Kovu

Me and my husband have been married for a year now but he left me 2 mos after we got married. We have been living apart since. I have find out that there is another woman. They have been friends but once she find out that we were married she start throwing herself at him at all cost(meaning money too). My husband says that he does want his marriage and he married me because he loved me but yet he is with her. I feel also, that I have not had the chance to even have my marriage. So, I really hate to give up on my marriage and I have not had one. But, I have done separation papers and he refuses to sign them. He says one thing and turn around and do another. I do love him and I do want my marriage with him. But I do not know what else I can do. I do not know if he is just trying to have his cake and eat it too or is there something going on that I do not know about (meaning is she holding something over his head or blackmailing him) things just do not make sense at all. We have talked and talked but things never changes with him. But I have never asked him is something wrong(meaning blackmailing or etc...). He has me feel so stupid and down and he has just about drove me crazy. I did decide to go to counseling for myself and I did ask him to come too. He said yes, but he has not done so. This is the man that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and I thought he felt the same. For he asked me to marry him, I did not pressure him about marriage. For, we had been dating for 7yrs before we got married and we do have a son together that is 6yrs. This man was also my high school sweetheart but we had broken up after high school. So, this is a man that I have know for a long time but he is acting like a complete stranger. I do not know what to do at this point. He does not want to end the marriage but he is not with me nor do I hardly even hear from him. Should I try to get my husband back or should I just let him go? I would love to have my marriage but the marriage that God intend. Help me!

You have to keep your head up. I know that is easier said than done. I know. I am a depressant. I just got married and another woman has took my husband away from. I went through the same thing that you are going through(feelings). I had all those same thoughts. But you know I had to get myself together and I did this my talking to my friends, my pastor, my going to counseling, and most important talking and praying to GOD. God will not annoy you if you call on him and he will come to your rescue. There is a chapter in the bible that I want to share with you and I hope I am not out of line here. PSALM 70: Rescue me, O God! Lord, hurry to my aid! They are after my life and delight in hurting me. Confuse them! Stop them! Don't let them keep mocking me! But fill the followers of God with joy. Let those who love your slavation exclaim, "What a wonderful God he is!" But I am in deep trouble. Rush to my aid, for only you can help and save me. O Lord, don't delay. PSALM 143:5- remember the glorious miracles you did in days of long ago. I reach out for you. I thirst for you as parched land thirsts for rain. Come quickly, Lord, and answer me, for my depression deepens; don't turn away from me or I shall die. Let me see you kindness to me in the morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk, for my prayer is sincere. Save me from my enemies. O Lord, I run to you to hide me. Help me to do your will, for you are my God. Lead me in good paths, for your Spirit is good. Lord, saving me will bring glory to your name. Bring me out of all this trouble because you are true to your promises. And because you are loving and kind to me, cut off all my enemies and destroy those who are trying to harm me; for I am your servant. Please read this, I have to say they have done wonders for me. I read them in the morning and night. Also, PSALM has some good short readings that can and will help you at this point in your life. I will end with saying you have to keep the faith and try to hold on. If you can not do anything else just keep repeating over and over again "in the name of Jesus" (that's all you have to say) and God will hear your plea and come to your rescue.

I am so so sorry for you. Because I know the emptiness that you are feeling. I feel the same way that this is the person that I took vows and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. You should try to take this time to take some time for yourself. I know you feel embarrassed but you have to try to keep your head up. If you have some true friends that can just give you some support and see you through this you need to depend on them and spend time with them. But do not true so hard to make her come back, meaning since she says she needs sometime. Give her some space and time but do not let her forget that you love her and that you still want your marriage with her. Do little things to just impress her but not to push her away from you. (Flowers, cards, go to lunch together or dinner, but make your visits short unless she wants differently). I know that would be what I wanted.

The marriage is still new. Even through you guys have dated for a while. I know what you are going through because I am having the same problem myself. Counseling would be great for both you if both of you can go. But, if you can not get him to go than you have to try something else. Which I am not sure of because that is where I am. But don't you think or feel that the marriage is to new to give up on? I believe you should continue to work on things and really talk to each other about whatever problems you are having. I know your pain and I feel for you. The sadness seems to never go away. I wish I knew something to tell you that would help overcome it. But I do not because I myself want the hurt to go away. I know what you mean when there is something that keeps holding back. What I came to say that it is, it is God talking to me and helping me. The counseling, Ok, first I have to say that I am in counseling and my counslor is telling me to get out the marriage and move on with my life. She is telling me that I do not love him and there can not be anything about him that I do love. So, this is what I feel about counseling and I do not know if you feel the same way or not. But I know that I love my husband and I know that I want my marriage. For, if he did not love me I do not think he would had taken vows with me and he asked me to marry him. I did not pressure him about marriage. So, I know how I feel and I know what I want. But I do not know how to mend my marriage back together to what God intend for it to be. I do not think they should not say that the marriage is over and that you(I) should move on. Also, my husband does not want to send separtation papers and he does not want to end our marriage but he says also that he does not know what to do to get things back with us. So, I do not think they are the ones to say that the marriage is over. So, I will continue to do what I have been doing, (reading my bible, talking and praying to God, talking to my husband when I can and trying to keep my head up).

I know how you feel...I am in the same boat. I do not know what to do to mend things back together. But I know that he would not have married me if he did not want to be with me. But I know that I am going to continue to work things out and keep my head up. And this is the advice that I can give to you. I know that this maybe a hard thing to deal with, especially alone.