Style of dress hurting me?

[Kevin T]

As long as you are... wiping your butt... then you have nothing to worry about.

 

So THAT is what I'm forgetting! Of course! No wonder I'm getting so many weird looks! lol

[Ellie2006]

Hey Kev, honestly, I think your looks are fine as is!

 

Maybe ditch the trench coat for now, though? I wouldn't want you to give up your idiosyncratic sense of style but if *YOU* think it separates you from the herd (and not in a good way), then why hold on to it?

 

Just a thought.

[Kevin T]

Interesting...

[cpc28655]

Hey Kev, honestly, I think your looks are fine as is!

 

Maybe ditch the trench coat for now, though? I wouldn't want you to give up your idiosyncratic sense of style but if *YOU* think it separates you from the herd (and not in a good way), then why hold on to it?

 

Just a thought.

 

See Kevin, I was right. And don't forget to wipe, lol.

[Ellie2006]

Hope I didn't offend, Kevin.

 

I am not necessarily saying that you should be a sheep and mindlessly follow the herd.

 

BUT if your ultimate aim is to appear more attractive to girls at your uni and if YOU independently have assessed that girls at your uni might consider your trench coat "too unique/too different," and hence your trench coat is hindering you from appearing more attractive to the girls at your uni, I guess I am saying perhaps you may have to sacrifice your trench coat for the bigger purpose (?) ...

 

Again, just my two cents. Sorry for picking on your trench coat. I personally have nothing against trench coats (I own one too, LOL) ... my only fashion pet-peeves are "too-loud prints" and "bow-ties" although some people, I admit, seem to pull it off very well ...

[charley]

Well I think trench coat is not for you age.

You can wear similar clothes but more appropriate for your age.

 

If God wanted you to wear a trench coat at your age, you'd be a missionary.

 

My generation doesn't know anything (at least I don't) about a trench coat and world of war craft, or being a thug. All I see when I see a young guy in a trench coat is either a weird computer nerd; a missionary boy if the shoes are black, shirt white; or a young guy dressing like an old man. Sorry, but that's what a guy, or likely a woman, my age is going to see.

 

Among other things, I am a professional computer nerd and I'm around those trench coated young guys often (and not a girl in sight) and I am well familiar with that look. I personally have not ever seen a young guy in a trench coat with a girl or woman. Not once EVER in my life. That says a lot.

 

I may look 28, but in some ways I think 38.

 

I really think that trench coat is girl repellent. No offense, but I do. It's girl repellent and woman repellant.

 

=======

 

Ignore my mention of my letterman's jacket. I don't think young guys where those, unless currently on a varsity sports team. Middle age (me, Adam Sandler, and guys that age) and older guys do wear them sometimes.

 

I never wear the same look to often, but when I do wear my letterman's jacket I know I'm dating myself as well over 30 because women friends my age and older tell me I look "handsome". That's a direct quote. My younger women friends all the way down to 18 (typically 18 to 23) told me I looked like a "handsome older man" in it. That's also a direct quote. Mmmph! Older huh? OK, I still like it and I look good in it, older or not.

 

However, that look probably isn't for you Kevin.

 

Also, my various looks I described are typcially appreciated by women 24 to 40 based on feedback I get. The occasional 23 year old gal likes to, but not usually.

 

So if you're going for young ladies from 18 to 23, then ignore half of what I told you, cause half my looks don't work for them.

 

However, I don't think any woman any age is going for the trench coat. That I firmly believe.

[Kevin T]

I see, charley.

 

Interesting.

[charley]

No offense intended. I'm just trying to encourage you to succeed. I'd love to know you got what you wanted. I'd be really happy for you.

 

I just think you might have to choose between your trench coat vs. improving your chances with women.

 

However, it's your choice and I respect that.

[Kevin T]

charley, please. Remember, I asked.

 

If I didn't want to hear your opinions, I would have not wasted my time posting a topic about it.

 

And how fair would it be to argue with someone whom I disagree with, when I was the one who asked in the first place.

 

So no worries.

[charley]

OK. Thanks Kevin.

 

I just wanted to emphasize the trench coat thing because I think ditching it would vastly increase your attractiveness to most women of any age, IMO.

 

However, I didn't intend to be disrespectful about it. I just think it's really important.

[Kevin T]

I sensed no lack of respect at all.

[Kevin T]

(I hate to double-post, but...)

 

I have considered going on missionary work, in fact.

 

Now. Generally speaking...

 

There are two types of people in this world; those who follow and those who lead.

 

How one dresses is an extension of who one is, as a person. So to change that is to change oneself. Not necessarily a bad idea in and of itself.

 

But to change simply because others lack sensibility or simply to appease others is a different story. That's akin to selling out. And to those who reject others solely based on their style of dress simply shows that they are not the right person. It can be likened to a "weeding out" process.

 

That is how I see it.

[caro33]

I have to say that this trenchcoat discussion has me in tears of laughter - charley you have a great way of expressing yourself.

 

Sorry Kevin but I am still with charley all the way here, and I think Ellie raises a good point. It comes down to what is more important maybe - your trenchcoat style or the ladies .

[Kevin T]

Sad, that people are so vain and judgmental...

 

But if that's how people are, then I guess I get to be the same. So it's time I got picky about what I look for in a female, too. I used to think I was picky, but I'm not actually. I'm pretty tolerant, in fact. Too much so. There is so much I could weed out, that I haven't yet. Hmm...

 

So, anything else I should be on the look out to change/alter? I am open to suggestions.

[caro33]

Sad, that people are so vain and judgmental...

 

Hmm yes, it's sometimes vanity but what's wrong with judgement? When used in a calm and "normal" sense (as opposed to being hyper-critical or cruel), it's vital.

 

Judging someone's sense of fashion is one tool we have at our disposal to immediately evaluate if we'll like them, if they're safe etc. To use an extreme example, if I rubbed myself with mud, threw on a garbage bag, mussed my hair and came up to you in the street would you react the same way as if I was neat and well dressed? You might assume I was going to ask you for money or hassle you if I was in my garbage bag, and you might want to avoid me. In my corporate attire you might want to engage more, you might ever want my phone number.

 

If the portion of the population that you want to engage with sees a dark trenchcoat as a symbol of an overly intense/brooding person, someone to avoid, that's just the way it is. I don't think this necessarily reflects badly on people, it's just their experience. So if you are choosing a style icon that is in fact most often associated with men that women don't want to engage with, you just have a greater challenge to overcome that. Or find a girl who loves dark trenchcoats.

[charley]

Judging someone's sense of fashion is one tool we have at our disposal to immediately evaluate if we'll like them, if they're safe etc. To use an extreme example, if I rubbed myself with mud, threw on a garbage bag, mussed my hair and came up to you in the street would you react the same way as if I was neat and well dressed?

Ya Kevin. Realisitically, would you still want to date her? Sleep with her? Marry her? When she's attired in garbage bag and mud? An extreme example to match her extreme example, but a valid example all the same.

[charley]

If you love your trench coat so much, then keep it and wear it occasionally. Just don't make it your uniform.

 

If you become a missionary, then wear the trench coat if it's appropriate when it's appropriate.

 

Also, if you see a girl in a trench coat, then you might be in luck and get to have a girl and your trench coat too. However, I wonder.... Would you be attracted to a girl in a trench coat? Interesting question, aye?

 

Are there any girls in trench coats? I honestly don't know since I've never personally seen one. However, that says a lot right there. I'm quite the girl and lady watcher. It's my first and oldest hobby. I don't only watch the good looking ones, I also give the interesting ones a look to, from curiosity if nothing else. I can't remember ever seeing a woman in a trenchcoat, except for senior women who wear similar things around here. In your age range, I never saw that.

 

Ahh, or should I say "awe", now I'm thinking back and getting nostaligic for spandex and mini-shirts. Women and young ladies are wearing more clothes again. What's wrong with the world today?

[Kevin T]

Okay, I see where you are coming from.

 

It comes accross negatively, being associated with a dark, gloomy mood. I get that. I'm not saying I agree, because it's a little silly, but I understand where you are coming from.

 

Makes sense.

 

It's the same as a girl who walks around in sweats everyday. She is presenting an image of herself to the public and the world that she doesn't want to be bothered to dress up just for school (or wherever she may be). I get that.

 

 

Well, I don't think that's the best example. I hardly look like that.

 

But it's true, I wouldn't date someone who walks around in sweats all the time. If she doesn't care about her appearance, then why the hell should I?!

 

 

If she was hot, then I would, if not, then no. I've seen girls wearing longer type coats. Some are good looking, some aren't. All depends on the rest of her.

 

The fact remains I don't want a female version of myself anyway. I don't want a girl dressing like a guy, nor do I think she would want a female version of herself either.

 

Nevertheless, I get your points. I don't fully agree, but it makes sense at least. It's a start.

 

It has also helped me to realize that it's okay for me to be staunch and picky about what I find attractive and what I don't. If others do it, then it's surely okay for me to do the same.

[caro33]

My friend wears a trenchcoat, she has a white one and one from her mother that a grey green. But this is the thing - the trenchcoat was in fashion for younger women not that long ago. In Australia at least.

 

But a young man in a black trenchcoat has a different effect.

 

It also depends what it's teamed with. If it's some mod/emo type who is scruffy perhaps the black trenchcoat is okay to the mod/emo scruffy girl. Depends on the circumstance, the girl population in question.

 

Agh I am sounding even more shallow than before. I also sound like I know what "the young people" do, which is kind of out of my range these days when it comes down to it. Was at a concert last night where my husband and I were quite possibly old enough to be the parents of the kids screaming around us. Oh well.

[Kevin T]

Well, I'm definitely not emo (never heard of "mod" before), so I'll consider carefully what you said.

 

Honestly, it makes sense to me.

 

The thing is, I'm attracted to positive, upbeat, friendly girls... not mean, dark, gloomy ones. So maybe that is the problem. Hmm...

[caro33]

Well, I'm definitely not emo (never heard of "mod" before), so I'll consider carefully what you said.

 

Honestly, it makes sense to me.

 

The thing is, I'm attracted to positive, upbeat, friendly girls... not mean, dark, gloomy ones. So maybe that is the problem. Hmm...

 

Here is mod

link removed)

 

Not sure why I associated mod culture with trenchcoats.

 

Yeah, maybe the girls you like assume you are not positive and upbeat b/c of elements of your dress, perhaps that's an issue. Look maybe you've also just had bad luck so far, we all have our quiet patches where we wonder what we are doing wrong.

[charley]

If she was hot, then I would, if not, then no. I've seen girls wearing longer type coats. Some are good looking, some aren't. All depends on the rest of her.

How could you possibly tell if she's hot when she's wearing a baggy trench coat? In one of those things who could tell?

 

It has also helped me to realize that it's okay for me to be staunch and picky about what I find attractive and what I don't. If others do it, then it's surely okay for me to do the same.

 

True, to a point. However, let's keep this in perspective, we're only asking you to leave the trench coat in the closet. We aren't asking you to wear makeup, get a perm, or do arobics hours a week to tighten up a female figure, or any of the arduous things women do to look as good as they can. All you have to do is leave a coat home.

 

You've got it a lot easier than the women. So I don't think it's fair to call them picky when what they want you to do is easy. What you want from them (looking hot) is a lot of grueling work for them.

 

So the ladies are not being picky. They are being easy going and generous since they're really only asking you to do one easy little thing. It's not like they want you to do arobics and palaties and be as fit as you'd probably like her to be.

 

So with all due respect, try to keep that in perspective. The women aren't picky. They're very easy on us guys.

 

Heck, the ladies even like me with one eyebrow, as long as I don't wear a trench coat.

[Kevin T]

Here is mod

link removed)

 

Not sure why I associated mod culture with trenchcoats.

 

Yeah, maybe the girls you like assume you are not positive and upbeat b/c of elements of your dress, perhaps that's an issue. Look maybe you've also just had bad luck so far, we all have our quiet patches where we wonder what we are doing wrong.

 

There's no such thing as "luck." That's an excuse people use to mask their failures. I don't believe in it.

 

Part of it is inactivity on my part, but I can't ignore the response here either, so there must be something to this.

 

(Still never heard of the mods though...) Oh well.

[Ellie2006]

Kevin,

Just my two cents but to answer your OP, no, I do not think your style of dress is hurting you; if anything, it will keep at bay the type of women for whom you've expressed no interest: vain and judgmental women who will discount you as a possible date due to the way you dress.

 

It's a win-win, the way I see it.

[Kevin T]

Can tell by her face. Plus, if she were as I am, it would be undone, showing her body.

 

I can do that. lol

 

It's not that hard to put on a little make up, dress nice (I do that, remember?) and do your hair. I don't want a woman to be all muscular and gross. Yech. A girl can be slim without being athletic. I am not an athlete, so I do not expect her to be.

 

I believe girls are picky. Quite. But it's their right to be. I never said it was horrible (I did say "sad", though... I think.)