Please Help

[martial]

Hi all,

 

well after a 7 year relationship we broke up 5 weeks ago. I do not want to be back with her I just feel betrayed cause she told me we were breaking up cause she wasnt happy with who she was and that she needed to find herself. and she couldnt do that being with me or anyone else. and now she has a new guy. Who by the way is 4 years younger(I am 27 she is 26 and the new guy is 22) Rebound maybe? (She said he is very in touch with his emotions and gives her emotional support to which she is attracted. She even said its weird cause he isnt her type of guy?) She fel obligated to tell me he has stayed oer at her house for the last 3 nights but they have only kissed and cuddled. She assures me they havent had sex) She wants to take it slow and went so far to even say to me that she doent even know what it is and where is will go but she does like him alot.)

She says I am important to her and she want me to be her friend. She does still care about me and she says she will always love me and they we will always have a connection.

 

But I cant turn her off.....I feel so rejected and betrayed and that I wasted 7 years for someone I thought I knew and turns out I dont know her at all..

 

How do I just forget abut her and put her outta my head. I am doing NC but her thoughts consume me..

 

Any advice?

[martial]

I am also scared that I will not find another person who I good have the connection and comfort with as her..(When we were good it was amazing)

 

is this typical?

[mitch17]

try getting another female friend or go out and get a girlfriend to replace her. it just takes time i guess

[KileOriginal]

Ah man...

 

I'm not going to lie to you. You're going to be eaten alive by this, its just going to kill you.

 

Key points you need to remember:

1. Right now you feel like nothing. You don't see yourself being happy again or being able to find somebody else or being able to get over her. No matter how hard it is to believe, you can, and you will.

2. While she may make it look easy she has to be going through alot of inner emmotional turmoil herself, no matter what she says. You hold your ground, don't feel obligated to try to comfort her in anyway, and just know that your not the only one suffering through this.

3. It's totally messed up that she's telling you about a guy she's involved with. You may be curious, but don't bite, don't let her tell you about what she's doing. A: knowing only makes it harder on you. B: by not being interested in who she's involved with it makes her question her choice, where as if you panicked at her with another guy it only reaffirms her suspicion that she can do better.

4. No matter what you do, keep your dignity. It's hard to explain, but as best as you can, before you do anything ask yourself the questions "is this course of action befitting somebody who has alot of self respect?"

 

I really wish there was something I could tell you to make things better, but there just isn't. It's hard. The only thing you can do is try to keep a cool level head, and possibly when your calm and not emmotional, try to figure out what happened so you can know for the future more about yourself.

 

I'm not saying there is no hope for you guys or anything like that. But no matter what, you just need to stay calm and try to come to terms with things as best you can.

 

Good luck to you man.

[Siriana]

Hi all,

She said he is very in touch with his emotions and gives her emotional support to which she is attracted.

She even said its weird cause he isnt her type of guy?

She fel obligated to tell me he has stayed over at her house for the last 3 nights but they have only kissed and cuddled.

She assures me they havent had sex

but she does like him alot

she want me to be her friend.

Any advice?

 

Yes, why are you listening to that crap?!

 

 

 

Get yourself together.

She's oversteping your boundaries right now and using you as emotional crutch.

She has a new guy and she uses you like her journal!

She's not really smart, to tell you the truth, because she should know these are not the things you say to your ex.

Also she should know how when you brake up, that means you can't use the person you dumped to be by your side.

 

Since she doesn't know that, you need to be a "normal" one and stop that nonsense.

 

 

 

NC, otherwise you will never get over her.

She'll keep you as a person to lean on forever.

[blender]

I am also scared that I will not find another person who I good have the connection and comfort with as her..(When we were good it was amazing)

 

is this typical?

 

Yes it's "typical" and it's also a TEMPORARY FEELING, it is in NO way a FACT.

 

You miss who you "hoped and thought" she could be in your life.. she has revealed that she is NOT capable of being this wonderful woman in a long term sense, she is growing, changing, and learning about herself. Her behaviors are about HER right now, they are not about YOU. So try not to take them personally... you're going to be okay, even better, once you walk through the emotional cement of "acceptance" and build your own self respecting muscles and find a woman who will SHARE your values/standards for a relationship.. right now this girl is NOT capable of giving YOU what YOU need/deserve from a loved one in your life.

 

And "syrix" is right, the MOST powerful thing you can do right now for your own healing, and your own self respect is to maintain NO CONTACT...