not getting form the opposite sex. To truly be successful in relationships you have to be happy with yourself first, which brings us to your question of how we do that.

 

Since your break up is still pretty fresh, it is normal to feel the way you are right now. I know 2 months after my break up I was looking for attention and acceptance from women even though I was no where near ready for it. Time and resisting the urge to rebound will bring you to the place where you can start to accept and love yourself. It is hard and you will get very lonely at times, but be strong and look at the big picture. By suffering a little in the short run and finding yourself, accepting yourself and then loving yourself, in the long run you will be prepared to have a good relationship when the right person comes along because you have done the work and love yourself and are not needing to be in a relationship but instead choosing to be in one. Its a process and its not easy, but definitely worth it!

 

Best of luck to you!!

[numbhead]

great bit of advice joewho, i will use it too!

[christy1002]

It looks like you got some GREAT advice here! In the long run, giving yourself time to heal, no matter how painful at the time, you will be glad you did!

[This is Horrible]

i am an alcoholic and take it from me- alcohol does not solve the problem at all. if anything it will make it worse. my ex dumped me 43 days ago and i relapsed at that point and i used drinking as a way to medicate myself from life on life's terms.

 

thank God i stopped drinking and the relapse only lasted a week, but the alcohol made my situation a lot worse, and it also made me do things i regret doing now so badly- like threatening to kill myself and begging her time and time again that i want her back.

 

i still hope that one day she and i can reconcile, but speaking realistically, i feel that will never happen, and i have messaged people here and they agree with that. the way i look at it is this: God did this to me to give me a wake up call. My ex was not supportive of me stopping drinking and i wasnt working the AA program thoroughly because i just wanted to please her. as i tried to "please her" our relationship went down the drain right before my eyes.

 

now i am back in AA and doing everything i am supposed to do in the program and i am taking everything one day at a time. and since i have been back in AA i have realized this: that life goes on. A few weeks ago I couldnt imagine life without my ex, but now, one day at a time, life is getting easier and easier. dont get me wrong, there are tough times, but you learn to get through them, and i really think when this is all set and done i will be better off than i ever was in my life because great pain suffered can be reallt rewarding if you try to make positives out of it.

 

sorry for rambling on here. my best advice would be not to drink too much and just deal with the situation one day at a time, and before you know it, life will be so much better.

[j201714]

Thanks for the great advice.