Massari Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I am giving creadit to one of our great members "Charley" he actually suggested about me posting my first little poem! here.. thank you man Women are roses with sharp thorns Women are roses with sharp thorns The tighter you hold them the more you bleed The more the pain In my never ending quest for love i learned you pay a heavy price for love Pain and heardache Maybe it wasn't true love that I found as I heard true love finds you and it's blind and takes that pain away... Link to comment
gfein347 Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 I really, really like the metaphor in the first stanza. Perhaps you could insert another stanza after the first one to connect your two ideas? Well done! Keep writing! Link to comment
luvursmile Posted January 30, 2007 Share Posted January 30, 2007 Hey Massri, nice words! Whatever happened with that girl you met at the club? Link to comment
Massari Posted January 30, 2007 Author Share Posted January 30, 2007 Hey Massri, nice words! Whatever happened with that girl you met at the club? oh her.. nothing yet.. we're just friends..she wasn't my type Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted January 31, 2007 Share Posted January 31, 2007 Really good i liked it. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted February 2, 2007 Share Posted February 2, 2007 Great poem, soo creative. True it must suck getting hurt, but that's what you risk whenever you're in a relationship (the only way of not risking that would be dying as an old man/woman with no experience but that would be boring). If you do get smash to pieces, do remember that you can get up from the floor and walk away smiling at the same time. Link to comment
charley Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 I've only got past the thorns to the rose once. So long ago, it seems like a dream. Was it a dream? Are roses real, or an illusion? The thorns are real. That I know as I'm wounded. Could it be that women are all thorns, and the rose just a fantasy? An illusion? If roses are real, are they worth the bleeding from the thorns? I wonder. I'll probably never know. I'm tired of trying to find out. I wanted a family someday. Not likely. I regret not having a woman, but I reget not having kids more. If I could adopt, I think I'd be happy to have kids and forget women as a bypassed step. However, no single man can adopt. So because women reject me, I can never have kids either. All I ever wanted from a woman was for her to treat me as good as I treat her. No way is that ever going to happen. So far, not even close. All I can do now, is swallow my tears and try to find the strength to go on. I need a reason to live and get up each morning. Well, I guess I'll have to get that from my jobs. I started a new project tonight. So there's my reason for living, literally. When that project is finished in a few weeks, I'll start another. I'll live project to project for the rest of my life. When I retire, what to live for then? I guess I'll just keep working till I die. No reason to go home. Don't want to be home alone. I've given up on women, and thereforeeee on children, except to share my nieces and nephews with my family. Life wasn't supposed to be like this. I'm trying not to give on on life too. Link to comment
Massari Posted February 9, 2007 Author Share Posted February 9, 2007 I've only got past the thorns to the rose once. So long ago, it seems like a dream. Was it a dream? Are roses real, or an illusion? The thorns are real. That I know as I'm wounded. WOW this part has really touched me..Sometimes poetry really make other ppl feel your pain. I know exactly how you feel. me and you are the sensitive type of guys and the roses. Link to comment
charley Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Roses wilt and their petals fall off. Thorns last forever. Link to comment
charley Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Masari, may I give a poety tip? In a poem, you want your similies and metaphors to be announced as reality. thereforeeee, don't use the word "like". Omitting that word strengthens the reality of your simily or metaphor. For example: "Women are like roses with sharp thorns." The word "like" announces it's a metaphor instead of actual reality. If you said "Women are roses with sharp thorns" the word "like" is omitted and thereforeeee, you are announcing it as reality. It's still a metaphor, but now it's a stronger because you've stated it as a literal reality, which shows and evokes much stronger emotion. A poem, or title of a poem, should never contain the word "like". Also, the fewer words used to communicate each thought or emotion, the better, IMO. i.e. - unnecessary words weaken the necessary ones by diluting them. That's just my untrained, instinctive opinion. I'm not educated as a poet. I write on instinct. My education is business, technical, and history, not poetry. Whatever poetic talent I have, if any, is purely instinctive. Normally, my poems are of a comedic or flirtatious nature, or ideally a combination of those. The 2 poems I've entered in this thread are painful, but that's how I feel now. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Charley, nice poem. You're a good writer. Hope you'll be ok. Link to comment
charley Posted February 9, 2007 Share Posted February 9, 2007 Now I'm off to do research for my next local political battle. My father (real estate developer and owner of senior assisted living buidlings) delegated me to be in charge of it. So I'm not assisting, I'm running it and making the decisions. It's great because now I can go fight for a good cause (health issues for seniors and children in our area) and have the pleasure of verbally kicking some butts and outsmarting opponents, public debating, research, and writing persuasion letters that are a combination of persuasion and technical writing (technical issues involved). That's the perfect project for me right now because I'm in a mood to fight. Not as a bully of course, but as defending and promoting the issues will require. I know I'll be verbally attacked and I'm looking forward to some good battles and debates. I had my first one at city hall last night. Not with city hall, but in front of them. Loved it. I won, so loved it all the more. I think city hall is tentatively in support of my side after first debate. Now to go clinch it over next 2 weeks. So I don't need women anymore for a while and won't be thinking about them at all. I've got more important issues and projects related to public health to concern myself with, and I'll be enjoying being in charge, doing research, persuavive and tech writing, and most of all I love the debates. I've shifted gears now from sobbing over women, to project immersion and enjoying a good fight, or series of fights for a good cause. Link to comment
AnotherBrokenDoll Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 wow Charley, that was amazing! It really was. I'm so sorry to hear your story though. Sometimes women (myself admitedly included) don't realise the pain they put people through. I'm not just talking about love here. But then i guess it isn't just women its the human kind. We all take things for granted, all screw up, all hurt others and all get hurt. Massari, I really enjoyed your poem. It hurts so much to be * * * * *ed by the thorns over and over again. Not all women are full of thorns, there are roses without thorns to you know. I guess just remember that and don't judge one woman on what another has done. Although i know that is hard sometimes. My advice (though that of a 15 year old proboly isn't that great), never give up, never give in. Just because some have hurt you, it doesn't mean that others will. You've proboly broken hearts to without realising it. So just be careful. On the same note though, live for more. Don't live to find a woman, live to be who you are. Sometimes when you aren't looking the best things happen. Thats said from experience to. So get out there, hang out with mates, laugh to much and die proud of what you've been. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 It hurts so much to be * * * * *ed by the thorns over and over again. Not all women are full of thorns, there are roses without thorns to you know. I guess just remember that and don't judge one woman on what another has done. Although i know that is hard sometimes. Right on, I agree. However a rose without thorn would be a doormat that has no voice at all. You gotta have at least a few thorns, it means that you can stand up for yourself and won't let anyone make decision for you or abuse you. At times thorns can serve as a warning, something like "Mess with me and you're out, it's over". Masari don't give up, just b/c you ended up in a rocky relationship doesn't mean the next one is gonna be like that too. Link to comment
charley Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 Oh well. What have I to complain about really? I'm reasonably healthy again, getting my strength back after having been sick lung infection 9 weeks, my energy level and stamina are returning. My knee doesn't hurt anymore. I'm not limping anymore. I'm back at work full time. I like my current project(s) very much because it's a good cause, exciting, and let's me work closely with some people and debate others. Still have my software manager job too (always will). Life without a woman is actually pretty good, as long as I don't think about lack of kids. I would have made a good husband and father. However, I can see that's not ever going to happen. I'm not to old to marry, but I'm nearly to old to be starting a family. I feel old. So probably to late. Well, I'll try to just concentrate on being a good citizen and a good uncle. That I can do. Link to comment
SoDone Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 actually, simile by definition always contains "like" or "as". i'm reminded of "my love is like a red, red rose" (a song, but often published as a poem) by the great Scottish writer Robert Burns. Link to comment
charley Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 actually, simile by definition always contains "like" or "as". i'm reminded of "my love is like a red, red rose" (a song, but often published as a poem) by the great Scottish writer Robert Burns. I'd like that better as, "My love is a red, red rose". It seems more literal to me, and thereforeeee more powerful and emotional. I realize that similes and metaphors often either contain or imply the word "like". However, by implying "like" rather than stating it, I think it's a more literal and stronger statement. Certainly in a poem, the poet is entitled to use poetic license. If I'm the poet, I'm omitting the word "like" so I can make a more literal, emotional, and powerful statement. Now I freely admit I'm not educated or trained as a poet. So the above is based solely on my opinion based on my instincts. To me, it's more powerful when it's more literal, and it's more literal when the word "like" is omitted. Just my opinion. If another poet feels differently, that's OK. Due to poetic license, we are each allowed to write as we think best. I understand that. So if anyone disagrees with my opinion, that's OK. To each our own. Link to comment
SoDone Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 i know where you're coming from; i've taken the word "like" out of a number of my songs and poems on second/third draft. my point was just that simile by its very definition contains a word like "like" or "as", and it is a universally acceptable device. remember the song "Love Is Like Oxygen"? that sold pretty well, lol. Link to comment
charley Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 i know where you're coming from; i've taken the word "like" out of a number of my songs and poems on second/third draft. my point was just that simile by its very definition contains a word like "like" or "as", and it is a universally acceptable device. remember the song "Love Is Like Oxygen"? that sold pretty well, lol. A simile by defintion contains or implies the word "like". Isn't that the case? i.e. - if the word "like" is left out, it's still implied. Right? Yet it's stronger when left out, IMO. Link to comment
SoDone Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 i remember being taught as a youngster that simile was the observation of a similarity (hence the similarity between "simile" and "similarity"), and that a direct correlation ("Juliet is the sun", for example) was metaphor. Mrs. Wilhelm was a senile old crone, though. i guess we could google up... edit: here we go; this is pretty much how it was run down to me: First, let's make sure you know the difference between simile and metaphor. A simile compares two unlike things (similes overrun your story like ants), while a metaphor takes the risk of claiming that one thing IS something else (similes are ants, overrunning your story.) link removed Link to comment
charley Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 OK. I'm not an English or poetry expert. I only know what I like and why I like it based on instinct. It's a shame I didn't pay more attention in English and poetry in high school and college. However, I was focused on alegebra and other higher math, business, photography, computers, and girls. Focusing on that last subject (girls) was more a detriment and distraction to my education than anything. It sounds like you know more about the intricacies and technicalities of English than I do. So I'll assume you are completely correct in what you said above. Based on what you said, I prefer metaphors over similes because I think metaphors are more emotionally powerful. Link to comment
SoDone Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 thanks for the compliment, but i was only going by what some old biddy told me in the seventh grade. i agree with you that metaphor cuts a bolder swath. the greater subtlety and realism associated with simile, on the other hand, does have a place as the situation warrants... or at least i like to think so. Link to comment
charley Posted February 10, 2007 Share Posted February 10, 2007 thanks for the compliment, but i was only going by what some old biddy told me in the seventh grade. i agree with you that metaphor cuts a bolder swath. the greater subtlety and realism associated with simile, on the other hand, does have a place as the situation warrants... or at least i like to think so. I can't remember the 7th grade, much. Besides, I needed glasses that year and didn't have any yet. It was my English teacher that requested I get an eye test since I could never see the black board. So I missed a lot in 7th grade English. Anyhows, that's a LONG time ago to me now. Hard to remember details from then. You're right though, the word "like" (simile) has it's place. I like to say "seems like a dream" because if I said "it is a dream" that would confuse my meaning. So yes, there are occasions to include "like" to create a simile in a poem. Generally, I prefer the stronger association of the metaphor without the word "like". Link to comment
Massari Posted February 10, 2007 Author Share Posted February 10, 2007 Focusing on that last subject (girls) was more a detriment and distraction to my education than anything. This is something I did too.. soo much disctractions that I did terrible last year in my university. Link to comment
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