7 Years Ended With An Email- I am Broken!

[PrincessDiana]

He ended our 7 years together with an email and I am broken. He has left me with no reason, ended "us" abruptly, as in overnight.

[PrincessDiana]

I have this same post in the Relationships section because I was not sure how to get it over here in this forum. Many thanks to Orlander for helping me.

 

I am shattered, and broken...and am reaching out for support. Hopefully I will be helpful to others as I try to heal myself.

 

I have much more to say....I don't want to overload too much all at once.

[boston23]

Hi Diana-

 

So sorry to hear that you've been going through all of this. I recently had anxiety attacks; they are definitely horrible to go through so I definitely sympathize with you on those!! Are you see a medical professional for them (or at least a therapist)? Anxiety attacks can be so debilitating so make sure that you are getting the help you need.

 

I'm so sorry to hear that this man you loved so much cheated on you and then wrote you an email at the end. It sounds like he really did think that your anxiety attacks were about him; he knew he was cheating and was worried that you knew or at least had some idea. He wrote that email rather than talk to you because he is consumed by his guilt--I know it's hard, but don't take the fact that he couldn't at least tell you himself personally about the break up. The fact that the break up was in a letter is about him and his emotional state, it has nothing to do with you.

 

I really think that you need to get to the bottom of why you have been having anxiety attacks. Although they can seem to come on randomly, they do not come out of no where; there is a reason that your body is doing this. Perhaps you really did have an inkling that he was cheating, but you weren't ready to deal with it. Or you just didn't feel satisfied in where your life was.

 

For me, I started having issues with my gag reflex when I became really unhappy with my relationship. It became so bad that I could barely brush my teeth because it made me gag so much. I had no idea at the time why I was gagging...I just thought it was a layover from bronchitis and coughing so much. Now that I recognize it for what it was (a response to my emotional state) I am much more able to overcome it.

 

I wish you the best in all of this. Continue to post!! It's always helpful to let others know what you've been going through.

[pacopaco]

Hi,

 

I was also in a 7 year relationship, and was cheated on. I am so sorry. I know it hurts bad. This happened to me a year ago, and I do feel much better now. I'm not over things completely, but I recognize that what bothers me now, when it does, is all inside of me. That man is out of your life now, he can no longer hurt you. I hope that consoles you a little bit. Take your time with things, you have no rush and let yourself heal.

[blender]

Well, the good news is, YOU are not going to ALLOW yourself to invest anymore of your precious energy, mind, body and your heart, on who you "hoped and thought" this man "could be"... because he's revealed for awhile that he is NOT the man you "hoped and dreamed" he "could be" in your life.

 

So do not make the mistake of taking what he does "personally" it's not about you as much as he's not been FOR you.. during most of the relationship. Him getting "tired" or "impatient" with your panic attacts is one thing, but to "email you" a break up is a sign of his lack of maturity and emotional responsiblity and that is about HIM, not YOU.

 

He is stuck in his own "life pattern" it was in place long before you came into his life, and will be in place long after you are out of his life...

 

And for this you can be "grateful".. you are free, free to explore YOUR OWN future, your own happiness, and to re-gain your sense of self without him in your life....

 

this break up, as painful as it "feels', (it's important for you to separate the "feelings from the facts" in order to heal).. because as painful as it "feels" you can feel those feelings and work through them on your own for YOU...through no contact because the "fact" is he is NOT capable of loving you in a respectful, intentional, mature, loyal, consistent, honest way...

 

The FACT is YOU deserve a loving, repsectful, intentional, mature, loyal, consistent man in YOUR life.. and he's just not capable of being that man...so it's not about what you did or didn't do, it has nothing to do with you.. his choices are about him... even when he was "with you" it was about him...

 

Your panic attacts are part of your "gut instinct" knowing deep inside your heart that this guy was NOT emotionally capable of being there for you or for anyone through thick and thin..

 

And for right now you need to let go of him and to take time to mourn the loss of your previous marriage, get through your divorce and take care of you, and be on your own for awhile... before emotionally overlapping into this unhealthy relationship..

 

Get back to re-gaining your sense of self, your own identity outside of a relationship, finding your "inner happiness" and NOT by thinking you will "attain" it from some man...

 

Because it's only when you can find these qualities inside yourself that you will "attract" the RIGHT man into your life and then you can "SHARE' your happiness, self worth, self respect and love with someone who is emotionally healthy.. but it starts with YOU getting yourself there first.. and this can ONLY be done by YOU, for YOU, on YOUR OWN..with understanding and caring from family and close friends..and yes all of us here on the site.

 

I know you are hurting, but be sure to remember you "love" who you "thought and hoped' he COULD BE... but try to concentrate on who he really has "revealed" himself to be.. and that guy is NOT worthy of any more of your attention or energy.. save that for YOURSELF right now... breathe, pray, cry, heal, laugh, let go and let god.