I promised myself that it wouldn't upset me...

[Fruit Smoothie]

All right. Where to begin? I guess I'll start off by saying that I've been with my boyfriend for about five months now. He's never been into porn (or at least, doesn't appear so to me...no Hustlers or Playboys lying around), but does like cars, and gets a lot of the car/truck magazines. Of course, these magazines are just chock-full of girls in itsy-bitsy bikinis, but it never bothered me before. Even though I acknowledge the fact that he most likely appreciates the way the girls look, I know he gets the magazines for the car/truck aspect of them alone.

 

But a few weeks ago, I noticed that there were a few of these magazines underneath the sink in his bathroom. I once more didn't think much of it, and figured it was probably for "bathroom reading" if you catch my drift, lol. Tonight, while I was at his house, my boyfriend was in the shower and I was lying on his bed. I noticed that the same magazines he had underneath his sink before were now lying on his dresser. I was bored and so I picked one up to read. Imagine my surprise when a couple of his own "inserts" - pictures of more girls in bikinis, ripped out from other magazines - fell out.

 

It stunned me. And irritates me, because I've always told myself (and my boyfriend as well) that I wouldn't care if he happened to look at stuff like that/porn, because I didn't think it would upset me. I guess I always figured that he wouldn't look anyway, which is naive, I suppose? Now I'm also wondering if he possibly had the magazines in the bathroom to use as assistance while he...you know. It's got me feeling jealous and insecure. I wasn't sure whether or not to bring it up to him, and decided not to. Now I don't know what to do - should I just zip my lips, and act as if nothing is wrong in front of my boyfriend? And some advice on how to accept the knowledge that my boyfriend looks at other girls in a sexual manner...(yes, I've realized before that he must, but it was never this in-my-face before) would help. Thanks for any suggestions/words of wisdom/advice.

[run_little_rabbit]

If you do a search of the forums, you can find a ton of other posts on this.

But, I had the same thing happen, where I knew he enjoyed porn, but didn't realize the extent of it. When I first realized the extent of his collection, it freaked me out.

 

You could let him know that it bothers you, but do not ask him to stop looking at it. It has nothing to do with you! The porn was around before you were. It isn't a new development, so it doesn't affect the way he feels about you. It took me about a month to realize that myself.

 

Just give it time...

[BetterKarma]

I wouldn't classify pictures of girls in bikinis porn.

 

I also wouldn't be too upset even if it was porn. It's natural/common and I would say most men have a collection of porn.

 

Like I said in previous posts, as long as it doesn't affect your relationship (i.e. prefers porn over sex with you) then just let it be.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

This is why you should ALWAYS set the score before this even becomes an issue.

 

As soon as my BF and I became serious, I told me I had many more moral objections to porn than I could write a book about.

 

He respected that because he loves me.

 

And guess what...I'm enough for him!

 

General Points-

 

Porn isn't harmless.

 

It isn't "natural". Porn is to sex what Macdonalds is to food, just as sick, toxic and perverted.

 

Porn is sex stripped to crude, bear and....just, URGH basics.

 

Fair enough if men and women are prepared to get paid to be in it. If they want to sell what should be precious to them, fair play. Their own...ignorance? No...their own good luck, they get to feel fine about something awful. Thats always enviable...

 

But no WAY should any person, male or female, think they should just have to accept it. You don't. Men, women or children do not NEED it. It isn't a basic human right.

 

I'm crying over this, and don't understand why people don't see it as the social disease it is.

[rebeccaapple]

In reponse to 'Anti Love Superstar' - I'm not sure they "feel fine about something awful". A lot of women who take part in porn are in desperate situations, and are taken advantage of by a predominantly male industry. But then, the feminist issue is my only objection to pornography.

 

If it was me, I'd mention it to my boyfriend. Hiding your feelings never seems to work.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Um...its obvious that female pornstars are often exploited! I only wanted to cover ALL basses, cos im sure t here are some women who like being in it too!