what's wrong with my bf?

[a_hummingbird]

i've been dating my bf for more than 1 yr. we moved together a couple of months ago. before me, he had a gf for more than 6 yrs. he told me that they two broke up because they two were too different, e.g., the girl cares too much about money, but he doesn't. the girl moved to a different state after they broke up. they never met after that. a couple of months ago, i found that he was talking to her through IM. we fighted. he said he would not talk to her any more. but he lied. he is still talking to her through IM... i'm frustrated. is he cheating? does he still like her? do they two want to go back together? any suggestion appreciated.

[karvala]

It doesn't necessarily mean he's cheating, or wants to get back with her, but it does at the very least mean that if you asked him to do something (give up all contact with someone he spent a major part of his life with) that he felt unable to do, he also decided that it was easier (for him) to lie to you than tell the truth, which may say something about the relationship, but also says something slightly unflattering about his character.

 

If I were you, I would have it out with him in as calm, rational and relaxed fashion as possible (no easy task), and ask him exactly why he continued (i.e. did he feel unable to say goodbye to that part of this life at this time?), explain your fears (which are perfectly legitimate in the circumstances), and ask him what he is *honestly* going to do about it, and emphasise that you prefer an honest answer to the one that he expects you want to hear. And brace yourself.

[a_hummingbird]

Thanks for the reply. I talked to him after I found out he was talking to her. He said that the girl got a new bf, and he has a new gf - me, so it's ok to continue to be friends, talking to each other. I told him to be HONEST with me, asking him whether he wants to go back with his ex. He said he definitely does not want to go back with her b/c he doesn't want to go through the trouble again. However, I worry that they might talk to each other EVERYDAY through IM. They might also talk on the phone frequently. I really not sure what I should do. Should I leave him? I think I do love him.

 

We two started dating after they broke up for 6 months. Maybe he needs a LONGER time to get over a 6+ yr long old relationship?

[ghost69]

how did you find out he was IMing her? you spying? anyways, it is a form of cheating. i'd be mad if my gf was talking to her ex. i don't care about the subject. it is hard to have a significant other that talks to an ex. i would never date a girl that had this going on. obviously they have some kind of bond that they share that limits them from talking to you about whatever it is they talk about. i would never talk to an ex behind my gf's back. i think it is rude. i would discuss it further with him and let him know how much it bugs you. if he can't stop, you should find another. also, you said you think you love him...you don't. there is a difference between thinking and knowing.

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[pregnantkitty_1985]

Some dude said it best, "he's cheating on the relationship."