If someone's jealous will they avoid you?

[katkin]

As I have rarely suffered jealousy I need some advice.

 

My ex-boyfriend, who's now gay, lol, turned up out of the blue last week wanting somewhere to stay for a few days. I texted my boyfriend to let him know and he didn't reply. I tried to call him and he didn't answer or call me back. Usually he would.

We've only been together 3 months but he's never gone lomger than a day without contacting me. I've asked him by text if he's p***ed off about the ex staying.

Yesterday I let him know he'd gone home and i'm shocked he's avoiding me, we were (I thought) getting on brilliantly!!

 

Do people who are jealous behave like this and maybe I was wrong letting the guy stay but i've not been able to explain to him he needed to stay. Or possibly he's got cold feet.

 

What do you think and should I not bother to contact him anymore?

I've sent 5 texts, tried calling once.

 

thanks in advance, i've not to many friends I can trust to talk to not involved with 'us'.

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

I don't know about jealousy, but could understand being hurt. Gay or not, the dude is from your past and him staying over would really bother me if I were him. You guys have history after all. I'm sure if will pass over, but based on what you said here, I can understand your current bf being hurt by you hosting your ex.

 

my 2 cents.

[katkin]

I hope you're right, do you think it's best if I wait for him to contact me or should I try to call and leave a grovelling message?

 

thanks

[Reluctant Rebuilder]

Call, yes, but groveling? No, if that were me, I'd assume that you did something that you regretted and were sucking up for it. Defiant is out too, since his feelings are hurt. How about a simple straight forward and factual, "look I understand that you might be upset that my gay ex stayed over, but really nothing happened. Things were great between us, and from my perspective they still are great. Call me when you feel better."

 

Or something along those lines. I'm crappy when it comes to that stuff.

[katkin]

Thanks for that, now you've said that it makes perfect sense, don't want him getting even more suspicious!

I guess phoning is preferable to texting even if I have to leave a voice message, it's more personal (and harder to do). lol

 

thank-you xx

[renaissancewoman101]

I don't understand why your bf would have a problem with your gay ex staying over. He's GAY for god's sake, so there DEFINITELY would not be any hanky panky going on. I think your bf is being a bit defensive there and should not punish you for having your GAY ex stay over.

 

My best friend (who was also someone I had a long term relationship with) is gay and I used to hang with him. My now ex was ok with it, sort of.

[katkin]

I don't understand why your bf would have a problem with your gay ex staying over. He's GAY for god's sake, so there DEFINITELY would not be any hanky panky going on. I think your bf is being a bit defensive there and should not punish you for having your GAY ex stay over.

 

My best friend (who was also someone I had a long term relationship with) is gay and I used to hang with him. My now ex was ok with it, sort of.

 

LOL, Love the way you say 'sort of'!

It is crazy as we're less likley to sleep together than I would if I was with a girlfriend

I think it's the intimacy, even the mental emotional sharing. He doesn't know if we're talking about him I guess. Why then is it diffrent to a girlfriend?

Weird

[renaissancewoman101]

Guys can be weird. At least with the gay ex, he should definitely NOT worry that you are sleeping with him. In many ways your gay ex is probably like a good girlfriend to you. Mine's was. He was just a bit too emotional and crazy so our friendship is on the rocks right now.

[katkin]

Left him TWO messages! lol

The first time, this morning, I got a little tongue tied and just said 'I realised i'd made a mistake, not thinking about his feelings or phoning him etc..'

The second time, as I still don't truly know what is wrong as not one word the whole time I asked him if he was ok as I was worried and realised that maybe he's having another problem unrelated to me and how selfish I was for thinking that it's all about me, as usual!

 

We live in same town, share some of the same friends so will find out eventually.

Fingers x'ed for the coming week, not weeks I hope

[karvala]

Sounds like you've done the right thing with the messages, and now I'd leave it for a while, just in case he's rather enjoying the attention and apologies a bit too much. I can understand why he would find the situation somewhat difficult, but I think you've apologised enough now, and it's time for him to make a move and forgive you if he is hurt, or at least have the consideration to contact you if he's got an unrelated problem. Don't feel bad now.