I'm so nervous and excited at the same time!

[lonely_me]

This may not make sense if you haven't read my ranting and whining in the past, but I am finally feeling somewhat good. Like I've said on my previous posts, my husband and I began seeing a psychologist and that started to help things, until the semester started and he went back to school. Then things kinda fell apart again.

 

Yesterday, our psychologist recommended that I leave for a while. I'm going to go stay with my parents for a month. The reason this was recommended was I've always lived in very warm, tropical climates and now all of the sudden I'm dealing with below 0 temperatures. He thinks that between the low thyroid, possible Seasonal Affective Disorder, possible Adjustment Disorder, etc. I just have too much to deal with right now to be able to handle everything going on in my marriage.

 

I'm leaving next week, on the 7th, and I'll get to spend an entire MONTH in nice, warm weather. I'll get to go to actually go to my office (rather than working from home), spend tons of time with my family, see my friends, do all the things I did before we came up here to the middle of no where.

 

At the same time, I'm so nervous about what this will do to my marriage. My husband is being supportive, and I think maybe he might be a little relieved because I know dealing with me and my unhappiness has really been frustrating him. I still feel like I'm running away from my problems, but everyone around me is telling me that I'm not. That, if anything, I'm just running away from the weather.

 

Is it awful that I'm excited to be getting away from my husband for a while? I don't know. In addition to looking forward to getting back to my old life, I'm also looking forward to seeing what happens when I come back home. Will he appreciate me more after being here without me? Will he want to spend more time with me after being away from me for a month? I really really hope so. I'm crying as I write this, though, because part of me is really worried that he will be better off on his own. Yeah, he'll go back to eating crackers and cheese for every meal like he did before we got married, but maybe he'll appreciate the peace and quiet. Maybe he'll see that I'm just a nuisance or something. I don't know. I'm all mixed up, but I know this is something I need to do for myself. I've spent the past 6 months completely ignoring my own needs, and it hasn't done a single thing for my marriage.

 

Thanks for listening again.

[herewegoagain]

In the long run, it is a good idea what you are doing. The way I would look at it is this way: If it is meant to be, then a month away from each other is no big deal.

 

Also, I'm sure you two will keep in touch, so you can still stay "close" to each other.

 

Good Luck.

[ghost69]

it sounds like a break is in order. i don't think it is related to weather. maybe you are having attachment problems from being away from your hometown. you might just be driving him nuts somehow. i used to feel smothered by my ex. we would take a break, and then i would miss her again and ask her to come stay over again. a month off might make both of you feel better about being together or realizing that you are better off without each other. nobody on here can say for sure. most people don't want their marriage to end. everyone always thinks they will never meet somebody else again and it's a hard toll to take. you need to be away and look at the situation outside of the box. it is always more comfortable to stay with somebody for the wrong reasons because the thought of being single again is unbearable. you need to be away and think. it will help the both of you. don't worry so much about how is going to feel after. work on yourself and how you feel first.

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[caro33]

This sounds like a real watershed time for your relationship doesn't it? I imagine it's a bit scary. But it did look like many of the other 'solutions' weren't working, so why not?

 

Given the difficulties you've been experiencing recently I think some time out sounds like a great idea. You get to separate yourself enough to rediscover what makes YOU happy, separate from the relationship. If you can feel better from reconnecting with people and having better weather, why not? (again ) Why not look forward to it?

 

It would seem to me that this might just be what you need to break out of the cycle you guys have been in. It gives him time to miss you and have some space from any frustration he's felt, it gives you time to feel less distressed about it all and reconnect with what turns you on in life (besides him).

 

If it doesn't work you can always go home as well.

 

Good luck!