My feelings aren't reciprocated...

[Expression]

In the last few months I have really stepped up on hanging out with this girl I really like. Prior to this, our schedules were just incompatible, but thanks to the holiday season, we've been hanging out fairly often, and as a result, have grown closer and more comfortable around each other.

 

We have been hanging out exclusively though we haven't done anything like a couple (eg. holding hands). So it's been just a personal friendship basically. I have slowly increased my signals for liking her: gave her a gift last Christmas with a variety of things she liked, touch her shoulders casually, hit her head playfully, tickle her, etc.

 

Most recently, I took her to the beach, which I had promised earlier, but had taken a raincheck. It was ambitious, because we went to a specific beach which she mentioned, and I drove a great distance to get there and back. When we ran out of ideas on the way home, I pulled over and we spent a good deal of time just talking and playing around (nothing suggestive though). I'm sure I've sent strong signals by now, because I'm always the one to get physically close or playful. I've been waiting for her to come the remaining distance.

 

I'm pretty sure she realises I like her, and she once asked me directly during an extended online conversation. She said she likes me too, but wasn't sure whether it was the same way I felt about her. She also said she didn't want to lose me either.

 

She has a blog, and our little trip prompted an entry in her own language - which she knows I can't really read. I had it translated (she doesn't know) and it's left me feeling awkward...

 

...She said she has definitely been happy because of me, and she knows that I treat her well. However, the more I treat her well, the more she fears of the mistakes that'll emerge. She feels different about me but she doesn't know how to respond, nor does she want to hurt me...

 

She doesn't know I know this of course, so she's carrying on as her usual self, but I now know she is clearly anxious deep down about what may happen. It seems she feels guilty deep down for letting me spoil her so much, so much so that when I realise it, I'll be hurt.

 

Well I know unbeknownst to her and it has indeed left me feeling down. I always suspected she was just timid and less obvious because of her character, but it seems that she hasn't gone that extra distance I've waited for, for a reason...

 

I think I'm gonna reduce all the physical flirting and let her take any initiative from now. Maybe if I back away and be absent/lowkey for a while, she might come forward herself...? I don't wanna tell her I deciphered her blog entry because it will really make it awkward for the her.

 

It really sucks, because I've never felt so strongly about anyone ever. I really think I'm falling for her. She was on my mind for like a whole year, despite us only meeting up frequently towards the end. I really want to give her something for Valentine's Day, but after this, I don't know anymore. It seems empty to me now and she'll just get more anxious for the future...

 

:sad:

[puff.tm.dragon]

I hear ya. You try too much for too long and you get into that good friendship that they don't want to lose. I don't think doing more will help the situation.

[hey jo]

you ain't singled out for some tormenting bud. i have recently experienced the same thing, and now, i'm just trying my hardest to move on cos it seems like no matter what i do, no matter how much affection i show this person, i'll always fall off short, and well, i just realised that all my efforts were futile. but yeah, i totally understand where you're coming from, and i know it's hard as.

 

but i suppose it's hard on her part as well because maybe she feels that she can't return the same amount of effort that you put in. er, are you planning to talk to her about this?

[Expression]

Yeah, I know one shouldn't wait to long before trying to initiate a relationship, lest it falls into the friend zone. But I feel I've acted as fast as I could without it being direct. Our contact has increased exponentially only over the last few months. I didn't see her for 90% of last year, and we had met only a a few months earlier.

 

She's not the outspoken type who'd easily bring up emotional issues, so I see the awkwardness for her because she hasn't turned me down from anything and is probably feeling guilty, because it'll mislead me. And it's probably also because I've been making more time for her and doing things I'd rarely do otherwise (which is true, but I couldn't be happier than to come out of my shell and try different things with anyone but her).

 

So now that I know how she's feeling, I'm probably gonna reduce general contact ( She's been feeling uneasy from my spoiling her, so if I reduce this, hopefully she'll feel less guilty, but also detect my absense and come forward.

 

This is gonna be damn hard because I like her just so much - and not just for obvious reasons. She's also filled a friend void I've had, due to most of my friends being too busy with their own things nowadays. I'm still gonna be there for her, but my enthusiasm and playfulness will probably drop now, knowing how she feels. I'm just too attracted to her as more than a friend.

 

And we've already booked a non-refundable outdoor cinema session in a few weeks too. (Can it *get* more date-like, without it being one? Little chance of me trying to snuggle up to her now...

[Expression]

I'm confused as to whether she is spending time with me because she willingly wants to, or whether she's just too afraid of upsetting me by turning me down.

 

She has just begun her PhD year now and I haven't contacted her in any way since realising how she feels. I'd assume contact would decrease anyway, now that she is back to the intense research focus - but she is still keeping in touch with me by her own accord. This suggests to me that despite her confusion, I'm still very much a part of her life, because I still pop into her head at the end of the day. I am optimistically hoping she is just going through a phase in her life where she's unsure about a relationship and is fearful should it turn sour, she'll lose me completely (to my knowledge, she's never been with anyone before).

 

Would getting her something for Valentine's warm her up? Or would it just scare her even more?

 

I'd appreciate a girl's opinion on this too.