Ah, too many women in the office

[dontknowwhattodo]

I work for a company that has many women and because of that I decide at frist to socialize with them only professionally (you will know why in a bit). For example, I say hi, how are you, and bye to coworkers not in my department and may be a bit more to others in mine and a few people whom I am close to. If there is something about work, I will then talk more. I go to lunch alone (unless it is work-related lunchoen, which I will join) because I don't like waiting for half an hour for everyone to get ready and I like to go a little early to avoid the crowd at the cafeteria.

 

Culture of the company is strange. Some people (like myself and some in my department) have so much responsibility and work so hard, while others can just show up in the office, litterally don't have to do anything but walk around in the office gossipping all day. A lot of time they make loud noise and tease each other, sometimes they shout. A coworker who sits next to me is often on her personal phone calls (using office phone, of course) to order cakes/cookies, talk to her mechanic, call her husband, check up her grown up son, call her firends to schedule a get together, call her maid, call her broker, call her doctor, etc., you get the picture. That is annoying but I will just close my office door if I really need to concentrate with my work. Mind you that in my culture, closing office door may be considered 'rude' to some people. At the end of the month, we all get paid and at the end of the year, everyone passes performance evaluation. sigh.

 

Just recently someone whom I am close to told me that others have said something about me not socializing (e.g., not gossipping or not going to lunch with them - they never ask anyway). I am happy the way I am and I think it is better this way. I have a lot of work to do and I don't like gossip. How do I deal with this?

[annie24]

Just recently someone whom I am close to told me that others have said something about me not socializing (e.g., not gossipping or not going to lunch with them - they never ask anyway). I am happy the way I am and I think it is better this way. I have a lot of work to do and I don't like gossip. How do I deal with this?

 

Just say that you like to keep your work life and your private life separate and don't want the two to mix. I mean, I would say hi to your coworkers and maybe engage in a bit of chatter, something like, "hey - did you watch that episode of Desperate Housewives last night?" but I think you are right in not gossiping and working when you are supposed to, instead of calling everyone and their mother.

 

good luck

[IntoTheFire]

Yeah, life is pretty funny like that. It's irritating how you can blatantly see how little work a person does or how much time they spend doing nothing, but you know that at the end of the month they're getting the same/more/less wages than you, when it is undeserved.

 

Girls can be like that though, gotta love us, eh? We all, myself very much included, have days where you'll talk about everything from who's-sleeping-with-who, who-dumped-who and who's-sooooo-pregnant to tv shows and the kids.

 

I think a huge amount of girls could strike up a conversation in an empty room. It's just the way we tend to be. Guys seem to be alot more reserved and stuff (unless maybe they're in a big crowd of other guys).

 

I really wouldn't swap being a girl for the world though, I love it.

 

As annie24 said, try finding a common ground with these people at work. Maybe you can have a bit of a laugh with them over whatever you want, and find you're more in touch with their personalities than you think.

[annie24]

I have to say, men can be like that too! I have sometimes been in the situation when I am trying to work, and all the men are chatting away about something, and being loud. So it's not just women!

[dontknowwhattodo]

oh yeah, there are some guys in that crowd as well.

 

But given the situation with my work and personal life, I still wanna reincarnate as a guy.

[sweetheart21]

Hey there, it sounds like your work is VERY important to you. I have a friend like that. He refuses to have a gf because he thinks it will interfer with his work

 

You have to understand that other people are human - they like having fun, talking to each other, and sometimes have personal calls to make. I cant imagine that you have never made a personal call at work.

 

If they are not doing their job and it is in someway effecting you then of course you should say something. But if it isnt effecting you then you should just leave it or everyone will get very upset with you.

 

Would you like to socialize with them but just dont know how? Or are you happy with how it is now? Cuz if your happy then just ignore their gossiping.

[Siriana]

Sounds like my last job - in an gouverment (county) office (I worked for the city I lived in).

People have a lot of extra time, they do the very same things people in your office do....

If you don't socialize - they don't like you.

If you socialize - they make gossips about you.

Act the way you feel comfortable. Whatever you choose is not the best way, so choose what you feel is right.

When people have a lot of free time on work, they start to talk and to gossip .... irritating but can't be avoided.

[Psylocke]

I can relate and I am female! We have a couple real talkative ladies in our office and it bugs the living {mod edit} out of me. While I'm busy doing MY work they expect me to do theirs too. I refuse to pick up their slack now (I used to when I was first hired) and they are pretty nasty with me.

 

Yes you have to socialize in order to be accepted and to make friends but they should limit the times when it's not during break periods. Everyone has to get up from their desk for 5 mins just to de-stress and make quick chatter to the person in cube or office next door, or at the watercooler.

[dontknowwhattodo]

I do chat to others when I take a break, when I meet them at the pantry and bathroom, or when I make my coffee or at the watercooler. It's just that I don't stay for an hour chatting. Usually it will be a quick chat like a few minutes. I agree that we are human creatures and we need to socialize. The situation in my office is just way too much. Some people serve some juice/cake/whatever to their bosses on their expenses just to be good in the bosses' books in order to pass performance evaluation at the end of the year (I am not in the states). The situation just amazes me how we run business.

[charley]

You can never have to many women at work, IMO. I work at a place where 90% of the employees and about 66% of management are women. Probably 80% of the customers are women too.

 

I love it, but then I like women, well most women. If a guy didn't like women, then it could be a rough place to work. We've had a guy or two work there in the past who didn't like women. Those guys were always unhappy, they made the women unhappy, and the women eventually chewed them up and spit them out and they were not able to continue working there. Bear in mind that most management there are women too. So those guys eventually got the boot and rightly so.

 

I'm lucky I like most women, 'cause most of them like me in return. I love going to work and seeing everyone.