PLEASEEE...desperate need of HELP!

[lovehurtz]

The “Hello”

Hello all, I’m kinda new to this site and I was hoping some of you can help me. It is quite a tough decision on my part though I’m hoping some of you may be able to help me. My friends are doing the best they can but this is one of the situations they can’t completely understand this situation and I think you will find out why.

 

“The Background”

I just got out of a relationship a few years ago that I am still “healing” from and I don’t want to become a part of another one though I like this guy at high-school. I like him a lot and I know that he likes me a lot but I also know that this is only high-school and things are most probably not going to last. Though I am extremely practical, my emotions tend to get the best of me, even though, I know I’m setting my self up for a heart failure one day. Hahaha. This is one of those times.

 

“The Problem”

Well, I come from an extremely orthodox family and they have submitted me to arranged marriage. When they found out that I was dating a guy for a few years [the one who I’m still getting over], they got me a one-way ticket to Pakistan and sent me to get married. Of course, relatives considered other wise and decided to give me one more chance. I do NOT agree with this ritual or tradition at all and do not plan on following it, even if it comes down to running away. If my family truly loved me, they would try to act in my happiness rather than to save some dying tradition.

 

The thing is…no matter how much I hate this arranged marriage submission, I have to live with it till I am old enough to live on my own. Like I said, I am extremely practical and I know that I need their money for college and I plan on going to Yale…I think I can get in because states view GPA at a 4.0 level and I have a 4.73 because of the college courses I am taking along with my other classes. I can probably qualify for many scholarships [being a hardworking minority] and survive but for now, I need to hold on to what I’ve got.

 

“The Situation”

Now, I really like this guy at school and he likes me too. In fact, he has liked me and has refused to go out with another girl for about 3 years now. I feel bad because I never liked him but I do now. The thing is…even though we are not dating…we still talk, and I feel like we’re dating. I also know that I always get caught when doing this because my parents dig through my room, my book bag, my purse…etc. and being a teenager, I’m sure to leave hints around. I REALLY REALLY like this guy but I do not LOVE him like I did my ex-boyfriend. I was willing to be sent back to Pakistan for him…which I did and I don’t regret it. But this guy…is not worth that.

 

When I started liking him, a month ago, we started talking and becoming closer…and I just am scared of getting caught because the “means do not justify the ends”. I don’t think ruining my future is worth getting cute little “like” temporarily. But emotions are strong. He has met this other girl who he adores very much [though he does not admit it]…but he has told me that if he wasn’t so in love [haha…rightttt..] with me, he would go out with her.

 

“The Fear”

I am sick of this guilt I’m carrying around and constantly being afraid of the future and I just want to get rid of this guy and my feelings for him. I’m going to tell him exactly what I wrote over here [minus the ex-boyfriend part…unless it comes up] and hopefully he’ll understand. I also do not want to talk to him for quite a period of time afterwards to get over him because telling him to “end” whatever we have and persistence in talking to him is a set-up for me liking him more. I’m scared he is going to start going out with this other girl.

 

“The Question”

What should I do? Should I break the news to him in person [he has some background of the arranged marriage and psychotic parents deal] or on the phone? Should I just get over it…or what…even though he may go out with this other girl… I mean…this must be hard for you guys to answer because this is me breaking up with a person that I don’t want to break up with. Haha, most of what I’ve seen deals with broken dumpees or guilty dumpers…but imagine how hard this is for me.

[lovehurtz]

oh and after saying that i want to end it all...i don't want to change my mind...because, i would be putting him an extremely unfair and uncomfortable position...but i mean, can you understand why it would be natural to want to change your mind because...what you're doing is for the future...not for yourself..?

[robowarrior]

Arranged marriages are stupid because they rob you from your God given freedom of free will to decide for yourself who you want to be with. If anything you should make a rally of thousands of girls and make a protest march against this state of rediculousness as there are many more like you who don't agree with it, but your voice will never be heard if you don't stand up against it.

 

However if you aren't strong enough to stand up against it, i say leave your family, and flee to a freedom loving country in Europe or America, you will find a lot more support with womans groups(you have to find them) in Western Countries then old fashionate religiously misguided backward going countries like Pakistan, you don't have to follow these silly traditions. Its no different then a cow that's being brought unvoluntarily to its slaughter. Flee while you can.