Am I the bad guy?

[Chisama]

I had just came from a meeting and i was left feeling like I wasted someone else's time.

 

My roommate and I have been getting along for sometime. Her friends were over while my friend and I were working on a movie. They were very noisy singing songs 3:00 in the morning! I found it very inconsiderate at the fact that my friend and I were trying to get our work done and the ladies didn't notice that it was late and they were not outside but indoors @ night.

 

I thought to myself, "The next time this happens I am going to tell the to 'LEAVE'!"

However, as much as I thought of them as being rude I wasn't going to act like them. So I asked my RM after all of the company had left, "Does your company know when to leave?"

She said she didn't know. I felt as if she didn't know how to control her company. I left the conversation at that and got back to work. Within seconds she was out like a log. I didn't finish until 7am. Because of me being tired I didn't go to class today.

 

Later, I wanted to confront my RM but not the way I thought I should act, so I went to the RA to asked for help so that I wouldn't be so blunt in my actions. But I needed to drop off my notebook bag. As I was about to turn the key, i noticed the door was already unlocked. My RM was nowhere in the room. (come to find out she was doing laundry around the corner)

My RM states that it is and INCONVIENCE to lock the door. ARE YOU SERIOUS?

It was then that I went to the RA and explained my purpose for being there and the door issue.

 

The meeting went like this:

RA: (States everything I told her to my RM about her company.)

My roommate claimed they were loud but that they did quiet down after I asked. This was true.

But then I stated that they got loud again and this time they were singing out loud. I kept saying there was nothing wrong with that, but NOT AT 3AM!!!!

The RA thought I was sleep during that time and I had to explain to her what my friend and I was working. We couldn't concentrate. I had asked if they could take their cd's and go to the lobby where there is more room. But because our room is so comfortable everyone migrates to this place (So says the RM).

 

I had just found out that 3 out of the 4 girls that come to my room have no other RM's SO WHY DON'T THEY HANG OUT THERE! I'M THE ONE THAT IS BEING PENALIZED FROM THIS!

 

My RM feels betrayed that I would go to the RA. But I explained to her what I was feeling and I felt that I should asked someone higher to help me with the situation. Yet when I went in there it was like, I was the bad guy.

 

About the lock on the door. The RA just said just lock the door. Simple. To my RM and we had to explain to her why, AGAIN. I told her last semester about this!

 

In the end, they still want me to talk more to my roommate. I didn't want to be blunt and just tell her friends to "Get Out!" due to frustration. I thought I was doing us a favor but instead... I ended up being the bad guy.

 

We agreed to having company before 1am. Afterwards they should either quiet down, "YEAH RIGHT!" or go somewhere else (NOT GOING TO HAPPEN). She is locking the door. So that's a start. Other than that, I don't see there really being a change..... TO BE CONTINUED.

 

Really.... do you think I did the right thing?

[robowarrior]

In short: that's the risk that you have with having a roommate.

 

You can go into the ' im right she's wrong' attitude, but you have to understand its not about being right or wrong. Its the previous choice you made to share the room with a mate, you did this because of the financial benefits, but you totally disregarded the downsides. The parties and room being unlocked are examples of that. The answer? Getting an place of yourself free from noise and neighbours would be the answer, you'd also wouldn't have the risk anymore of anyone leaving the door open other then yourselves. However the financial aspect would be much more burdensome.

 

So you see you have to make concessions towards either one or another situation.

 

It was wrong to go around her back. First you try policy, then you try measures. Its an unncessary action to 'immediately' make your roommate into an enemy. Because there's also something called the law of reasonability. If you would sit and try to discuss you could at least say to yourself ' i tried to be reasonable' you can't say that now, because even she was having a party late at night, you never discussed with your roommate on what was allowed or not, and that leaves the door open for any kind of astrocities to take place. And it is said that the only thing that is needed to let evil into your life, is doing nothing at all against it. So in the future make agreements on everything instead of backstabbing which you did. Your feelings of righteousness have nothing to do with it, because you had needed to make this discussion with her before it happened.

 

Now you are having an argument because things went into chaos because nothing was arranged. So in the future ,if you arranged things and then she goes out of boundry then you have all the right to show your righteous feelings and step towards the landlord. And even then, first i would go with a warning, before stepping towards a landlord.

 

Use these measures(and you can still use them now its still not to late) to make sure such a thing doesn't happen any more in the future.

[pinballwizard]

You're both in the wrong. Your Roommate for allowing your "guests" (I hessitate to call them that) to act like that so late at night (or early in the morning) while you had work to do. But you are at fault for not having the courage to face your Roommate about the issue directly.

 

Of couse, my opinion about the guests and there music depends entierly on what music they were playing. What were they playing?

[Chisama]

To RoboWarrior I want to appologize for not explaining that I have been living with the same young lady for already 1 semester (4months) and this is the second semester. At the beginning, we made a room agreement. We have a study time and a quiet time. We even have times when we have to clean the room. No boys/men are allowed to sleep over AT ALL and if she wants to have sex, make sure I am out of the room (I told her this at the beginning before all of this started. She did it anyway. I reported it.) unfortunately, she hasn't followed the contract since we agreed on it. We both signed it and she was the one that wrote the agreement. When she broke it I went to management. But I was wrong and i appologized, then and there at that time. I promised to her that I would talk to her next time something like this happened. Then when something did happened she refused to listen and we both got into an argument. I explained to her that why she couldn't (1. Leave the door unlocked and 2. why a larger number of guest after 1am is not fair to me.) I have valubles and I need sleep.

 

You are right about me moving out I have plan to commute or purchase a room somewhere on campus or elsewhere. I didn't have a choice in my room or my roommate. I didn't even know she would be a freshman. I'm a junior. The maturity levels are way off.

 

pinballwizard You are right. Even though I did tell my roommate and her guest 2-5 times to be quiet and to leave and go to the lobby, i should have used more force in my voice. I was asking politely and should have used more force. Also, I should have been more direct and told her not to have her company here late at night if they couldn't control their volume. I should have just said it out right. About the music, They were just singing random songs and whatever was on the radio. But the fact of the matter was that they were loud (like a parade or a stereo system on blast) and it was 3am.

 

Overall, I don't have confidence in management anymore and I feel that the next time I make my way to anyone's office, it will be when she reports me. I am not going to loose my mind, but I will not allow it anymore. either she follows the contract that i am still following or she moves.