Call me stupid, but I am not ready to give up

[NewlywedinMD]

I talked to my wife, we both said things that have never been said. Mostly me but we were both crying. Both said how much we care and love for each other. I have asked to thing about trying counseling again, if for nothing else to save our friendship. No matter what happens she wants to be friends, right now I can't be friends with her. I love her way to much. I know ther is not much chance of success for me, but I am not ready to give up.

 

I am take the measures to protect myself, and she knows it. She says we were better off as best friends I said best friends make the best marriages. There are things we need to work on. I believe we can work through anything and I can't give up yet.

 

No real reason for this post other than my friends and family woudn't want ot hear it. They all want me to get this done and move on as quickly as possible. I don't .

[segagirl]

Hey there,

What happened to counseling? I really think that is the best shot the two of you have....it just takes time.

[simply complicated]

whats up buddy, i hear your problem, and i your more than right about best friends make the best marriages, so heres my advice to you, don't give up, here let me repeat that....DON'T GIVE UP! i believe everyone gets to a stage in life and relationships, where they ask themselves, what the f**k am i doiing, i'm not gonna lie to you, these thoughts have been known to end relationships, speaking from personal expereince, i left a girl because i was'nt sure of what i wanted or what i was doing, and that was only a brief phase which ended up making me leave my girl, but, like i say, it's just a phase, she would'nt have married you if she had'nt known that you were the one for her, you are the one for her, tell yourself and especially her that, the best way to let this phase pass is to give it time, avoid the arguments, talk one on one, remember...TALK...not argue, if you feel an argument coming on, end the conversation, give it time and the proper attention, and this phase will pass, you'll be alright.

GOOD LUCK

[NewlywedinMD]

Well after teh counseler took a 3 week vacation I met with her indvidually and she all but dismissed us. From what I have read and people I have talked to, she was not good for us, the way she was subjective instead of objective. I have asked to try again, because I had my doubts with her before. My wife said we would try someone else.

 

Thanks Simply I hope you are right. She says her heart is not in it, but I know I can win her back. I am not quitting on us. We talked last nite and gota lot out there.

 

I need to learn to walk away when an argument starts.

 

I know she is the one for me.

[Slypknot]

Wow - your post was me about 8 months ago (before my divorce). I was in the same situation (although married for a few years) seeking counseling and wanting nothing more than my wife to love/want me again.

 

The sad thing is that when this day finally did come - and she DID want me back - I really just wanted her to get the hell outta my life. I realized I had spent SOOOOOOOOOOO much time and energy trying to WIN her over, putting up with all kinds of rediculous bs from her, like I'm a loser or something and she was the prize???

 

I never realized that I was the prize as you may realize for yourself.

 

My only suggestion is to NOT forget who you are, what YOU want and what's important for YOUR personal growth. I realize it's a challenge and no one likes it when their partner isn't interested in them anymore - but fair warning, ya gotta consider if it DOES end.... try to make sure you haven't placed you're entire life into her hands cause lemme tell you - it's a serious shocker when you wake up and realize you're completely alone because you chose to blow everyone around you off while you focused everything on MAKING a relationship work.

[NewlywedinMD]

Lots of my friends have said the same thing, they are questioning her sanaity,whcih makes me feel terrible. The thing is, I can't see her not being in my life. I have no desire to see anyone else.

 

On top of everything else she may lose her job next month.

 

I told her I wanted to try therapy again, and worst case it saves our friendship. Despite her feelings I know we can make this work.

 

I am going to give it some time so I can settle down and then bring it up again.

 

If it gets as far as a divorce, I so do hope that she does come back. That would make me the happiest I have ever been.

[Kovu]

I know how you feel...I am in the same boat. I do not know what to do to mend things back together. But I know that he would not have married me if he did not want to be with me. But I know that I am going to continue to work things out and keep my head up. And this is the advice that I can give to you. I know that this maybe a hard thing to deal with, especially alone.

[meeso]

i understand what ur goin through im not married to this guy but weve been datin for quite a while it might not be the same situation...but he wants out and so he left me....and i dont see my life with anyone else.....i truly love this person and i wont give up either on gettin him back and i made it clear to him but he gave me a closed door.....in ur case i think she loves u she loves u alot maybe somethin is bothering her or shes just having a bad time....u should try to talk to her i know u have but settle things out u know i know u love her and show her that and she'll come back just give it all time but make sure u dont lose her.....

and buddy things get much worse before they get better!!

good luck